Farm For Sale
37 total reviews
Comment from J. P. Egry
This is such a sad way to start the day. But I was enlightened by the excellent writing. The voice of the protagonist so strong and true. You feel his emotion--the anger and sadness all wrapped into one. When I was small, my father, who was raised on a farm, kept chickens, pigs, ducks, and one calf on our small three acres. Of course the calf was for veal, but she was my pet, too. When my father slaughtered her, I didn't speak to him for a week, and as it was happening I just sat in the living room rocker and cried.
He also slaughtered a pig (some time before the calf) and for some reason my curiosity as a small girl made me be present. Nearly 70 years later, the squeal and blood is still etched in my mind.
I can't imagine how a farmer would feel to lose his whole herd--a double edged sword losing the living beings AND his livelihood.
This is an excellent piece--a good mix of narrative and dialogue, good sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling. It's nice to read a piece that needs no suggestions for improvement or rewrite.
Interestingly my grandfather had a Jersey milking cow named Daisy and she lived a long and natural life as the pet of the herd.
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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This is such a sad way to start the day. But I was enlightened by the excellent writing. The voice of the protagonist so strong and true. You feel his emotion--the anger and sadness all wrapped into one. When I was small, my father, who was raised on a farm, kept chickens, pigs, ducks, and one calf on our small three acres. Of course the calf was for veal, but she was my pet, too. When my father slaughtered her, I didn't speak to him for a week, and as it was happening I just sat in the living room rocker and cried.
He also slaughtered a pig (some time before the calf) and for some reason my curiosity as a small girl made me be present. Nearly 70 years later, the squeal and blood is still etched in my mind.
I can't imagine how a farmer would feel to lose his whole herd--a double edged sword losing the living beings AND his livelihood.
This is an excellent piece--a good mix of narrative and dialogue, good sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling. It's nice to read a piece that needs no suggestions for improvement or rewrite.
Interestingly my grandfather had a Jersey milking cow named Daisy and she lived a long and natural life as the pet of the herd.
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Oh dear, J.P. you have brought back memories that I'd almost forgotten...I am going to write a story about it. I had almost the exact experiences with dad butchering when I was a kid. That's so weird...I hid in the haymow after he tried to get me to help kill two lambs...Oh it was just terrible. Thank you so much too, for yet another truly wonderful review...wow! You and I had similar lives...xoxo!! Susan
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You're welcome for the review---sorry if it brought back painful memories. But writing a story about it is important for others to know and therapeutic for you. So go for it!
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:o) I should become a vegetarian! But I would starve...there's no grease.... :/ S
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You said it!
Comment from OldVet
Glad I managed to find a few minutes to pop in and catch one of your fine posts. So beautifully sad. A life's work snuffed out overnight.
Suggestions:
Lincoln Short debated with himself, and mumbled incessantly...
He held the old Colt in his hand, and contemplated the unthinkable...
[The commas in the about sentences should be deleted. Don't place commas between compound verbs (debated and mumbled) (held and comtemplated)]
He clung to the gate and wished himself dead, rather than lose [Likewise, the comma after dead isn't needed.]
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Glad I managed to find a few minutes to pop in and catch one of your fine posts. So beautifully sad. A life's work snuffed out overnight.
Suggestions:
Lincoln Short debated with himself, and mumbled incessantly...
He held the old Colt in his hand, and contemplated the unthinkable...
[The commas in the about sentences should be deleted. Don't place commas between compound verbs (debated and mumbled) (held and comtemplated)]
He clung to the gate and wished himself dead, rather than lose [Likewise, the comma after dead isn't needed.]
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Hey there! How are you?? SO nice to see you here. This is a fine review indeed. I fixed the comma's and thank you so much!! I should know these things. I need Brooke's class. But money and just having to have appts. do me in. Sad. Thank you again and I hope all is well for you and yours my friend! Hope you post too!! Susan
Comment from Dave M
Susan,
This is an excellent short story about a dairy farmer who lost his herd. Wouldn't they have also buried the cattle?
I enjoyed this read and found no nits.
Dave
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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Susan,
This is an excellent short story about a dairy farmer who lost his herd. Wouldn't they have also buried the cattle?
I enjoyed this read and found no nits.
Dave
Comment Written 19-May-2012
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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yes, actually I intended to add that...but didn't for some reason. I need to look at it again. Thank you Dave! Good point! Just so you enjoyed it! :o) Susan
Comment from Ted T
Hi Susan :)
I guess you're dead set on bringing tears to my eyes.
No "Sixer" so I'll throw in a virtual "Twelver" to go with the five.
This is another publishable piece for Every Day Fiction.
Good work.
Ted
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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Hi Susan :)
I guess you're dead set on bringing tears to my eyes.
No "Sixer" so I'll throw in a virtual "Twelver" to go with the five.
This is another publishable piece for Every Day Fiction.
Good work.
Ted
Comment Written 19-May-2012
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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Hi Ted! Thank you! -- Wow! You always make me want to go on, and I wish I could tell you what this means. Thanks again...happy 'weekend'... :o) Susan
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You're welcome. Now get it published.
Comment from Trybuck
Farmers have a tough life. They never know from which side they're going to be attacked from next. Dry weather, wet weather, disease... Too many obstacles...
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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Farmers have a tough life. They never know from which side they're going to be attacked from next. Dry weather, wet weather, disease... Too many obstacles...
