The Third Dimension
A visit from a tiny creature17 total reviews
Comment from meeshu
this is a great little story of the annoying but lovable nephew. and how DO they play the same game for ever, even a dog gets tired of a belly-rub (eventually). great writing, Rox...........meeshu
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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this is a great little story of the annoying but lovable nephew. and how DO they play the same game for ever, even a dog gets tired of a belly-rub (eventually). great writing, Rox...........meeshu
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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And the same movie over and over and book, though he never cared about books, he was too busy opening my oven and pushing every button he could find. He was a great little guy and still is at 8. Thanks so much Meeshu. Rox
Comment from Mike Battaglia
If there were a seventh star, I'd give it to you based on the Twilight Zone reference alone. Writing humor is difficult (although children provide a wealth of material, as you have so brilliantly portrayed). I've read some of the other reviews and to be honest, I didn't consciously notice any errors. But that was because a) I totally got your humor and subtle sarchasm, b) I heard your voice on the page, and when you hear the voice the words and errors correct themselves in the mind of the reader, and c) I never like to comment on speling and; grammar because a writer should be about the story first and formost. I feel you've nailed it here. You have all the time in the world for editing and re-writing (and you will curse yourself in the most vile manner for ever becomming a writer after you've read your own story two hundred and fifty six times looking for errors). If anything - and this doesn't really have to do with correct punctuation, it's more my own personal opinion - be conscious of comma placement. A comma is like a pause for breath, and it dictates the pace of the voice on the page. Write it how you would tell it out loud, using the commas as your natural breaking point. A simple comma is what makes your voice yours. But it's your story. You write it how you want it (which you did, and I absolutely loved it). Good luck in the contest. (;
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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If there were a seventh star, I'd give it to you based on the Twilight Zone reference alone. Writing humor is difficult (although children provide a wealth of material, as you have so brilliantly portrayed). I've read some of the other reviews and to be honest, I didn't consciously notice any errors. But that was because a) I totally got your humor and subtle sarchasm, b) I heard your voice on the page, and when you hear the voice the words and errors correct themselves in the mind of the reader, and c) I never like to comment on speling and; grammar because a writer should be about the story first and formost. I feel you've nailed it here. You have all the time in the world for editing and re-writing (and you will curse yourself in the most vile manner for ever becomming a writer after you've read your own story two hundred and fifty six times looking for errors). If anything - and this doesn't really have to do with correct punctuation, it's more my own personal opinion - be conscious of comma placement. A comma is like a pause for breath, and it dictates the pace of the voice on the page. Write it how you would tell it out loud, using the commas as your natural breaking point. A simple comma is what makes your voice yours. But it's your story. You write it how you want it (which you did, and I absolutely loved it). Good luck in the contest. (;
Comment Written 02-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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Wow thanks so much. What a great review. Being funny is something I love to be. =] Yes reading things over and over does make one want to scream and I still never see my errors. Commas, the bane of my writing. So bad at that. Will look at it again. Thank you.
Comment from mroberts
Good piece. The Hell found me seemed a little severe, but I know that was a prompt for a contest. Jimmy seemed like a typical terrible twos guy in my experiece. I found your reactions funnier and more interesting. The part about the Third Dimension was great. Put that first line about it in the past tense as the rest of your story is that way.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Good piece. The Hell found me seemed a little severe, but I know that was a prompt for a contest. Jimmy seemed like a typical terrible twos guy in my experiece. I found your reactions funnier and more interesting. The part about the Third Dimension was great. Put that first line about it in the past tense as the rest of your story is that way.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you and thanks for telling me about the tense, I fixed that. This was fun to write, it's really more about my great niece and nephew, but I never think of it as hell. They are so much fun and love being with them.
Comment from TammyGail
Lololol.. I had to laugh while reading this
and loved where you went with it
nothing sadistic or twisted
just the joys and well lol
of babysitting :) thanks for sharing
and best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Lololol.. I had to laugh while reading this
and loved where you went with it
nothing sadistic or twisted
just the joys and well lol
of babysitting :) thanks for sharing
and best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much, it was so fun to write. I don't really think of my babies as 'hell' they are really very fun and I love being with them.
