Mirage
An unwanted caballo33 total reviews
Comment from visionary1234
sad story, those etched memories of childhood - the emotions do not dissipate with time ... and here I was hoping desperately for a happy ending!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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sad story, those etched memories of childhood - the emotions do not dissipate with time ... and here I was hoping desperately for a happy ending!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Dear Vision...Please accept my apologies and thanks as well. I'm working on a couple and will try my best to have better endings? I hope. Lol! Thank you so much!! xoxo. Susan
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not a case of "better" - I'm just trying to second guess you!
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:) S.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
But actually you really don't know whether that horse lived or died, only that it had reached a critical point in it's journey.
How is that different, how is it on this night a half century later that you remember that horse?
You wished you could hve sved him?
I have two suggestions. The first is to accumulate a book of short stories, an antitoxin to 'Chicken Soup', a hundred stories about death, giving free reign to the universe to claim your last breath and that of every character you have pulled out of your soul that is injured and tired and wants peace. There is no doubt in my mind that you have embraced and cuddled, comforted the feelings and thoughts of the chronically ill. Through your writing you could genuinely help people die.
The second suggestion I have is to get your ass off the tracks and decide to live. Your state of misery, your sadness, touches me, trashes me and horrifies me.
I'll ask a simple question. What do you want? There is comfort in the familiar, but surender to the unknown is forever, if you choose death as a a companion.
Being #1 isn't an honour if you bought your place with misery. In my mind you are surrendering, giving up your talent, you can't write anything right now beyond the snapshot of the final journey, the last breath and it slays me that you won't committ to a failure, a leap into a 3,000 word essay.
Susan, you have so much more to give, to live beyond the sound of drones. If I can help you I will.
Was the writing good? Sure, superb, as always, ingrid
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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But actually you really don't know whether that horse lived or died, only that it had reached a critical point in it's journey.
How is that different, how is it on this night a half century later that you remember that horse?
You wished you could hve sved him?
I have two suggestions. The first is to accumulate a book of short stories, an antitoxin to 'Chicken Soup', a hundred stories about death, giving free reign to the universe to claim your last breath and that of every character you have pulled out of your soul that is injured and tired and wants peace. There is no doubt in my mind that you have embraced and cuddled, comforted the feelings and thoughts of the chronically ill. Through your writing you could genuinely help people die.
The second suggestion I have is to get your ass off the tracks and decide to live. Your state of misery, your sadness, touches me, trashes me and horrifies me.
I'll ask a simple question. What do you want? There is comfort in the familiar, but surender to the unknown is forever, if you choose death as a a companion.
Being #1 isn't an honour if you bought your place with misery. In my mind you are surrendering, giving up your talent, you can't write anything right now beyond the snapshot of the final journey, the last breath and it slays me that you won't committ to a failure, a leap into a 3,000 word essay.
Susan, you have so much more to give, to live beyond the sound of drones. If I can help you I will.
Was the writing good? Sure, superb, as always, ingrid
Comment Written 14-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Dear Ingrid...First, thank you with all my heart for being a good and caring friend. This memory has never faded. I've started writing about it a few times, and scraped the attempts. This photo is like a picture of the very place...and helped me. It's just a bit later in the day, and in real life the horse was visable right across or next to the tracks. Along with the wavering mirage that made the horse appear to wobble? My dad didn't slow. We were on a straight stretch of road and headed home. I sulked for hours and wept quietly as I do now all too often for the things I cannot change or help. I try so hard to be cheerful. But it's not in me for real just yet. I'm trying...i am. Happy is hard. Sad, easy, as it is what I really know. Love, Susan ps,,,Thank you Ingrid. You are like a light at the end of a long dark tunnel.
Comment from Ted T
Hi Susan :)
You're on a roll here, girl.
I'm awarding a "Sixer" and a virtual "Twelver" to go with it.
Well written, excellent imaging and sense of place.
This has to go in the book. I'll download it along with the one that wouldn't fly on the link.
Ted
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Hi Susan :)
You're on a roll here, girl.
I'm awarding a "Sixer" and a virtual "Twelver" to go with it.
Well written, excellent imaging and sense of place.
This has to go in the book. I'll download it along with the one that wouldn't fly on the link.
Ted
Comment Written 14-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Well, my melancholy is strong, and takes me places that, at times I rather not be. But, must be. This had to be written. Finally after 49 years. Thank you so much for your confidence in me my friend. Susan
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You're welcome :)
It's a good piece.
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Wow, this was sad. I like the way you used to different viewpoints and I really wanted to pop that father... Great job on your descriptive details. Very nice work!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Wow, this was sad. I like the way you used to different viewpoints and I really wanted to pop that father... Great job on your descriptive details. Very nice work!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Hi Patty! I'm so glad you enjoyed this. My dad wasn't mean, just tired and in a hurry. He always did a little sort of laugh. Not to be cruel. It was his way of responding to most things? I will always wonder tho. Why on earth that horse was there?? Skinny, and so old. Maybe someone dumped it. Like in 2008...many horses were left in state parks. Just awful. Anyway, thank you again Patty. HUG! Susan
Comment from Donya Quijote
So sad and so well written. You had me almost in shock as it seemed the old horse was about to commit suicide. What a tragic image. These shorts you write are simply amazing. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2012
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So sad and so well written. You had me almost in shock as it seemed the old horse was about to commit suicide. What a tragic image. These shorts you write are simply amazing. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2012
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Hi Donya! What a great and encouraging review...wow! I'm always just thrilled when you enjoy these like this Donya. I remember your notes. Always so enthusiastic. How nice! hugs for making my night! Susan
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You are most welcome and do have a pleasant night...
