The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Getting to Know Grandmother"A family learns their father is a serial killer
20 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
Now the conversation between James and his grandmother is getting interesting.His grandmother certainly had a lot of fears, she apparently had been taught very little about civilized life. this has left her with a nearly complete ignorance of hospital equipment and procedures.
It is not surprising that things like a stethoscope terrified her. It must have seemed similar to some of the things used to bind and torture her. The hospital restraints would certainly have scared her. from the time she was kidnapped as a small child such devices had been used only to torture and restrain her.
Once she got used to the idea that James was her grandson and only wanted to help her,did grandmother open up. Then she spoke broken English. she had been hiding behind her apparent lack of English. Now grandmother started to reveal that she also had survival skills that allowed her to live off the land for over five years. Obviously she was more intelligent than the police thought.
now I want to know what else the old lady knows.
I noticed only one minor error: "Hello, I am Doctor Williams, your [grandmother.s ==> grandmother's] doctor."{A typo?}
very well written.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
Now the conversation between James and his grandmother is getting interesting.His grandmother certainly had a lot of fears, she apparently had been taught very little about civilized life. this has left her with a nearly complete ignorance of hospital equipment and procedures.
It is not surprising that things like a stethoscope terrified her. It must have seemed similar to some of the things used to bind and torture her. The hospital restraints would certainly have scared her. from the time she was kidnapped as a small child such devices had been used only to torture and restrain her.
Once she got used to the idea that James was her grandson and only wanted to help her,did grandmother open up. Then she spoke broken English. she had been hiding behind her apparent lack of English. Now grandmother started to reveal that she also had survival skills that allowed her to live off the land for over five years. Obviously she was more intelligent than the police thought.
now I want to know what else the old lady knows.
I noticed only one minor error: "Hello, I am Doctor Williams, your [grandmother.s ==> grandmother's] doctor."{A typo?}
very well written.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. Yes, Grandmother has a lot more to say.
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
Chapter thirty-six is both tragic and chilling. The way she told how she killed to survive a serial killer that forced her into slavery. I bet grandmothers mind is a labrenth of all kinds of fucked up. I watch a true crime documentary the other night about a family reliving finding out a family member was a rapist serial killer and grandmother and mom testified against him at trial. His actions fractured the family forever. Your latest chapter is wonderfully written. Your writiing packs and emotional punch. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. You used the following:
Narrative: great
Sentence structure: very good
Dialogue: excellent
I'd recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers. Thanks for entertaining me in with your story, my friend. Keep on writing with a imaginative pen. I wish you a lovely day...Melissa.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Sasha,
Chapter thirty-six is both tragic and chilling. The way she told how she killed to survive a serial killer that forced her into slavery. I bet grandmothers mind is a labrenth of all kinds of fucked up. I watch a true crime documentary the other night about a family reliving finding out a family member was a rapist serial killer and grandmother and mom testified against him at trial. His actions fractured the family forever. Your latest chapter is wonderfully written. Your writiing packs and emotional punch. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. You used the following:
Narrative: great
Sentence structure: very good
Dialogue: excellent
I'd recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers. Thanks for entertaining me in with your story, my friend. Keep on writing with a imaginative pen. I wish you a lovely day...Melissa.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Thanks for the great review. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from bob cullen
Fanstory has unearthed an amazing talent in smurphgirl. This has publishable written all over it.
Your characters are most credible, james is extraordinary and I loved Susan in the previous chapter.
Your dialogue is flawless.
I am really enjoying your story. Have you completed the manuscript yet. I feel you should be submitting this work to both agents and publishers. To my untrained eye your work has achieved the standard necessary for publication
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Fanstory has unearthed an amazing talent in smurphgirl. This has publishable written all over it.
Your characters are most credible, james is extraordinary and I loved Susan in the previous chapter.
Your dialogue is flawless.
I am really enjoying your story. Have you completed the manuscript yet. I feel you should be submitting this work to both agents and publishers. To my untrained eye your work has achieved the standard necessary for publication
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
Thank you very much for your enthusiastic review and 6 stars. I sincerely appreciate it. No, I have not finished the manuscript but am almost finished.
Comment from Alaskastory
'Getting to Know Grandmother' is a truly fine chapter, Sasha. I sure do like the way you bring the poor grandmother to life and tell of her miserable past.
typo with hyphen: '..Williams, your grandmother[.](')s doctor."
drop 'k': 'Mac[k] interrupted.
It feels like the story is winding toward the end. Marie
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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'Getting to Know Grandmother' is a truly fine chapter, Sasha. I sure do like the way you bring the poor grandmother to life and tell of her miserable past.
typo with hyphen: '..Williams, your grandmother[.](')s doctor."
drop 'k': 'Mac[k] interrupted.
