Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Love your alliterative title
good consonance of L and T sounds in totally lost
good alliteration in peace that passes, also good allusion to that beautiful phrase, the peace that passes understanding
I really like the format of your poem and the wonderful message you deliver :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012

thanks, again, Brooke. love, jan

Comment from amarherig14

Excellent

We do not want to fail, but in the world we live we have to keep our eyes fixed on Him to be victorous.There is evil which will try to tamper with our peace but He will be there to rescue us.The art used is perfect for this write.Well written with a good message within.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012

you are most definitely right, my friend. I am so thankful for a loving and forgiving Savior. love, jan

reply by amarherig14 on 30-Jun-2012

We need Him all the time, so we can resist temptation. We know He will allow for us to be tempted ,but He is on time to rescue us before we do sin. What a loving God we have,so forgiving! xxxooo Margie

Comment from Melspoems

Excellent

Hi Jan, you are really good at these.
This is both sad and inspiration. I hate the thought of anyone feeling lost and as if the world is against them (cause I know what that's like), but I love the peace you find when you trust in God, wish it wasn't such a struggle though.
Hang in there.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012

thanks, Mel -- it's a constant struggle for me but I always know God is going to win in the end -- love, jan

Comment from 4hisglory

Excellent

Very nice poem and very true. Without God's help, we would fail every time.
I don't know much about this kind of poem, but you seem to have done a good job with the 4-6-7 syllables and the bridge. It all seems to flow quite nicely.
The only suggestion I have is to change one of the "way's" in the first two stanza's. Way, say and way seems a bit much so close together.
I do like the message though; to seek God's help, and prevent the 'fail'.
Thanks for your poem! Blessings, LaVonne

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012

thanks, LaVonne -- I invented this style of poem and it either flows or doesn't. I will go back and check the first two stanzas to see if I can fix that. love, jan

Comment from kra-z-ka-z

Excellent

I felt your battle that others don't understand. They would rather you not share your God with them. It's kool that you wrote this when you had the choice not to. Listening to that still, small voice. But it's always easier to do when there's nothing else to do... Nicely written, nicely expressed.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012

thanks, kra-z-ka-z; love, jan

Comment from Cornelius2000

Excellent

Good words, and the visual presentation is most pleasing. The poem reads smoothly and I don't know what I could say to you that would improve it. Well done, especially in a traffic jam!

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012

thanks, Cornelius -- better to write than to have road rage -- love, jan

Comment from squid152

Excellent

We all fail! Because we are just children trying to learn. Even Jesus is trying to learn. Keep talking. God gives a map!-Gary

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012

thanks, Gary -- love, jan

Comment from CheyLGwriter

Excellent

This was a beautiful piece. Even a just man falls 7 times. We all just have to be thankful, because we have a forgiving God. As for those "Friends" that want you to stray away.. I think Alice Walker said it best. "No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow." That includes growing in your spiritual walk as well. Thank for writing such a glorious blessing.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012

I love that saying, CheyLGwriter - yes, I try to distance myself from those people now -- love, jan

Comment from DBastian

Excellent

Great soothing poem. Wonderful message. Fabulous way to spend time in a traffic jam - by writing rather than ranting and raving; thanks for enhancing the poem with your author notes!

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012

that's one reason I keep pen & pad on my front seat -- helps keep me grounded -- thanks for reading -- love, jan

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

This is a very well written poem asking for guidance. We are the Devil playground when we are confused. This is very well written. Good job.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012

for sure, Charlie, you are right, and I spend enough time on the Devil's playground as it is -- thanks for reading -- love, jan

reply by c_lucas on 29-Jun-2012

You're welcome, Jan. Charlie