Leon's Lost Loot
A short fable27 total reviews
Comment from writingdream7
I like the moral of the story you have at the end. We do need to keep things we value safe. I did notice one problem though. Is this "hide" supposed to be "hid?" "The creature had hide like a rock." Great writing.
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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I like the moral of the story you have at the end. We do need to keep things we value safe. I did notice one problem though. Is this "hide" supposed to be "hid?" "The creature had hide like a rock." Great writing.
Comment Written 04-May-2012
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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Hide meant skin. When Leon struck it, it was like striking a rock. Glad you liked the story. Thanks for the stars.
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I get it now. :)
Comment from WilliamDeen
Your Modern Fable, Leon's Lost Loot, is cute. I guess he found a blow up man?
So he found a pot of fake gold? How did he carry that heavy thing??? I like the moral of your story!
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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Your Modern Fable, Leon's Lost Loot, is cute. I guess he found a blow up man?
So he found a pot of fake gold? How did he carry that heavy thing??? I like the moral of your story!
Comment Written 04-May-2012
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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He's a leprechaun. He uses magic. Glad you liked it. Thanks for the stars.
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oh yeah.. that's right.. what was I thinking... LOL
Comment from Jonesy
Nicely done. It's clever and delivers the message in a way children can relate to. Also loved how the car was worked in but not explained. I can see they child's mind working trying to figure out what it is.
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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Nicely done. It's clever and delivers the message in a way children can relate to. Also loved how the car was worked in but not explained. I can see they child's mind working trying to figure out what it is.
Comment Written 04-May-2012
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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I'm glad you liked it. My grandkids figured out what it was right away. They're pretty clever these days. Thanks for the stars.
Comment from Bobbi22
What was it that he stabbed? I know this is flash fiction, but there seems to be a few gaps in your story. Good luck in the contest.
and gone back to sleep. -- had gone
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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What was it that he stabbed? I know this is flash fiction, but there seems to be a few gaps in your story. Good luck in the contest.
and gone back to sleep. -- had gone
Comment Written 04-May-2012
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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He stabbed a tire. The gold was in the trunk of a car.
Comment from adewpearl
Love the illustration :-)
You set the stage well in your opening paragraphs.
following the humans' trail - add the apostrophe for plural possessive
I love Leon's thinking a car is a creature with round legs. LOL
What a fun story - you sure made me smile :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Love the illustration :-)
You set the stage well in your opening paragraphs.
following the humans' trail - add the apostrophe for plural possessive
I love Leon's thinking a car is a creature with round legs. LOL
What a fun story - you sure made me smile :-) Brooke
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Thanks, I'll fix that right away. Thanks for reading my little story and the five stars.
Comment from inkedone
Excellent and fun little story with a great moral at the end. Your writing was descriptive and left me feeling satified. Great job.
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Excellent and fun little story with a great moral at the end. Your writing was descriptive and left me feeling satified. Great job.
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Thanks for reading my little story and giving it 5 stars. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Titanx9
A simple and moving story that's engaging and funny. You might want to consider changing this statement: "...and gone back to sleep." Consider changing it to read "...and went back to sleep." Nicely done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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A simple and moving story that's engaging and funny. You might want to consider changing this statement: "...and gone back to sleep." Consider changing it to read "...and went back to sleep." Nicely done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Thanks for reading my little story. I'm glad you found it engaging and funny. Kids tune out pretty quick if its not.
Comment from christianpowers
Hello,
This is the closest thing to a fable I've read yet, the most accurate entry.
I liked the description of the car sneaking up on me the way it did. Good job there.
Good luck in the contest.
Christian
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Hello,
This is the closest thing to a fable I've read yet, the most accurate entry.
I liked the description of the car sneaking up on me the way it did. Good job there.
Good luck in the contest.
Christian
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Thanks for reading my little story and giving it 5 stars. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Cute story. I wonder little kids will guess that the thing with round legs is a car... have you tested this on any kids? I love the description myself. :)
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Cute story. I wonder little kids will guess that the thing with round legs is a car... have you tested this on any kids? I love the description myself. :)
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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My grandchildren got it right away. Thanks for reviewing and the five stars.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This well-written, delightful little story is entertaining and has just the right amount of magic, while conveying a serious theme.
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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This well-written, delightful little story is entertaining and has just the right amount of magic, while conveying a serious theme.
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Thanks for reading my little story and giving it 5 stars. I'm glad you found it entertaining. Kids tune out pretty quickly if its not.
