Acorn Street Where all the Nuts Liv
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Playtime"a loosly based memoir
24 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Well written. Children need time to play as well as time to learn how to properly do things. Action flowed well. Story line easy to follow. Write on.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Well written. Children need time to play as well as time to learn how to properly do things. Action flowed well. Story line easy to follow. Write on.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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there is a part two, try to read it thanks for this marvelous review.
Comment from Spitfire
Love your character descriptions and the Italian accent in dialogue. Great fun to read out loud. Also a look into the cultural values of this ethnic group. The goal of the narrator is clear--how to fit in with Americans. A delightful read.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Love your character descriptions and the Italian accent in dialogue. Great fun to read out loud. Also a look into the cultural values of this ethnic group. The goal of the narrator is clear--how to fit in with Americans. A delightful read.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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whatever, lol...
Thank you so very much,
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was an excellent start. I think you did a great job starting this book off. Some small things might help. You "tell" us a lot. Showing us would help. For example, instead of telling us that she always spoke loud you could show us. After dialogue you could write "boomed Nona". Or screeched or similar words to show us this.
Great job.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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I thought this was an excellent start. I think you did a great job starting this book off. Some small things might help. You "tell" us a lot. Showing us would help. For example, instead of telling us that she always spoke loud you could show us. After dialogue you could write "boomed Nona". Or screeched or similar words to show us this.
Great job.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Ok I will study it a bit,
Comment from alexisleech
What a charming story. I'm sure the idea of playing with the local kids is much more interesting than learning to make minestrone soup, especially at the age of nine! Having said that, I somehow think grandmother might be right!
Alexis x
tenets (tenants) were a newlywed
In a timid voice (I) said,
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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What a charming story. I'm sure the idea of playing with the local kids is much more interesting than learning to make minestrone soup, especially at the age of nine! Having said that, I somehow think grandmother might be right!
Alexis x
tenets (tenants) were a newlywed
In a timid voice (I) said,
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Thanks again and i will fix the errors
Comment from Eric1
Hi Joann, This is a heartwarming tale told from the perspective of a wide eyed little girl growing up in America with her Italian Nona or Grandmother.
There is a lot of stuff you mention which is reminiscent of the fities /sixties era.
I look forward to reading your second chapter my friend, if it as good as this one then it will be divine!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Hi Joann, This is a heartwarming tale told from the perspective of a wide eyed little girl growing up in America with her Italian Nona or Grandmother.
There is a lot of stuff you mention which is reminiscent of the fities /sixties era.
I look forward to reading your second chapter my friend, if it as good as this one then it will be divine!
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Thank you again
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My pleasure Joann
Comment from thequeencatalyst
I like the content of this chapter, and the way you portrayed your characters thoughts. Kudos. Although I would suggest going through it and making sure you've said what you intended to; because there a few parts where the word doesn't quite match. Aside from that, good job!
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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I like the content of this chapter, and the way you portrayed your characters thoughts. Kudos. Although I would suggest going through it and making sure you've said what you intended to; because there a few parts where the word doesn't quite match. Aside from that, good job!
Comment Written 17-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Thank you and I will do that
Comment from Sam Mendonca
Great starting chapter, laying down the story line of what seem to be a very interesting story.
Some of it sounds like my childhood and the ways of the elders. :-)
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Great starting chapter, laying down the story line of what seem to be a very interesting story.
Some of it sounds like my childhood and the ways of the elders. :-)
Comment Written 17-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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thank you for the 5 stars
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Joann,
The story is interesting and compelling. It is written with good imagery and a pleasing flow. The characters come across as real people and the interaction between them is excellent. It is a good read and exposes the reader to a bit of the Italian culture.
Curtis
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Joann,
The story is interesting and compelling. It is written with good imagery and a pleasing flow. The characters come across as real people and the interaction between them is excellent. It is a good read and exposes the reader to a bit of the Italian culture.
Curtis
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thank you, I will post the part 2
Comment from emjaihammond
This is a very entertaining story. I can easily relate to the main and her grandmother as well. I was quickly drawn into the heart of the story. This flows very well, and I believe you have done a very nice job.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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This is a very entertaining story. I can easily relate to the main and her grandmother as well. I was quickly drawn into the heart of the story. This flows very well, and I believe you have done a very nice job.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thank you, I will post the part 2
Comment from LancsLass
The title is great!
(I assume the site cut the word 'Liv' off because of letter count and it's not a typo.)
Your story has a warm fuzzy feel to it. I very much like the way you wrote Nona's voice, I could hear her :)
'...champion in home economics,' made me smile
typos:
'...Christmas decorations and winter coats here.' Aren't they in the kitchen, wouldn't it be 'there' not here?