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You too Donya! Thank you!! :) Suse
Comment from 4hisglory
Great descriptive story from the horses viewpoint and then the young girl. Kids seem to forget and forgive quit easily when they are young, but you never know when that one thing will stick with them for life and change the way they relate to their parents. That's why it's so important to listen to what kids are saying.
Very good story! Blessings, LaVonne
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Great descriptive story from the horses viewpoint and then the young girl. Kids seem to forget and forgive quit easily when they are young, but you never know when that one thing will stick with them for life and change the way they relate to their parents. That's why it's so important to listen to what kids are saying.
Very good story! Blessings, LaVonne
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Hi there! You're so right. I've made many errors and should have listened to my kid but didn't. He's often right. ANd never fails to let me know too. This picture brought the memory back so sharply...from 49 years ago. Weird. I loved my dad, but would get angry when I knew he was wrong. Not mean, he was just in a hurry. We'd been on the road for over ten days...and he was tired. But that horse. I can't understand why it was there. Dad knew he couldn't help it. With a car! And no cell phones...nothing. He knew. I didn't. But, life is that way. Not fair. And sad. Thank you LaVonne. I'm delighted you enjoyed this...xoxo. Susan
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
Your 344 word story is brilliantly written with wondrtful imagery painted by the action on your flash fiction story. Your descriptive writing is outstanding:
"Choking back tears, the child knew better. She curled into a ball and sat back, beaten ... knowing her daddy was wrong. She knew that death would pick the horse apart. That the vultures would feast; then leave the lonely bones all by themselves. Scattered and forgotten ... beneath the searing heat of the sultry, Sonoran sun." In 344 words you managed to effectively establish a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your flash fiction. I would recommend your 344 flash fiction story to other reviewers, my friend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Susan,
Your 344 word story is brilliantly written with wondrtful imagery painted by the action on your flash fiction story. Your descriptive writing is outstanding:
"Choking back tears, the child knew better. She curled into a ball and sat back, beaten ... knowing her daddy was wrong. She knew that death would pick the horse apart. That the vultures would feast; then leave the lonely bones all by themselves. Scattered and forgotten ... beneath the searing heat of the sultry, Sonoran sun." In 344 words you managed to effectively establish a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your flash fiction. I would recommend your 344 flash fiction story to other reviewers, my friend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Oh I love your kind and enthusiastic reviews Melissa! And your help counting words. You should be an editor! :) What a thrill to see you enjoy!! LOVE and a hug young lady! Susan
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
to at least see if it were okay. (was okay?)
What a sad story. This brings tears to my eyes. It is so awful when animals are mistreated, but there was certainly nothing to do. Well written. Hope you are having a better day. Love you!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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to at least see if it were okay. (was okay?)
What a sad story. This brings tears to my eyes. It is so awful when animals are mistreated, but there was certainly nothing to do. Well written. Hope you are having a better day. Love you!!! Debbie
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Hi Debbie! I fixed the nit. I have no idea...I read it both ways and just could not tell. I may just rewrite the whole sentence! LOL! What a cop out! HUGS and love to you for this kind and helpful review! I think of you each time I am down and wish you were here to talk to. xoxo. Susan
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Me too!!! Debbie
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I hope you will sleep good tonight? I will if people will stop trespassing. The latest tomorrow if you want to hear. xoxo. Susan
Comment from robyn corum
became (disoriented),
A great short tale with a lot of heart and vivid description. This has been festering for a while, then, huh? Funny how things like this leave lasting impressions. You've done well and immortalized the horse, now. Good job.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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became (disoriented),
A great short tale with a lot of heart and vivid description. This has been festering for a while, then, huh? Funny how things like this leave lasting impressions. You've done well and immortalized the horse, now. Good job.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Hi Robyn! Thank you...I fixed the misspell! I should never post this tired. So, extra thank you's for this help! i have always kept that image in my mind..but this photo sort of forced the telling of it. It looks just like where the horse was. Just a bit later than in real life. I cannot imagine how it got there. VERY weird. Unless there was a town close, or farm. But that horse was standing right on/or next to the tracks. Alone. Swaybacked and so old. I will always wonder. Thank you so much Robyn. Your thoughts and help are always absolutely wonderful. Susan
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write and with feeling and passion. Hi Susan at nine you had a passion for horses, and still have. I enjoyed reading your story. Mary
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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A good write and with feeling and passion. Hi Susan at nine you had a passion for horses, and still have. I enjoyed reading your story. Mary
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Hi Mary! I will til the day I die. and hopefully after! I do want to see Rusty again. I hope that's not a daydream. This memory is still so clear. I will never forget that poor thing...all alone. So old. Nothing old should die alone. Well, no one should. I'm making myself get teary eyed. LOVE you Mary. Susan
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Your welcom I will see you soon. Mary
