Lupo Dexus (Duelists Book 1)
Viewing comments for Prologue "Library - Third Age 105"a disparate group of exiles is drawn together
16 total reviews
Comment from Jacob Collins
That was a grisly opening to your book and you've left me wondering what it is these criminals are actually after, it must surely be important to them if they had to killa librarian for it. I thought that you wrote the opening scene well and the thought of the man's guts spilling out made me cringe. At least someone had the decency to end his life quickly. An enjoyable read, I couldn't find any faults...Jacob
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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That was a grisly opening to your book and you've left me wondering what it is these criminals are actually after, it must surely be important to them if they had to killa librarian for it. I thought that you wrote the opening scene well and the thought of the man's guts spilling out made me cringe. At least someone had the decency to end his life quickly. An enjoyable read, I couldn't find any faults...Jacob
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Jacob - I'm so glad you liked it :-).
Mike
Comment from Jay Squires
The first interactive part, with the action and the thieves, motivated by gain, captured my imagination through your skills as a writer. The dialogue was crisp, to the point, the imagery riveting, pulled me in and held me to the page.
The second part, following such stunning activity, failed to engage. As important as the content was, my mind kept drifting away. It was written like a footnote to the action. I think you need to incorporate the second portion in with the action rather than have it a thing apart.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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The first interactive part, with the action and the thieves, motivated by gain, captured my imagination through your skills as a writer. The dialogue was crisp, to the point, the imagery riveting, pulled me in and held me to the page.
The second part, following such stunning activity, failed to engage. As important as the content was, my mind kept drifting away. It was written like a footnote to the action. I think you need to incorporate the second portion in with the action rather than have it a thing apart.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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Thanks Jay. I'll have another fiddle with the opening. The original manuscript opened straight with the philosophical text and it was way too heavy. I might chop it up and drop pieces between chapters as the story goes instead.
Mike
Comment from cbat
I did enjoy this. You prompt deep thought into the reasons of our existence. You do this by making a story that is interesting. My outlook constantly changes. I look forward into reading more of your writings
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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I did enjoy this. You prompt deep thought into the reasons of our existence. You do this by making a story that is interesting. My outlook constantly changes. I look forward into reading more of your writings
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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Thank you, cbat - I'm really glad you liked it.
Mike
Comment from babylonia
mike,
i like it. i keep getting new chapters BUT i wanted to start this from the first since i know nothing about it. i'm reading dave m's third book and have missed many chapters BUT since it is book three, i have ideas. yours i don't.
i really like it. i see it. i feel it. wow~
imagery is excellent and i saw no spaggies. i can't wait to read more.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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mike,
i like it. i keep getting new chapters BUT i wanted to start this from the first since i know nothing about it. i'm reading dave m's third book and have missed many chapters BUT since it is book three, i have ideas. yours i don't.
i really like it. i see it. i feel it. wow~
imagery is excellent and i saw no spaggies. i can't wait to read more.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 06-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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Thanks so much, Barbara :-). I know it can be difficult to keep up with reading prose on site - I stick to you, Smurphgirl, and Rama Devi at the moment.
I'm thrilled you enjoyed the opening chapter - that was entirely new. Those characters don't exist on the old draft, but I have a plan, and it necessitated this intro :-).
Mike
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mike,
i'm glad you wrote it that way. i was worried that it might be a bit long but i think you can make it work.
yeah, i'm reading a few books and one has such short chapters. LOL smaller than many poems.
love,
barbara
Comment from Rasp E
You've been busy I see. I've backed up a bit in your portfolio so I can try and catch up on everything.
Bark and Parish are interesting names. Unique. Like it.
And with your usual not safe for lunchtime imagery. ;')
(I'm not saying that's a bad thing, just saying. lol)
A library so old it had to be rediscovered? Now that's intriguing.
How is a scream wet with terror? I'd make that more specific. Is he gurgling his own blood? I know it's a bit weird, but my brain snagged on that one.
"See it through 'mare'" ??? Is that a typo?
Parish needs new friends. I'd be interested to learn, at some point, how the two of them wound up as partners.
Hmmm, interesting. Well, as far as openers go - it's good. It has a nice, strong hook and lots of places to go, what with the apocalyptic overtones. Most excellent.
:D
E
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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You've been busy I see. I've backed up a bit in your portfolio so I can try and catch up on everything.
Bark and Parish are interesting names. Unique. Like it.
And with your usual not safe for lunchtime imagery. ;')
(I'm not saying that's a bad thing, just saying. lol)
A library so old it had to be rediscovered? Now that's intriguing.
How is a scream wet with terror? I'd make that more specific. Is he gurgling his own blood? I know it's a bit weird, but my brain snagged on that one.
