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Viewing comments for Chapter 70 "The Rows of M.L.E."Shorter stories
15 total reviews
Comment from Glasstruth
I think this was a great science fiction story. Great imagination and presented really well. Loved the brazen housekeeper. What agreat story! Les
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2012
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I think this was a great science fiction story. Great imagination and presented really well. Loved the brazen housekeeper. What agreat story! Les
Comment Written 01-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your encouraging and kind review. Bill
Comment from Essence16
I think this was a very creative and interesting story. I liked the plot and I think the numerous details you used were very helpful. Great job on this!
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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I think this was a very creative and interesting story. I liked the plot and I think the numerous details you used were very helpful. Great job on this!
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Thank you for your exceeding rapid review of my story. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from inkedone
Really good Science Fiction. I try to read all types of writing to better build my own skills. Although, Sci-Fi isn't exactly my forte', this was easy to read because it kept my interest.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Really good Science Fiction. I try to read all types of writing to better build my own skills. Although, Sci-Fi isn't exactly my forte', this was easy to read because it kept my interest.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from JoyMarie
Awesome imagination going on here, however I found it a little hard to follow after the first sentence with the intro of the "TOE-B" so early on. The technicality of it threw me off the story, so as I was reading I was losing information still trying to digest the digits. You then refer later to the "TOE-B" as "TOE-BE" so I was further lost trying to figure out what I missed along the read? Otherwise the story is quite interesting. I was wondering where it was going so it kept me reading on and wanting more.
JoyMarie
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2012
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Awesome imagination going on here, however I found it a little hard to follow after the first sentence with the intro of the "TOE-B" so early on. The technicality of it threw me off the story, so as I was reading I was losing information still trying to digest the digits. You then refer later to the "TOE-B" as "TOE-BE" so I was further lost trying to figure out what I missed along the read? Otherwise the story is quite interesting. I was wondering where it was going so it kept me reading on and wanting more.
JoyMarie
Comment Written 21-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2012
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Thanks for the review. I didn't realize I'd spelled TOE-B wrong. Live long.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
My, this is a unique story - I've never read anything like it before - what a vivid imagination you have. Although it's not to my taste, I found it very well presented, which made it easy reading.
The only suggestion I have is that you build up the characters more to give the reader a better picture of them.
as Ms. G's tower was a dead reminder[,] of a past that - this is a run-on sentence - thus doesn't need the comma
Margaret
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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My, this is a unique story - I've never read anything like it before - what a vivid imagination you have. Although it's not to my taste, I found it very well presented, which made it easy reading.
The only suggestion I have is that you build up the characters more to give the reader a better picture of them.
as Ms. G's tower was a dead reminder[,] of a past that - this is a run-on sentence - thus doesn't need the comma
Margaret
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Margaret, Thank you for your kind and helpful review.
Comment from joann r romei
this is a very different type of piece, i was confused at certain points about the changes with the cosmos, it was interesting, some character development and depth should be added to absord the reader more,
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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this is a very different type of piece, i was confused at certain points about the changes with the cosmos, it was interesting, some character development and depth should be added to absord the reader more,
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your useful and honest review.
Comment from bwheeler
First of all, let me tell you that I really enjoyed how creative this story was. I really have a hard time recalling reading a story as original as these on Fan Story. I really enjoyed your use of plants and botany, of how the natural world blended with the artifacts of a lost time. In that sense, I did feel the connection to a Faulkner story (not only A Rose for Emily). I too am a large fan of Faulkner's works, and if you don't mind me mentioning it, this story really made me think about Faulkner's story "As I Lay Dying." Just really a really creative and complex world created in this story.
I did feel confused at some parts of the story. Was Mrs. G the first to inquire about being brought back to life from the dead? I couldn't tell at times if she was the first, or if others came before her. If others came before her, then what is the reason for the indecision that the "Ripe?" have about bringing her back to life. Are the two climbers among the "Ripe" that you mention. If so, then did the two eat of the beans who fell off of the vine though they knew better as the "ripe?" If the climbers were not members of the Ripe, then why did the Ripe choose them to inquire about Mrs. G's death? Can the Ripe not climb for themselves? What happened to the male climber at the end? I follow that the female was consumed for fertilizer, but your writing lost me on what happened to the male. Was he discarded after mating? Were there now two of him walking around? This is such a creative, and elaborate story that it is easy to lose your reader unless you are very, very precise with your language. Please do not feel upset by these points. Many people often do get upset at my comments, but I want to help, and with a story this creative and wonderfully rich and complex, I do feel it forces you to work all the harder to make the motivations and mechanisms at work in your story very clear.
Overall, I really like the overall world created here. It's a world that, as a reader, I feel I could get lost in if you ever wanted to pursue it through a larger work. If you are interested in going back and tweaking it, I would suggest that you try to elaborate a little more on motivations and background to some of the characters and rituals in this wonderful world you have created.
Thanks for working so hard on this story. Please ignore any of my criticisms if you feel they are too far off of the mark, and good luck with your future efforts.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
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First of all, let me tell you that I really enjoyed how creative this story was. I really have a hard time recalling reading a story as original as these on Fan Story. I really enjoyed your use of plants and botany, of how the natural world blended with the artifacts of a lost time. In that sense, I did feel the connection to a Faulkner story (not only A Rose for Emily). I too am a large fan of Faulkner's works, and if you don't mind me mentioning it, this story really made me think about Faulkner's story "As I Lay Dying." Just really a really creative and complex world created in this story.
