Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Owaka Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
48 total reviews
Comment from Gideon Roth
Good Afternoon, Bev. Wow, what a great piece of writing you did with this one. Bravo! This well written chapter started off with a bang, literally, and captivated my interest all the way through. Great descriptive writing here and the dialogue was well done too. I look forward to you next post. Have a great day of writing...Tim
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Good Afternoon, Bev. Wow, what a great piece of writing you did with this one. Bravo! This well written chapter started off with a bang, literally, and captivated my interest all the way through. Great descriptive writing here and the dialogue was well done too. I look forward to you next post. Have a great day of writing...Tim
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much, Tim. I really appreciate your wonderful words and generous rating. Your encouragement means to much! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Superb chapter, my friend. How well you captured Stanley's distress. I felt so sorry for him. The interaction between his and his friends? Absolutely spot on, Bev. Even the humour worked beautifully, adding an additional edge to the shock value of Stanley's news.
Now that last part gave me the chills. Who the hell is this guy, this Eddie, pretending to be blind? Fantastic hook to end on.
Awesome work.
Love ya!
Av
xx
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Superb chapter, my friend. How well you captured Stanley's distress. I felt so sorry for him. The interaction between his and his friends? Absolutely spot on, Bev. Even the humour worked beautifully, adding an additional edge to the shock value of Stanley's news.
Now that last part gave me the chills. Who the hell is this guy, this Eddie, pretending to be blind? Fantastic hook to end on.
Awesome work.
Love ya!
Av
xx
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Av, I always enjoy getting your insights into my chapters. You are such a great reviewer, not to mention an inspiration. This review has me smiling both for its warmth and great generosity. Love ya, Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this addition to your previous posts. Your characters stay in tact and your descriptions are good not over done. Good job.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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I enjoyed reading this addition to your previous posts. Your characters stay in tact and your descriptions are good not over done. Good job.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your generous review, barbara. I appreciate the support.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
You had me captured from line one. There is such a great deal of emotion in this from varying angles I thought you did a brilliant job on this post.
Sailed flawlessly down the page. Your ending lines made me feel the chilled air. Excellent hook my friend, I wanted to keep reading:)
Thanks for sharing this awesome work.
Maureen
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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You had me captured from line one. There is such a great deal of emotion in this from varying angles I thought you did a brilliant job on this post.
Sailed flawlessly down the page. Your ending lines made me feel the chilled air. Excellent hook my friend, I wanted to keep reading:)
Thanks for sharing this awesome work.
Maureen
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Hi, Maureen. Thank you so much for your generous and supportive review. I really appreciate your staying with me on this story.
More on Father Brian and his shaman friend in the next installment. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Altho there's a couple of minor things that need tweaking, this part of the story is so well told - great descriptive writing, showing us the emotions that different characters are going through. I was completely lost in it.
Oh(,) don't feel - comma
need me to give you a reminder call next time[,](?)" - I fancy this should have a question mark
The bus driver crossed his arms(,) unaware (of)the contempt that wreathed his features
A most intriguing read, Bev.
Margaret
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Altho there's a couple of minor things that need tweaking, this part of the story is so well told - great descriptive writing, showing us the emotions that different characters are going through. I was completely lost in it.
Oh(,) don't feel - comma
need me to give you a reminder call next time[,](?)" - I fancy this should have a question mark
The bus driver crossed his arms(,) unaware (of)the contempt that wreathed his features
A most intriguing read, Bev.
Margaret
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Margaret, thank you so very much for this generous and gracious review. Reading your work has certainly taught me to be a better writer. Thanks, also, for catching those spaggies. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from guinea
Well written chapter. The imagery is great. The sroty is progressing nicely. I love your characters. Look forward to more of your work.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Well written chapter. The imagery is great. The sroty is progressing nicely. I love your characters. Look forward to more of your work.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Thank so much, guinea. I appreciate the support and interest. Bev
Comment from AprilShower
Was Eddie the man wearing sunglasses pretending he's blind and flower child who lost his sight in 'Nam'? Could Eddie be the murderer. It seems Greg is having a premonition about him. This is well written, Bev. I am wondering where Father Brian is. Stanley certainly is upset.
April :o)
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Was Eddie the man wearing sunglasses pretending he's blind and flower child who lost his sight in 'Nam'? Could Eddie be the murderer. It seems Greg is having a premonition about him. This is well written, Bev. I am wondering where Father Brian is. Stanley certainly is upset.
April :o)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Hi, April. Thanks for the great review. Father Brian is in the next chapter - he's been a bit transitory up to this point as I develop the police procedural aspects of a murder mysery. He'll become more deeply involved as things progress.
Take care, Bev
Comment from judiverse
Your characterizations of Stanley and pals meeting and trash talking was good, but I wondered about going over the details of Debra's murder again in as much detail. Having Evil Eddie stroll by was chilling, and his getting on the bus and his reaction to the bus driver and the bus driver's reaction to him was great. The last paragraph was a spine-tingler to close this post. Great work! judi
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Your characterizations of Stanley and pals meeting and trash talking was good, but I wondered about going over the details of Debra's murder again in as much detail. Having Evil Eddie stroll by was chilling, and his getting on the bus and his reaction to the bus driver and the bus driver's reaction to him was great. The last paragraph was a spine-tingler to close this post. Great work! judi
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Hi, judi. Thank you for such a great review. It's always helpful to get your insights. The details of the murder are not exactly correct as I wanted to show the strain Stanley's mind is under and a little bit of his personality that ties into a later chapter.
Appreciate your keeping up with my story, my friend. Warmest regards, Bev
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You're so welcome. I do see your point about Stanley here if he is to be a factor later on. Eddie's a spooky one. judi
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Glad to hear Eddie as the requisite spook factor LOL!
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Wow this story is getting exiting and a little gory.Blood flowing episode . A good write with lots of imagery keep on writing. Thanks Mary.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Wow this story is getting exiting and a little gory.Blood flowing episode . A good write with lots of imagery keep on writing. Thanks Mary.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Mary Ann. I really appreciate your reading and support of my chapter. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from visionary1234
I'm coming late into the piece by the looks of things, sorry - it said "Part 1" so I thought I was hopping into the beginning! But as a piece of writing, I loved it - well established characters, great dialogue, good setting, buildup of dramatic tension ... all the makings of a great read here ... I'm looking forward to it!
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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I'm coming late into the piece by the looks of things, sorry - it said "Part 1" so I thought I was hopping into the beginning! But as a piece of writing, I loved it - well established characters, great dialogue, good setting, buildup of dramatic tension ... all the makings of a great read here ... I'm looking forward to it!
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Thank you, visionary. Sorry for the confusion! And I thank you very kindly for your great review and support for the chapter. Warmest regards, Bev