It feels like the story is winding toward the end. Marie
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. Yes, a few loose ends to tie up and we are nearing the and.
Comment from Joan E.
Evil Eddie often doesn't like English--Romanian must have driven him bonkers! Yes, James' responses make the conversations clear. I do not remember this chapter from the past--I either missed it or it is new and a good addition for further background about the making of a serial killer! -Joan
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Evil Eddie often doesn't like English--Romanian must have driven him bonkers! Yes, James' responses make the conversations clear. I do not remember this chapter from the past--I either missed it or it is new and a good addition for further background about the making of a serial killer! -Joan
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Grandmother an Dark, grandfather, are new characters. I thought the story needed more background and clarification of where Dad came from.
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Brilliant additions along with the color of the Romanian language! -Joan
Comment from rtobaygo
I ALWAYS USE UPPER CASE TO RESPOND, SO PLEASE DON'T MISINTERPRET IT AS SHOUTING OR YELLING.
EXCELLENT DIALOGUE AND JAMES ACTION AND WORDS WHEN EXPLAINING HIS GRANDMOTHER'S ROMANIAN IS QUITE GOOD. EASY TO SEE THAT JAMES IS THE MAIN PROTAGONIST, WITH THE DETECTIVE, POSSIBLY TO SECOND. THE ANTAGONIST IS OF COURSE THE MASS MURDERER. SOME SHOWING, BUT WITH THE WAY YOU CRAFTED THE CHAPTERS, TELLING WAS A FAR BETTER WAY TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR READER. ENJOYED READING THE CHAPTER MAINLY FROM JAMES POV.
TAKE CARE,
RAY
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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I ALWAYS USE UPPER CASE TO RESPOND, SO PLEASE DON'T MISINTERPRET IT AS SHOUTING OR YELLING.
EXCELLENT DIALOGUE AND JAMES ACTION AND WORDS WHEN EXPLAINING HIS GRANDMOTHER'S ROMANIAN IS QUITE GOOD. EASY TO SEE THAT JAMES IS THE MAIN PROTAGONIST, WITH THE DETECTIVE, POSSIBLY TO SECOND. THE ANTAGONIST IS OF COURSE THE MASS MURDERER. SOME SHOWING, BUT WITH THE WAY YOU CRAFTED THE CHAPTERS, TELLING WAS A FAR BETTER WAY TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR READER. ENJOYED READING THE CHAPTER MAINLY FROM JAMES POV.
TAKE CARE,
RAY
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Thank you very much for your enthusiastic review and wonderful 6 stars, I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from psalmist
It seems to me James is a survivor like his grandmother. I like the addition of her character to help fill in holes in the family background, and to maybe be a catalyst to help the family heal. I did find one sentence that needed a couple of tweaks: A few minutes later a Young man (young should be lower case), not much older than me, introduced himself. "Hello, I am Doctor Williams, your grandmothers (needs to be 's in grandmother's)doctor." Great job. Linda
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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It seems to me James is a survivor like his grandmother. I like the addition of her character to help fill in holes in the family background, and to maybe be a catalyst to help the family heal. I did find one sentence that needed a couple of tweaks: A few minutes later a Young man (young should be lower case), not much older than me, introduced himself. "Hello, I am Doctor Williams, your grandmothers (needs to be 's in grandmother's)doctor." Great job. Linda
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
Thanks for catching the spags. I am so pleased you continue to like this.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
WOW! What a terrible life that poor woman has led.
You could write a complete novel just about her!
Every new chapter is full of surprises.
Bring on the next one.
Ron
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Hi Smurphy
WOW! What a terrible life that poor woman has led.
You could write a complete novel just about her!
Every new chapter is full of surprises.
Bring on the next one.
Ron
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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I am so pleased you liked this one.
Comment from RebelRose
grandmothers doctor."...apostrophe needed here [grandmother's]
What a horrible world poor Alfina lived in; torture, suffering and pain. Now she is propelled into another world of total confusion and strangers. Great chapter. This story just gets better and better.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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grandmothers doctor."...apostrophe needed here [grandmother's]
What a horrible world poor Alfina lived in; torture, suffering and pain. Now she is propelled into another world of total confusion and strangers. Great chapter. This story just gets better and better.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am pleased you liked this one.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What a nightmare that poor
woman's life has been and
still she suffers.. what
kind of beast would treat
a person like that!!
your grandmother(')s doctor
He ask(ed) me to help him
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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What a nightmare that poor
woman's life has been and
still she suffers.. what
kind of beast would treat
a person like that!!
your grandmother(')s doctor
He ask(ed) me to help him
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Tanks for catching the spags. I am pleased you like this one.