Comment from eborchert
Good luck with this contest and welcome to Fanstory. I must say I've never thought about comparing a toddler to hell, but a unique perspective is always appreciated. There are some verb tense issues and some poor construction, but otherwise a solid entry. See my notes below.
Happy Writing.
I guess I never bend down that far and forgot I even have it.(Some tense changing here. Should be 'forget' or 'had')
My closet door flew open, "I find you Aunt Roxy. I hide now!"(Missing a speech tag in this sentence. If you don't insert a tag you need to put a period instead of a comma.)
All the toys I kept so neatly in the little toy box I painted myself, where(sp were) strewn all over my family room.
"He is in the house, I can hear him, so he has to be here, right? Oh man, I hope this isn't like that old Twilight Zone where the little girl falls through a hole in her bedroom wall and ends up in the 3rddimension!"(seems like an odd thing to say out loud to yourself. You're writing in first person, so you could italicize some thoughts to make it easier.)
"Where are you, you little monster!" I yelled to myself. (The 'to myself' here is awkward. Besides, we can assume if she yelled the toddler heard her.)
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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Good luck with this contest and welcome to Fanstory. I must say I've never thought about comparing a toddler to hell, but a unique perspective is always appreciated. There are some verb tense issues and some poor construction, but otherwise a solid entry. See my notes below.
Happy Writing.
I guess I never bend down that far and forgot I even have it.(Some tense changing here. Should be 'forget' or 'had')
My closet door flew open, "I find you Aunt Roxy. I hide now!"(Missing a speech tag in this sentence. If you don't insert a tag you need to put a period instead of a comma.)
All the toys I kept so neatly in the little toy box I painted myself, where(sp were) strewn all over my family room.
"He is in the house, I can hear him, so he has to be here, right? Oh man, I hope this isn't like that old Twilight Zone where the little girl falls through a hole in her bedroom wall and ends up in the 3rddimension!"(seems like an odd thing to say out loud to yourself. You're writing in first person, so you could italicize some thoughts to make it easier.)
"Where are you, you little monster!" I yelled to myself. (The 'to myself' here is awkward. Besides, we can assume if she yelled the toddler heard her.)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thanks so much, I made the corrections. Thanks for taking the time to help make it a better story. Appreciate it.
Comment from darkmoonbaby
Roxanna Andrews ~
I couldn't help but to giggle a little just at the image you included and the contest it is entered in. Then, when I started reading, I started to laugh even harder. That was bad (me laughing so hard). I almost woke the sleeping baby! I anticipate as time flies I will be dealing with similar antics from my own son, lucky you get to send him back to his Mama at day's end. ;)
I saw only one minor thing I thought I'd point out:
We, her sibling(s), all referred
Other than that, it was really well written!
Good luck (both in the contest and with the nephew!),
DMB
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Roxanna Andrews ~
I couldn't help but to giggle a little just at the image you included and the contest it is entered in. Then, when I started reading, I started to laugh even harder. That was bad (me laughing so hard). I almost woke the sleeping baby! I anticipate as time flies I will be dealing with similar antics from my own son, lucky you get to send him back to his Mama at day's end. ;)
I saw only one minor thing I thought I'd point out:
We, her sibling(s), all referred
Other than that, it was really well written!
Good luck (both in the contest and with the nephew!),
DMB
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you, I'm glad it made you laugh. Yes kids are a challenge, but well worth it. The picture is really of my great nephew and he is a handful but such a doll and so much fun. You'll find that with your little one I'm sure.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
the panty had ... pantry
yes I enjoyed your story I think we all know a child like this there into everything and keep us on out toes or run ragged lol you have done very well I enjoyed good luck regards Jill
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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the panty had ... pantry
yes I enjoyed your story I think we all know a child like this there into everything and keep us on out toes or run ragged lol you have done very well I enjoyed good luck regards Jill
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you. I do a lot of babysitting of my great niece and nephew and my house is demolished in 3 sec after they hit the door, but they are fun and I love it.
