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Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "tanka (daisy petals dance)"keep your hope alive....
44 total reviews
Comment from nighttripper
This is very creative and a pleasure to read. The breeze carries the answer to many questions and the one you ask in particular. The imagery of the daisy petals dancing and asking is top notch. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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This is very creative and a pleasure to read. The breeze carries the answer to many questions and the one you ask in particular. The imagery of the daisy petals dancing and asking is top notch. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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thank you tripper :)
Comment from cce29
Beautiful tanka, and short poem. The only thing I'd do different, is add photo for the readers who can't visualize what they read. Good luck in the contest
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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Beautiful tanka, and short poem. The only thing I'd do different, is add photo for the readers who can't visualize what they read. Good luck in the contest
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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thank you cc :)
tanka and haiku are not supposed to have pictures with them.
regarding the '4 stars', it means adjustments needed.... could you please tell me what needs fixing? thanx! :)
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is very well written and a creative contest entry you have done really very well on all aspects of the poem I enjoyed good luck regards Jill
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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This is very well written and a creative contest entry you have done really very well on all aspects of the poem I enjoyed good luck regards Jill
Comment Written 16-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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thank you jill :)
Comment from visionary1234
aah - the old "love me, love me not, love me ..." but I do enjoy your acrostic distilled version! Bold choice in black & white too, unexpected - which is always appreciated!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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aah - the old "love me, love me not, love me ..." but I do enjoy your acrostic distilled version! Bold choice in black & white too, unexpected - which is always appreciated!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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thank you vision :)
Comment from uniqueauthor
That's what makes meditation so important. When you are silent, you hear all kinds of beautiful things. I have to get back to doing that again. It really does help. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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That's what makes meditation so important. When you are silent, you hear all kinds of beautiful things. I have to get back to doing that again. It really does help. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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thank you unique :)
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You're welcome. Peace for today
Comment from artemis53
Oh, I love this. every word has such meaning attached to it bringing back wonderful days in fields of daisies carefully picking each petal with "is this love or not?"
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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Oh, I love this. every word has such meaning attached to it bringing back wonderful days in fields of daisies carefully picking each petal with "is this love or not?"
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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thank you art :)
Comment from Meta~Mark
nice job with the format and illustration of this poem..easy to read and delight to my eyes..your heart's answer in the breeze.............excellent job!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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nice job with the format and illustration of this poem..easy to read and delight to my eyes..your heart's answer in the breeze.............excellent job!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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thank you mark :)
Comment from RalphNater
Awesome Tanka. I like how it is also an acrostic. Great form and I love the imagery. The delicate daisy. Great work, Ralph.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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Awesome Tanka. I like how it is also an acrostic. Great form and I love the imagery. The delicate daisy. Great work, Ralph.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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thank you ralph :)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
silence is what you need to hear
your heart's answer in the breeze << problem with this line
Do you mean the answer your heart will give you or do you mean the answer the breeze will give to your heart? The wording is ambiguous.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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silence is what you need to hear
your heart's answer in the breeze << problem with this line
Do you mean the answer your heart will give you or do you mean the answer the breeze will give to your heart? The wording is ambiguous.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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either one :)
Comment from Chris Tee
Shelley you have just spoilt / spoiled a potential winner with some incorrect syllables in the 4th line"
si =1 lence =1 is =1 what =1 you =1 need =1 to =1 hear =1 Total = 8
should be 7 syllables.
Further to this you have capitalized daisy in your first line. No capitals in Japanese poetry.
If you edit this I shall re-review it for you .
The idea of making it acrostic is fine
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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Shelley you have just spoilt / spoiled a potential winner with some incorrect syllables in the 4th line"
si =1 lence =1 is =1 what =1 you =1 need =1 to =1 hear =1 Total = 8
should be 7 syllables.
Further to this you have capitalized daisy in your first line. No capitals in Japanese poetry.
If you edit this I shall re-review it for you .
The idea of making it acrostic is fine
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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edited! thank you chris! :)