"See it through 'mare'" ??? Is that a typo?
Parish needs new friends. I'd be interested to learn, at some point, how the two of them wound up as partners.
Hmmm, interesting. Well, as far as openers go - it's good. It has a nice, strong hook and lots of places to go, what with the apocalyptic overtones. Most excellent.
:D
E
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Erica :-) . This book originally grew from two drivers in my head. First was to write a fantasy about the 'normal' characters, rather than kings and master magicians et al. Second was to put the detail into fight scenes. Too many fantasy authors skip over such things (I mostly blame Terry Brooks for the line 'his enemies fell before him').
Problem was, I had no idea how to write t the time. That resulted in some unusual techniques I still like today, and intend to replicate, but also some totally bonkers passages and no concept of POV or structure. Rewriting it is proving a lot of fun!
Mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
Now you have me hooked. I have to know why a book that says mankind is doomed is so important, and who they plan to take it to. Can they take it to anyone who won't ask where it came from and how they got it?
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Now you have me hooked. I have to know why a book that says mankind is doomed is so important, and who they plan to take it to. Can they take it to anyone who won't ask where it came from and how they got it?
Comment Written 29-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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So happy you liked my prologue :-). These two aren;t main characters, but they will be cropping up again later, so all shall be revealed!
Mike
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Mike,
Well first paragraph is pretty literal. Like the heat of it!
"A fresh scream, wet with terror, sent revulsion rushing through his veins like icicles under the skin" Indeed! Love the specific nature of your description!
"See it through mare?" Is that supposed to be mate?
Was thinking that the "Way" seems similar to the teachings of the Cherokee Nation. It might help to read a bit of the philosophy behind their teachings...According to them we are in the 4th reign and the 5th reign is the one of peaceful intention, but the battle is in the now...anyways just a thought.
Love it and like others I'm in. Glad to have caught this one from the start. I am enamored by the descriptive nature of this one. Awesome work here! xoxo debs
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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Hi Mike,
Well first paragraph is pretty literal. Like the heat of it!
"A fresh scream, wet with terror, sent revulsion rushing through his veins like icicles under the skin" Indeed! Love the specific nature of your description!
"See it through mare?" Is that supposed to be mate?
Was thinking that the "Way" seems similar to the teachings of the Cherokee Nation. It might help to read a bit of the philosophy behind their teachings...According to them we are in the 4th reign and the 5th reign is the one of peaceful intention, but the battle is in the now...anyways just a thought.
Love it and like others I'm in. Glad to have caught this one from the start. I am enamored by the descriptive nature of this one. Awesome work here! xoxo debs
Comment Written 01-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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lol, it's a rule of mine with fantasy that someone or something must die straight away, or at least it needs to open on something dramatic.
I don't know much about Native American mysticism but that does sound remarkably close - I'll have to do some reading.
Thanks so much, Debs :-).
Mike
Comment from James crofoot
Cool man! You caught my attention right away with the vivid writing you used. This story is going to be cool and I think I'm going to study this. Such detail in discription and setting. yeah buddy
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Cool man! You caught my attention right away with the vivid writing you used. This story is going to be cool and I think I'm going to study this. Such detail in discription and setting. yeah buddy
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Ah James, you don't know how good it is to know you like this. I've tried to edit it several times in the last 10 years, but it just needs too much work. Still, I love the story and I finally decided to re-write it from scratch. So happy you enjoyed :-).
Mike
Comment from Chris Tee
Of course an excellent first chapter here my friend. Wow! to rewrite old work is an absolute challenge and I really admire you for that. Great chapter!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Of course an excellent first chapter here my friend. Wow! to rewrite old work is an absolute challenge and I really admire you for that. Great chapter!
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Chris. It is difficult, because I have the original sitting there, restricting my freedom. That's mainly why I went for a full rewrite rather than editing it. Glad you enjoyed!
Mike
Comment from Hitcher
10 years old, and you still ache to play with it mate, redraft and refine it, you have me intrigued mate. Gory as f*ck opening scene, one character who could have been a German S.S interrogator and another who could have been Sherlock Homes's Watson[MAD!] And a doomsday book that has already started ticking... I'm in :)
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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10 years old, and you still ache to play with it mate, redraft and refine it, you have me intrigued mate. Gory as f*ck opening scene, one character who could have been a German S.S interrogator and another who could have been Sherlock Homes's Watson[MAD!] And a doomsday book that has already started ticking... I'm in :)
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Cool :-). Great to have you on board, mate. I finished the original in 2002, and I've been trying to edit it ever since, but to no avail (it needs too much work). So here I am, writing it again. It has a LOT of characters (being originally designed as a fantasy take on an ensemble piece), so I hope it still works in the Fanstory environment of short chapters.
Mike