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 19-May-2012
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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Hi Buck! Some do, that's for sure...I know some around here that are like little kings...they are so full of themselves. They own local gov., run the Co-Ops, elec. co. and the phone company. And the ones I know of are just awful. I guess in all walks of life there are bad apples. Sad. But thank you again for your thoughts. Nice to hear from you my friend. Susan
Comment from Spitfire
Your writing skills are so smooth. Easy to see why you're number one, Susan. Brilliant flash fiction. You make the reader feel compassion for Lincoln and add character to him with his spunky remark. Chilling paragraph about the cows- the touch about Daisy! My heart broke too. So glad that Lily (symbolic name?) saved the day. A six if I had it.
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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Your writing skills are so smooth. Easy to see why you're number one, Susan. Brilliant flash fiction. You make the reader feel compassion for Lincoln and add character to him with his spunky remark. Chilling paragraph about the cows- the touch about Daisy! My heart broke too. So glad that Lily (symbolic name?) saved the day. A six if I had it.
Comment Written 19-May-2012
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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Hi Shari. How are you? I hope you and your hubby are having a nice evening. I am listening to our wonderful 'farmer' neighbor blare his guns away/off. A--H----. Indiana is the worst. I painted most of the afternoon...and my arm is beat. And my back is at it again. I don't care of it kills me, I'm getting this dump sold. Thank you again for a kind and very encouraging review...Oh! That name Lily is just a fav of mine...I don't know why. Daisy, Lily. I love flowers! :o) love you too. Susan
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Try the chalk for you back. Don't have any cure for the arm. I just contracted a guy to pressure wash, caulk cracks, and paint the whole outside (same color) for a thousand bucks and that includes paint. What a deal!
Comment from MumEsGirl
This was a lovely story. It was sad certainly but had such a positive ending that saved me from bawling my eyes out.
I have seen so much of this here in Ireland with Foot and Mouth Disease also.
This could well be a true story.
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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This was a lovely story. It was sad certainly but had such a positive ending that saved me from bawling my eyes out.
I have seen so much of this here in Ireland with Foot and Mouth Disease also.
This could well be a true story.
hugs
kate
Comment Written 19-May-2012
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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Hi Kate! I know, I once saw a news report about this or something similar. They had to burn over fifty cows...it was awful. My dad of course only had about ten cows and the occasional bull...he had hogs and sheep. Mom did the garden and the hens. Sure miss the days where things were simple. I am so glad you enjoyed this Kate. Do you live in a quiet place? I sure hope so. My horses were scared by a neighbor shooting earlier and just now some. Such a classy neighborhood. lol! Thank you again Kate!! Susan
Comment from bulbul
The feeling that one is about to be annihilated. Very well brought out throughout the piece but especially in the second last para. Then the uplifting bit : Lily comforting him wordlessly and him seeing in her eyes that the sun would rise again. Moving.Not a single word you could do without or need to add. A pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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The feeling that one is about to be annihilated. Very well brought out throughout the piece but especially in the second last para. Then the uplifting bit : Lily comforting him wordlessly and him seeing in her eyes that the sun would rise again. Moving.Not a single word you could do without or need to add. A pleasure to read.
Comment Written 19-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Hi there!! Wow!! What a great review. I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. Thank you so much Bul. May I ask what your screen name means? Very unusual... :o) I so appreciate this! Susan
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Bulbul is an Indian songbird. Heaven knows I'm no songbird,and I don't sing except in the shower, but my father got carried away when I was born and this was his pet name for me. It's not my formal name, but it is okay for a site. It was a pleasure to review your piece. bulbul
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OH !! NICE! I'll google this bird! Thanks for sharing with me! :)) HUG! S.
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Hug you back. Have fun googling! bulbul
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, susan, you did a great job writing this story about the pain of losing a lifetime of hard work with a sickness that forces all of his cows to be shot.
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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this is very well written, susan, you did a great job writing this story about the pain of losing a lifetime of hard work with a sickness that forces all of his cows to be shot.
Comment Written 19-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Hi Pam! Thank you very much for reading this...I just can't get over how the man in the photo looks like my dad! :/ Wow! Have a great Sunday Pam!! HUG! Susan
Comment from JW
How horrible it would be to have such a thing occur in real life.
With my grandfather having been a farmer, I could easily relate to this story and imagine how emotionally devastating this would be.
You did a good job writing this. JW
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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How horrible it would be to have such a thing occur in real life.
With my grandfather having been a farmer, I could easily relate to this story and imagine how emotionally devastating this would be.
You did a good job writing this. JW
Comment Written 19-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Hi JW! How are you? I'm so glad to hear from you. So did you ever live or have a farm yourself? If not, your family probably had good times going to your grandfathers. Now, the farms are multi million dollar enterprises...nothing like my dad's little 22 acre place. Thank you again Jonathon...happy Sunday! Susan
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Hi Susan,
I'm doing ok. My job has been keeping me extremely busy though.
In answering your question - actually, I did spend my teen years on a small farm - after spending most my childhood in Hollywood, FL.
If you ever get an opportunity to read my novel "The Question," it covers a "fictionized" version of a good part of my youth. However, I should comment - between the bits of fiction - there is also an awful lot of reality in the story, as well.
If you own a Kindle you can get the ebook version for FREE. Otherwise the ebook version can be purchased at Amazon.com for a grand total of $0.99 -- if you think you might be interested.
A paperback version is also available, but at a higher cost.
I hope you also have a Happy Sunday! :-)
JW
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Oh I'd like the paperback! I'll find it on Amazon. I am trying to buy as many FS books as I can. Wow...congrats Jonathon on being published!! MOST awesome!! I'm very happy for you!! :o) Susan
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Thanks. :-) JW
