Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Owaka Moon, Pt. 2"Murder Mystery
43 total reviews
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
I am slowly making my way into the book. Your writing is excellent! You have a magical way with dialogue and character, showing both loyalty and conflicts within the ranks. I really like your main character, Derek Oleson. He is strong willed and demands respect. You've also shown a human side of him, a man who is riddled with a heavy burden to solve the murder. The other characters, Father Brian and Jana Burke are well described, and help round out the story so well. The minor characters, Stanley for example adds a great addition to the story. He brings out another element to the story as the friend of Debra Paget. Great writing!
On a completely separate note: there is a television show I've started following called, American Horror Story. It has many of the elements Stacia taught in the horror class.
I hope you had a fabulous Christmas holiday! Happy New Year to you and your family!
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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Hi, Bev.
I am slowly making my way into the book. Your writing is excellent! You have a magical way with dialogue and character, showing both loyalty and conflicts within the ranks. I really like your main character, Derek Oleson. He is strong willed and demands respect. You've also shown a human side of him, a man who is riddled with a heavy burden to solve the murder. The other characters, Father Brian and Jana Burke are well described, and help round out the story so well. The minor characters, Stanley for example adds a great addition to the story. He brings out another element to the story as the friend of Debra Paget. Great writing!
On a completely separate note: there is a television show I've started following called, American Horror Story. It has many of the elements Stacia taught in the horror class.
I hope you had a fabulous Christmas holiday! Happy New Year to you and your family!
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 30-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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Dear Rosalyne. What a beautiful and encouraging review, my friend. You have great insights into what I'm trying to achieve with my characters. I may have to consider hiring you to help me edit my manuscript!
I've wondered about that series. It's getting lots of good press. I'll check it out based on your recommendation.
Happy New Year to you and yours, sweet lady.
Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
"As case commander(,) Derek felt there was a gun to his head, and his instinct was to use the power of his office to raise some hell." - I'm thinking there should be a comma where I put the brackets.
I have a silly thought. If the Father knows the sound of the killers voice, shouldn't they have him available to listen in on the interrogations of suspect?????
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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"As case commander(,) Derek felt there was a gun to his head, and his instinct was to use the power of his office to raise some hell." - I'm thinking there should be a comma where I put the brackets.
I have a silly thought. If the Father knows the sound of the killers voice, shouldn't they have him available to listen in on the interrogations of suspect?????
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Two good insights, Joy. Father Brian's knowing the killer's voice will play into the later chapters. With the interview being about determining whether the confession is real or bogus, I think probably the only ones present would be the suspect and interrogators. But you do make a very interesting point.
Thanks so much, my friend! Hugs, Bev
Comment from Meta~Mark
wow- finding ther real killer in this chilling and poignant plot of suspense and crime detectives galore..the dialogue witty and clever and the bullet points add to the effect
BRAVO 100MMSTARS :)
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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wow- finding ther real killer in this chilling and poignant plot of suspense and crime detectives galore..the dialogue witty and clever and the bullet points add to the effect
BRAVO 100MMSTARS :)
Comment Written 27-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much, Mark. I really appreciate your enthusiastic and generous review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
You're killin' me! Write faster, would you? This is such a great plot, oh what the heck... you don't need me to tell you about your descriptive powers, about all the action that's going on in your story, about how the characters are so real, they feel like family members, etc. This is not only good, it's polished - ready to go to the publisher, in my opinion. And here's the simple (damned) truth - I'm continually out of six stars; but I'm learning - Sunday night seems to be when there's a huge influx of talented work. I'm going to start saving the works I like so I can immediately award my favorites first. Well done (as usual)!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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You're killin' me! Write faster, would you? This is such a great plot, oh what the heck... you don't need me to tell you about your descriptive powers, about all the action that's going on in your story, about how the characters are so real, they feel like family members, etc. This is not only good, it's polished - ready to go to the publisher, in my opinion. And here's the simple (damned) truth - I'm continually out of six stars; but I'm learning - Sunday night seems to be when there's a huge influx of talented work. I'm going to start saving the works I like so I can immediately award my favorites first. Well done (as usual)!
