Acorn Street Where all the Nuts Liv
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "A Pitch in Time"a loosly based memoir
15 total reviews
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was wonderful. I really loved when she saved them from tomotoes and the reaction.
". Large fingers .."
He doesn't know they are large if they are in the back of his neck. Strong fingers might work better.
Great job. This was a fun and enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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I thought this was wonderful. I really loved when she saved them from tomotoes and the reaction.
". Large fingers .."
He doesn't know they are large if they are in the back of his neck. Strong fingers might work better.
Great job. This was a fun and enjoyable read.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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I will see to that change, glad u enjoyed it.
Comment from alexisleech
As I suspected, Nona was right all along. Why are kids so nasty, especially when someone is different and outnumbered. I'm sure Nona was delighted when the spelling was forgotten in preference to finding out about Rome. This was another delightful insight into your childhood.
Alexis x
act as if the bull(y)ing hadn't (not) happened.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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As I suspected, Nona was right all along. Why are kids so nasty, especially when someone is different and outnumbered. I'm sure Nona was delighted when the spelling was forgotten in preference to finding out about Rome. This was another delightful insight into your childhood.
Alexis x
act as if the bull(y)ing hadn't (not) happened.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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thank you
Comment from Eric1
Hi Joann, this was a wonderful, wonderful story about the little girl growing up with her Nona, I suspect that there is more truth than fiction in this beautifully told tale of bullies and the world of children growing up on the streets, I noticed just one spag my friend.
Bulling = Bullying.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Hi Joann, this was a wonderful, wonderful story about the little girl growing up with her Nona, I suspect that there is more truth than fiction in this beautifully told tale of bullies and the world of children growing up on the streets, I noticed just one spag my friend.
Bulling = Bullying.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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thank you and i will correct it.
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You are welcome my friend
Comment from Sam Mendonca
Great continuation of the first chapter.
It seems a lesson was learnt with the actions of the other children. It seem to be true without the past up until the present.
Very well done.
One small typo-
crazy ,let's get
crazy,let's get
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Great continuation of the first chapter.
It seems a lesson was learnt with the actions of the other children. It seem to be true without the past up until the present.
Very well done.
One small typo-
crazy ,let's get
crazy,let's get
Comment Written 17-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Thank you, I will fix that
Comment from CR Delport
Another interesting chapter that is well written and well delivered. The story flows nicely and the dialogue is easy to follow. Just watch for passive voice sentences and overuse of adverbs. Take this passive voice sentence for example: The leader was a lanky boy with muscular arms and pants that needed hemming. --- The leader, a lanky boy with muscular arms and pants that needed hemming. **** Just a small change gets rids of the passive voice and the sentence reads better.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Another interesting chapter that is well written and well delivered. The story flows nicely and the dialogue is easy to follow. Just watch for passive voice sentences and overuse of adverbs. Take this passive voice sentence for example: The leader was a lanky boy with muscular arms and pants that needed hemming. --- The leader, a lanky boy with muscular arms and pants that needed hemming. **** Just a small change gets rids of the passive voice and the sentence reads better.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Damn, That gets me every time, I blame it on my former editor, she told me to write in the past tense, I'll fix those errors,
Comment from donaldww
Great title! (Should Liv be spelled Live? as in Where all the Nuts Live.)
I like the theme of this story. You point out that no one loves you like family. This presents this idea beautifully. And I love this about the Italian culture, have seen this in some of your other stories. In some ways, it is perfect to show European cultures American context, where the differences become magnified because of the diversity.
One thing I noticed is grammatical. When you have dialogue, followed by he said, she said, etc. the dialogue should have a comma, not a period.
For example:
"Hi," I said.
"Look who's here? Garlic breath," he snickered.
etc.
There are more that you should check carefully.
I also thought just saying "The Godfather" without adding "movie" is stronger. We all know that it is a movie.
I love the picture of Nona hurling tomatoes at "super speed."
All told, an excellent story.
DW
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
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Great title! (Should Liv be spelled Live? as in Where all the Nuts Live.)
I like the theme of this story. You point out that no one loves you like family. This presents this idea beautifully. And I love this about the Italian culture, have seen this in some of your other stories. In some ways, it is perfect to show European cultures American context, where the differences become magnified because of the diversity.