'...it frightened me. s She ' cut 's'
'With out opening her old eyes' Without
'Every one said I looked beautiful with thread as jewelry' Everyone
'Nona managed to smuggle a years worth' year's worth
'her home town in Italy ,' move comma
'superstions' superstitions
Things to consider:
'Nona always spoke loud' loudly,
'She always wore a heavy medallion around her thick neck and piled her white hair in a bun giving her a matriarch effect.'
Wouldn't it give her a 'matriarchal look', not matriarch effect. She was a matriarch. Good description
'Even though she was old, the angles of her face reminded me of an antique black and white photo where the people remained stiff and never smiled.'
I'm wondering why you start it with, 'Even though she was old'. Wasn't it because she was old? Cut the phrase and start with, 'The angles...' Another good description
' I'd try to concentrate but end up daydreaming about Keith Donavan's tiny nose and pale cheeks, wishing he'd smile at me instead of Kathleen O' Grady and the other light haired girls in class.' And another
'I was tired of eating Nutella on a roll, chopping vegetables and polishing marble on another glorious Saturday.'
This sentence says that she was tired of already doing all those things on that particular Saturday. Is that what you mean? If it is, ignore the next bit... LOL
If she is tired of doing these things on many Saturdays in a row, and doesn't want to spend another one doing the same, then cut the word 'another' and change Saturday to Saturdays.
'On her own, Nona managed to smuggle a years worth of provolone and homemade salamis in her valise when she came to America so she could remember her home town in Italy , yet her old world superstions were as much part of her as seeds were to the tomatoes she planted in the garden.'
The word 'yet' implies 'contrast'. Something is this, yet it is also that. Nona wanting to remember her home and the superstitions she has are 'like' things. So a 'comparison' word such as 'and' would be better.
But, it is a very long sentence that I don't have enough breath to say. LOL Try splitting it in two. A period after Italy and a new sentence that begins with 'Her old world superstitions... It reads easily and eliminates the problem of yet/and altogether. Also, it's a lovely description.
These are some things I noticed as I read. Just my opinion so take what you like and leave the rest :)
This is a really lovely scene between grandmother and granddaughter that also gives some insight into what it's like to be a 'new' American child, as my children were around this age.
Enjoyed the read, well done, Anna
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2012
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The title is great!
(I assume the site cut the word 'Liv' off because of letter count and it's not a typo.)
Your story has a warm fuzzy feel to it. I very much like the way you wrote Nona's voice, I could hear her :)
'...champion in home economics,' made me smile
typos:
'...Christmas decorations and winter coats here.' Aren't they in the kitchen, wouldn't it be 'there' not here?
'...it frightened me. s She ' cut 's'
'With out opening her old eyes' Without
'Every one said I looked beautiful with thread as jewelry' Everyone
'Nona managed to smuggle a years worth' year's worth
'her home town in Italy ,' move comma
'superstions' superstitions
Things to consider:
'Nona always spoke loud' loudly,
'She always wore a heavy medallion around her thick neck and piled her white hair in a bun giving her a matriarch effect.'
Wouldn't it give her a 'matriarchal look', not matriarch effect. She was a matriarch. Good description
'Even though she was old, the angles of her face reminded me of an antique black and white photo where the people remained stiff and never smiled.'
I'm wondering why you start it with, 'Even though she was old'. Wasn't it because she was old? Cut the phrase and start with, 'The angles...' Another good description
' I'd try to concentrate but end up daydreaming about Keith Donavan's tiny nose and pale cheeks, wishing he'd smile at me instead of Kathleen O' Grady and the other light haired girls in class.' And another
'I was tired of eating Nutella on a roll, chopping vegetables and polishing marble on another glorious Saturday.'
This sentence says that she was tired of already doing all those things on that particular Saturday. Is that what you mean? If it is, ignore the next bit... LOL
If she is tired of doing these things on many Saturdays in a row, and doesn't want to spend another one doing the same, then cut the word 'another' and change Saturday to Saturdays.
'On her own, Nona managed to smuggle a years worth of provolone and homemade salamis in her valise when she came to America so she could remember her home town in Italy , yet her old world superstions were as much part of her as seeds were to the tomatoes she planted in the garden.'
The word 'yet' implies 'contrast'. Something is this, yet it is also that. Nona wanting to remember her home and the superstitions she has are 'like' things. So a 'comparison' word such as 'and' would be better.
But, it is a very long sentence that I don't have enough breath to say. LOL Try splitting it in two. A period after Italy and a new sentence that begins with 'Her old world superstitions... It reads easily and eliminates the problem of yet/and altogether. Also, it's a lovely description.
These are some things I noticed as I read. Just my opinion so take what you like and leave the rest :)
This is a really lovely scene between grandmother and granddaughter that also gives some insight into what it's like to be a 'new' American child, as my children were around this age.
Enjoyed the read, well done, Anna
Comment Written 11-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2012
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thank u so much and you are right , i love these edits , you are the bomb.