Comment Written 27-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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Hi, Dawn. Thank you, my friend, for your awesome review. I really appreciate the support and your insights. You've put a big old smile on my face. Have a good weekend! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
"This perp blends into the background like a cockroach hiding in a dark corner. He's gonna be a bitch to profile." Cool dialogue, Bev. Very real!
Very well done, Bev. You kept me intrigued, following your characters, enjoying your descriptions of them. I'm getting the feel for the setting and the plot. Well done, girl!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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"This perp blends into the background like a cockroach hiding in a dark corner. He's gonna be a bitch to profile." Cool dialogue, Bev. Very real!
Very well done, Bev. You kept me intrigued, following your characters, enjoying your descriptions of them. I'm getting the feel for the setting and the plot. Well done, girl!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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Adrienne, thank you so much. Your generosity and support mean a lot to me because I admire you for your honesty and high level of skill as a writer. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Cornelius2000
Good story! I like the way you help us get to know the characters through their dialogue, and the story moves forward and flows nicely. Ah, and that "end-of-the-chapter" tag that pushes us on into the next chapter. Nice job.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2012
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Good story! I like the way you help us get to know the characters through their dialogue, and the story moves forward and flows nicely. Ah, and that "end-of-the-chapter" tag that pushes us on into the next chapter. Nice job.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2012
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Thank you, C, for your generous and supportive review. I appreciate it! Bev
Comment from RaymondJohn
Great hard-boiled procedural. You use detail to maximum effect, I'm interested in the characters, and you have a first-rate story. I wonder what Father Brian wants. Tune in tomorrow....Best wishes. Ray.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2012
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Great hard-boiled procedural. You use detail to maximum effect, I'm interested in the characters, and you have a first-rate story. I wonder what Father Brian wants. Tune in tomorrow....Best wishes. Ray.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2012
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Ray, thank you for this very generous and supportive review. It really means a lot to me coming from a fine writer like yourself! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Lateonia
I haven't read your previous chapter but from the read of this chapter the book will definitely be a page turner. I love the expression, "one shoe shy of a pair" for me that added a good kind of humor into this mystery. The interaction between the characters was great and you definitley have developed a well rounded story.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2012
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I haven't read your previous chapter but from the read of this chapter the book will definitely be a page turner. I love the expression, "one shoe shy of a pair" for me that added a good kind of humor into this mystery. The interaction between the characters was great and you definitley have developed a well rounded story.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2012
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Hi, Lateonia. I so appreciate your very generous review and words of support. Thank you so much for choosing to read my chapter! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Wes Guptill
This is my third foray into this work, and I have to say that this is the best segment out of the three. The writing is taut, with just the right word count, phrasing, and plot development. You have a good control of the pacing and the evolution of the rising action. I am intrigued by your ever-so-subtle offering of minute details about the detectives and the victim. All-in-all, this work just egts better and better. And it looks more promising now that I get to meet the good Father.
Well done...
Salud!
Wes
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2012
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This is my third foray into this work, and I have to say that this is the best segment out of the three. The writing is taut, with just the right word count, phrasing, and plot development. You have a good control of the pacing and the evolution of the rising action. I am intrigued by your ever-so-subtle offering of minute details about the detectives and the victim. All-in-all, this work just egts better and better. And it looks more promising now that I get to meet the good Father.
Well done...
Salud!
Wes
Comment Written 26-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2012
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Thank you, Wes. I appreciate that you noticed the growth in the writing. It is truly a work in progress. I don't know if I will write every novel this way, but it is a chapter by chapter project. Having read Ted T's recent essay, I find that Lee Child words the same way - not that I'm suggesting we're in the same league!
Thanks again for the generous review and kind remarks,
Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You left us with an excellent hook. I can't wait for your next post. You are doing a great job with descriptions and thoughts. I like this novel.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2012
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You left us with an excellent hook. I can't wait for your next post. You are doing a great job with descriptions and thoughts. I like this novel.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much, barbara. Your gracious and generous review is really appreciated! Warm regards, Bev
