Comment from mountainwriter49

Exceptional

Hi, Shelly

Congratulations on placing second in the tanka contest. Your tanka is in fine form, though it is the first I've seen in acrostic form.

The first three lines are in fine haiku-like form. The imagery created by its words are concrete and form vivid imagery in the mind of the reader. The third line is most effective as a satori on the first two lines as well as a pivot for lines 4 & 5. The emotive impact of lines 4 & 5 is subtle, yet profound. As the ancient Japanese masters would like, your tanka requires the reader to think a bit about your finely crafted words. This is a major plus!

In my humble opinion, the highlighting of the letters at the beginning of the line to create the image of the acrostic takes away from the broader beauty offered in the tanka itself. I'd recommend de-stressing the first letters and letting the reader "find" the acrostic. Allowing the reading to "find" the essence of the tanka, haiku and senryu is one of the wonderful things about Japanese short form poetry.

Well done, and again, congratulations!
-ray

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012

thank you ray :)

Comment from whizpurr ^-^

Excellent

Congratulations, Shell, on your lovely prizewinning tanka.
It is certainly clever, cute, and true. Indeed one hears the answers in one's own heart when one listens carefully.
I liked how you featured the tanka form as an acrostic.
Great work. Hugs, Purr ^-^

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 05-Sep-2012

thank you purr :)

Comment from KrisKris

Excellent

cooool,lol,i'm yet to understand this tanka type poem,but this sounded really good,good luck in the contest and well done.

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012

thank you kris :)

Comment from Ekim777

Excellent

Beautifully phrased especially the final couplet. I can visualize a couple picking at the petals, tossing them in the breeze; "She loves me. She loves me not;..." The Tanka such a neat verse form. Good luck. -Ekim777

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012

thank you ekim :)

Comment from Bina1

Excellent

A lovely poem, so light and delightful. Thank you for sharing, excellent presentation. A fine entry for the contest, good luck!

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012

thank you bina :)

Comment from Selestia

Excellent

Great acostic poem with a romantic message. I picture a young woman pulling the petals from the daisy, "He loves me, he loves me not." Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2012

---

reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012

thank you selestia :)

Comment from Tina McKala

Excellent

Beautiful work, beautiful images and words, the last line was awesome, it was so light, playful, somehow romantically naive, great job! Tina

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2012

---

reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012

thank you tina :)

Comment from marycec

Excellent

I've always loved daisies. An acrostic and tanka in one.I'm impressed.l love the reference to the child's game loves me, loves me not in your third line.Good alliteration in daisies and dance. Good luck in contest.

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2012

---

reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012

thank you mary :)

Comment from jb wade

Excellent

Very, very nice. What beautiful artwork. I have never cared much for daisies , but you make them beautiful with your words. So very lovely. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 29-Aug-2012

---

reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012

thank you wade :-)

Comment from RYME4U

Excellent

This is cleverly done. An acrostic and a Tanka all in one. Very descriptive with good imagery. I like the 'questioning the wind' part especially. Good job

 Comment Written 29-Aug-2012

---

reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012

thank you ryme :)