One thing I noticed is grammatical. When you have dialogue, followed by he said, she said, etc. the dialogue should have a comma, not a period.
For example:
"Hi," I said.
"Look who's here? Garlic breath," he snickered.
etc.
There are more that you should check carefully.
I also thought just saying "The Godfather" without adding "movie" is stronger. We all know that it is a movie.
I love the picture of Nona hurling tomatoes at "super speed."
All told, an excellent story.
DW
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
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Aww, thanks Don hon, coming from you I'm flattered. I will see to the corrections and I was cut off with the word live. Still working on one of the short shorts that you do so well. Blesss you
Comment from Carole Rosa
Joannr, I love the title of your story! Bulling was prevalent in days long ago, but nothing compared to present days of bulling, when kids shoot each other. Good Story. Carole
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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Joannr, I love the title of your story! Bulling was prevalent in days long ago, but nothing compared to present days of bulling, when kids shoot each other. Good Story. Carole
Comment Written 13-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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I know, it is sad, imagine going on line and seeing that people hate you and want u to die, its gotta stop, i get sick to my stomach
Comment from Halfree
Ok, it is a good story and enjoyed reading. However,the second paragraph the second sentence; when I read it I thought his pants needed muscular arms. Then the sentence about the peanut butter sandwich..Didn't seem to fit.
"I felt it percolate.." Again, seems out of place
Paragraph seven about being different, story at this point has not established that the girl is different.
Story needs a bit more development.The old lady throwing tomatoes...good stuff.
Don't want to be a downer but the story needs a little rewrite and it will be a great story.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Ok, it is a good story and enjoyed reading. However,the second paragraph the second sentence; when I read it I thought his pants needed muscular arms. Then the sentence about the peanut butter sandwich..Didn't seem to fit.
"I felt it percolate.." Again, seems out of place
Paragraph seven about being different, story at this point has not established that the girl is different.
Story needs a bit more development.The old lady throwing tomatoes...good stuff.
Don't want to be a downer but the story needs a little rewrite and it will be a great story.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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thank you so much
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I did go over what you said, and it is most helpful, feel free to rate my work as you see it thanks again
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It is a good story, keep at it.Would like to see a rewrite if you choose to do so.
Comment from Bina1
A grandma is the best! A sweet, endearing story. Kids can be such brats at times!Bullying is nothing new! Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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A grandma is the best! A sweet, endearing story. Kids can be such brats at times!Bullying is nothing new! Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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thank u so much
Comment from johnabrennan1
JoAnn,
A few Spags for you to contemplate..............
They leered at me for what...........during The Godfather..
......lanky boy with muscular arms and pants that needed hems.........
front lawn,............
....about them that they hated..........
..........Mortified I dropped as I..............
......They stared at me and broke...........
...........sun beat down on my............
.........sweat ran down..........
........was different or Italian...........or would ever be invited........
.....pastina as I lay on the couch ill with a fever. She loved me so.............
"Get her," someone...........
......but I hadn't laced..........
.............self esteem. In between............
.........whizzed through the air...........
......tomato stick........
...was crazy, let's get..............
..........tomato puree............
Hope this helps.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2012
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JoAnn,
A few Spags for you to contemplate..............
They leered at me for what...........during The Godfather..
......lanky boy with muscular arms and pants that needed hems.........
front lawn,............
....about them that they hated..........
..........Mortified I dropped as I..............
......They stared at me and broke...........
...........sun beat down on my............
.........sweat ran down..........
........was different or Italian...........or would ever be invited........
.....pastina as I lay on the couch ill with a fever. She loved me so.............
"Get her," someone...........
......but I hadn't laced..........
.............self esteem. In between............
.........whizzed through the air...........
......tomato stick........
...was crazy, let's get..............
..........tomato puree............
Hope this helps.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2012
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Yes it sure does, how was the story line were u engaged at all times, how was flow and credabitlity, also what is this new event i her about in the city with Lisa, a reading event, u know how much I love to read . thanks agin for being kind enough toreview
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Let me know when you have made the changes. The reading was at a theatre on W23rd. I got notified by e-mail from LIWG so went to lend support.
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who's Lisa the teacher , what did she read , did you who else from the guild was there
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No, Lisa goes to LIWG and was asked to read. I didn't see anyone there that I recognized. She read a fantasy story.
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I dont think I know her, it sounded fun, glad she had a good one
