Into The Night
No description for evil28 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
the mountain had (received)her children taken
A good story. Wicked, but told well. Too bad it couldn't have been expanded just a wee bit more. I enjoyed (??) it. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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the mountain had (received)her children taken
A good story. Wicked, but told well. Too bad it couldn't have been expanded just a wee bit more. I enjoyed (??) it. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hi there! I fixed the misspell Robyn...thanks so much. Spellcheck doesn't work with advanced editor, at least not for me? Lol! I'm grateful to have you read this for me! Susan
Comment from Dave M
Susan,
This is an excellent short story about a serial murderer. I enjoyed this post and found one nit:
"An expert driver, this mountain held no challenge." This is a dangling phrase. It implies that the mountain was the driver.
Dave
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Susan,
This is an excellent short story about a serial murderer. I enjoyed this post and found one nit:
"An expert driver, this mountain held no challenge." This is a dangling phrase. It implies that the mountain was the driver.
Dave
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hi Dave! I added 'for him' to the sentence? I hope that's right. If not, just holler. I do very much appreciate your time and help! Thank you very much!! Susan
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
Hi. I just reread this. It now looks as though the trucker picked up or some how took this female; had his way with her, then tossed her over an embankment.
It's the last part that throws me off. You've stated he was angry; that she did not love him. This was not present through out. Actually I thought they were going to pull in somewhere and he wanted her to wake up and ride with him. The abuse I guess he raped her was not present throughout. so his tossing her out was incongruous. Still is.
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I take it that the driver killed the girl. This left me confused. But it seems others were able to follow it and understand.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hi. I just reread this. It now looks as though the trucker picked up or some how took this female; had his way with her, then tossed her over an embankment.
It's the last part that throws me off. You've stated he was angry; that she did not love him. This was not present through out. Actually I thought they were going to pull in somewhere and he wanted her to wake up and ride with him. The abuse I guess he raped her was not present throughout. so his tossing her out was incongruous. Still is.
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I take it that the driver killed the girl. This left me confused. But it seems others were able to follow it and understand.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hi Carolyn! Yes, he threw her off a cliff..? I read it again, and am not sure how to make it clearer? Let me know what it needs if you have time. Thank you so much!! Its nice to hear your thoughts...xoxo. Susan
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Outstanding!
The eerieness of the building tension, the lonliness of the road and the detailed understanding of a trucker's life all came together in this wonderful piece of flash fiction.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Outstanding!
The eerieness of the building tension, the lonliness of the road and the detailed understanding of a trucker's life all came together in this wonderful piece of flash fiction.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hi Ingrid! Thank you very much. I studied the rules and tried to use the right words, etc...it is harder than people think. I sure appreciate the extra star! I also hope you are doing well Ingrid. I wish I had good news. Same old same old. Hugs and love, Susan
Comment from Trybuck
Paul starts out as just a regular trucker even though you give little hints like " His lady slept deep." and " he cranked it up so Miss Dolly could wake the dead."
Where are the good guys when you need them??
Well done with your story, Buck
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Paul starts out as just a regular trucker even though you give little hints like " His lady slept deep." and " he cranked it up so Miss Dolly could wake the dead."
Where are the good guys when you need them??
Well done with your story, Buck
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hey! A six from my friend Buck! What a grand surprise! I thank you so much. It's a delight to see you approved of this Buck. Wow!! Susan
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Gripping story. You led into the horror so subtly that it crept up on the reader like a night cat. Imagery is great...you just did a splendid job with this. I hung on every word, which is saying something for someone who reads thousands of words every day.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Gripping story. You led into the horror so subtly that it crept up on the reader like a night cat. Imagery is great...you just did a splendid job with this. I hung on every word, which is saying something for someone who reads thousands of words every day.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hi Sherry! I'm just so happy you liked this. Or approved of how it was written...what a great review. Wow!! Hugs for making my evening!! Susan
Comment from robina1978
Unusual story this Flash Fiction Susan. But think you managed to keep it Flash. Held my attention from start to finish. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Unusual story this Flash Fiction Susan. But think you managed to keep it Flash. Held my attention from start to finish. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hi Ine!! I did study the rules and read other examples all the past two weeks, and I really tried to do it right. Few 'ly' or 'ing' words. Use less adverbs...it's hard! And thank you so much for reading and this great review too! It's always nice to hear your thoughts! xoxo! Susan
Comment from misscookie
As always I enjoyed reading your story especia the short ones , only because I can't always remenber what I was reading and had to start over again.
I like how your poem moves just like the truck steady as it goes. you express the trucker life on the road so well. thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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As always I enjoyed reading your story especia the short ones , only because I can't always remenber what I was reading and had to start over again.
I like how your poem moves just like the truck steady as it goes. you express the trucker life on the road so well. thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hi Cookie! I'm so grateful when I hear from you! This is sad, but I worked hard on it and sure appreciate that you read it for me. Thank you so much Cookie!! xoxo~ Susan
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Have a blessed week end.
Comment from Kaine Darcwater
I was a little lost when reading this story. I know that you had very few words, which never makes it easy to write a solid story. Flash Fiction in my opinion is merely an exercise in storytelling or a prologue. Let me see if I understood your story. This trucker was a serial rapist, who would pick up women and try to make them love him. If they didn't he kills them, and leaves the body where it lies. Interesting story that would be better if it were longer. ;)
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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I was a little lost when reading this story. I know that you had very few words, which never makes it easy to write a solid story. Flash Fiction in my opinion is merely an exercise in storytelling or a prologue. Let me see if I understood your story. This trucker was a serial rapist, who would pick up women and try to make them love him. If they didn't he kills them, and leaves the body where it lies. Interesting story that would be better if it were longer. ;)
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Hi Bryan...I'm so sorry. I read it again and I will try to do better next time? I would have to rewrite the whole thing this time? This could be a long story tho...but for flash it's a 'one moment' , 'one scene' thing. I do appreciate your thoughts tho and also a great review! It's helpful! hugs, Susan
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
Your praisworthy flash fiction in 512 words is dark and sensationally written with colorful imagery. Lily is the latest victim of serial killer & trucker Paul. I enjoy your excellent characterization, very good narrative voice and great detailed writing. In words you managed to establish a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your flash fiction. Your six worthy story is a contender for a possible win in the flash fiction contest. I wish you good luck in the contest. I would recommend your dialogue only story to other reviewers. I get this message or I'd give your story a deserved six: "You have rewarded this author a six star rating twice in the past thirty days so this rating is not available." You will get many more sixes to negate the unwarrented four you received. Love ya, my friend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Susan,
Your praisworthy flash fiction in 512 words is dark and sensationally written with colorful imagery. Lily is the latest victim of serial killer & trucker Paul. I enjoy your excellent characterization, very good narrative voice and great detailed writing. In words you managed to establish a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your flash fiction. Your six worthy story is a contender for a possible win in the flash fiction contest. I wish you good luck in the contest. I would recommend your dialogue only story to other reviewers. I get this message or I'd give your story a deserved six: "You have rewarded this author a six star rating twice in the past thirty days so this rating is not available." You will get many more sixes to negate the unwarrented four you received. Love ya, my friend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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I know, you too! We have to wait! It's okay...I know you like and approve of how this is written, and that's good enough for me! Thank you so much Missy. What a perfect review...you have saved this night for me! hugs! Susan
