Comment from TammyGail

Excellent

Blocked from giving you a six just like Jonathan Shaw ...sucks too your story was nothing short
of amazing ... i wish i could craft such wonders
my mind is too damn manic to keep task
thanks for sharing it was most enjoyed

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012

Thanks so much, Tammy :-). It's quite a pain, rewriting something I know so well, but the original version really needs too much work just to edit (I've tried several times!). Next chapter soon!

Mike

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

You are a master of descriptions, yet the descriptions are short and to the point. I like that. Your characters are well defined. Good job.

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012

Thank you, Barbara :-). This is going to get complicated quickly - lots of characters in this story - but hopefully posting in short parts won't get too difficult (in the old version, there are only 7 chapters covering 115,000 words!).

Mike

reply by barbara.wilkey on 29-Jul-2012

sounds good to me

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

I like this, Mike. I hope you continue. One small wording problem:

something on here caused the reader - something caused the reader

Very minor. What happens next? :) nancy

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012

Thank you, Nancy :-). The advantage of re-telling this story is I already know what's going to happen. But the original version doesn't bear up to editing (I've tried many times) so I'm hoping re-writing is the way to go. This scene with two thieves is entirely new. Hopefully it doesn;t throw me out down the line.

Mike

reply by N.K. Wagner on 29-Jul-2012

It shouldn't. As prologue, it's background. And you can always go back and tweak details later if they become untenable. I like your fiction. I'm looking forward to reading as you go. :) N

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

I enjoyed this as much the second time around as I did the first.I can tell you are determined to make me think with this one. You are a terrific writer and I do miss your posts.

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 Comment Written 29-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012

Thank you :-). That philosophical text used to open the story, but it was a bit obtuse as a starting chapter, so I added the thieves in the library to give it some context. This story has an ensemble cast, so I'm hoping all the characters don't get too confusing, what with the need to post in short chapters.

Mike

Comment from Adam C. Glasier

Exceptional

I am absolutely floored by the concluding passage from the book of Kallim Mantis Parish pulls from the hidden chamber in the library. You achieved the exact verbose, obtuse style you described in Parish's perspective. You certainly have stunning skill as a writer. My only beef: why the Third Age? I've read so many fantasy books, and it never fails each tail begins in the Third Age -- why not the Seventh, or the Eleventh? Something different for once. Other than than, sir, you're a fantastic writer!

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012

Thanks so much, Adam. Fantasy is my first love, so it's good to be writing it again, even if it is an old story (it's been begging for a re-write since I finished it in 2002!). It was fun writing as Kallim Mantis - I think all us writers wish we could get away with writing like that all the time. This way, I get to do it in context. So glad you enjoyed :-).

Mike

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

I'm excited about a new book from you - please just tell me you are not going to take five weeks between posting chapters. LOL
Well, that is one attention-grabbing first paragraph and introduction ot Bark LOL
intriguing description of the library
The transgression of humankind is simply to be - wow, there is a thought.
You definitely have me ready to read more chapters :-) Brooke

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 Comment Written 29-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012

lol, I make no promises, Brooke, but at least I have a detailed (extremely detailed!) plot outline to work from. Having said that, the library thievery scene isn't in the original, so I'm already fiddling with it. There are LOTS of characters in this (I wrote it as a fantasy take on an ensemble piece) so I'm hoping it doesn't get too complicated with the necessary short chapters on FS.

Mike