I did feel confused at some parts of the story. Was Mrs. G the first to inquire about being brought back to life from the dead? I couldn't tell at times if she was the first, or if others came before her. If others came before her, then what is the reason for the indecision that the "Ripe?" have about bringing her back to life. Are the two climbers among the "Ripe" that you mention. If so, then did the two eat of the beans who fell off of the vine though they knew better as the "ripe?" If the climbers were not members of the Ripe, then why did the Ripe choose them to inquire about Mrs. G's death? Can the Ripe not climb for themselves? What happened to the male climber at the end? I follow that the female was consumed for fertilizer, but your writing lost me on what happened to the male. Was he discarded after mating? Were there now two of him walking around? This is such a creative, and elaborate story that it is easy to lose your reader unless you are very, very precise with your language. Please do not feel upset by these points. Many people often do get upset at my comments, but I want to help, and with a story this creative and wonderfully rich and complex, I do feel it forces you to work all the harder to make the motivations and mechanisms at work in your story very clear.
Overall, I really like the overall world created here. It's a world that, as a reader, I feel I could get lost in if you ever wanted to pursue it through a larger work. If you are interested in going back and tweaking it, I would suggest that you try to elaborate a little more on motivations and background to some of the characters and rituals in this wonderful world you have created.
Thanks for working so hard on this story. Please ignore any of my criticisms if you feel they are too far off of the mark, and good luck with your future efforts.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
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I am so happy to generate your interest to this degree. Let me first say that the story was conceived simply to use the images from A Rose for Emily and implant them in a SF story. I have been told that the characters are rather flat and that the story is rife for expansion. I think I will explore fleshing out the characters and creating a stand alone story.
To answer your questions: The MLE provided a way to bind its lifeforce to humans and create a society linked mentally and chemically. There are Christian images such as the three day resurection and becoming one with the creator. Ms. G could serve as a serpent figure that destroys this utopian existance after man tastes of the tree of knowledge (bean eating and bean woman sex). The Ripe meet before every 'continuity' to judge whether someone should be brought back. If Ms.G had been sucessfully returned to the Rows, a decision would have then been made. Thinking logically, the Ripe would probably choose to let her stay dead. The Ripe are the old people. Climbing is for the young. The male climber who ended up dead on the ground was the trojan horse that gave Ms. G access to the Rows.
Some other thoughts I've been given are that the water is too high. Apparently 220 feet is the maximum increase in sea level if all the ice in the world melted. Also, if the days were 27 hours long, the Earth would be farther from the Sun and the planet colder, not warmer.
These are all terrific observations from SF enthusiasts.
Thank you again for your comments and suggestions. Bill
Comment from djsaxon
Mesmerizing! A wonderful innovative spin on A rose For Emily. Faulkner is a favorite American author of mine. Loved the cheeky (scary?) play on Tobe, the house keeper, and the sci-fi bent. A plethora of interesting concepts packed into a relatively short piece, but the clarity of the write never once got in the way of a great read. You have a new fan!
Cheers - DJ
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2012
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Mesmerizing! A wonderful innovative spin on A rose For Emily. Faulkner is a favorite American author of mine. Loved the cheeky (scary?) play on Tobe, the house keeper, and the sci-fi bent. A plethora of interesting concepts packed into a relatively short piece, but the clarity of the write never once got in the way of a great read. You have a new fan!
Cheers - DJ
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your kind and encoraging review. Aussie (Got it)
Comment from Gloria ....
Hi there Bill. This is an interesting story. I really like the mutations occurring because of the change in the earth's position in the cosmos and changes at the molecular level where inorganic matter has been transformed to organic matter. That is a frightening thought especially at the microbe level.
Just a couple of things:
Omage to (homage) Faulkner
The polar caps melted, and what would become the new sea level, was a thousand feet higher than what it had been previously. It is estimated that if all the polar caps melted the sea level would rise about 220 feet.
And wouldn't additional distance from the sun cause cooling rather than warming? I am presuming earth is further away from the sun because the days are three hours longer? Or have time measurements altered something else?
Anyway nice job! It's fascinating getting a glimpse inside the heads of how others imagine futuristic possibilities.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Hi there Bill. This is an interesting story. I really like the mutations occurring because of the change in the earth's position in the cosmos and changes at the molecular level where inorganic matter has been transformed to organic matter. That is a frightening thought especially at the microbe level.
Just a couple of things:
Omage to (homage) Faulkner
The polar caps melted, and what would become the new sea level, was a thousand feet higher than what it had been previously. It is estimated that if all the polar caps melted the sea level would rise about 220 feet.
And wouldn't additional distance from the sun cause cooling rather than warming? I am presuming earth is further away from the sun because the days are three hours longer? Or have time measurements altered something else?
Anyway nice job! It's fascinating getting a glimpse inside the heads of how others imagine futuristic possibilities.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your fascinating review. I have corrected the spelling for my homage to Faulkner. The purpose of the story was the reworking of the images from A Rose For Emily more than the actual geo-physical manifestations of a global diaster. The original version included lunar activity that caused maelstroms and tidal waves, along with volcanic eruptions...yada, yada, yada. I will certainly consider lowering the depth of the water and shortening the days (the latter should get the union vote). I appreciate your helpful details that should improve this humble story. Bill
Comment from adewpearl
Vivid description of setting
You create a fascinating world/society
in this futuristic story
You explain the shift in the Earth's revolution and its consequences well
I think Faulkner would appreciate this nod :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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Vivid description of setting
You create a fascinating world/society
in this futuristic story
You explain the shift in the Earth's revolution and its consequences well
I think Faulkner would appreciate this nod :-) Brooke
Comment Written 06-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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Brooke, Thank you for your kind and meaningful review. I always appreciate your comments. Bill
