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Viewing comments for Chapter 69 "Cleaning Up"Shorter stories
16 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
What an effective line about the sad sunrise/brains
I had to use red, and it had - add comma
How horrible that a mother would take a teen to see and do such a thing
Love the ironic brain is terrible thing to waste statement
There were chips in the plaster, and -add comma
This mother is in one desperate situation and is quite cold in her approach to it - you convey that well
Oh, to have called the uncle a leech prior to his suicide and now to call her son one - she learns nothing, does she?
What an eerie feeling you convey as this young man buys the urns...
A power-packed ending to an excellent story. Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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What an effective line about the sad sunrise/brains
I had to use red, and it had - add comma
How horrible that a mother would take a teen to see and do such a thing
Love the ironic brain is terrible thing to waste statement
There were chips in the plaster, and -add comma
This mother is in one desperate situation and is quite cold in her approach to it - you convey that well
Oh, to have called the uncle a leech prior to his suicide and now to call her son one - she learns nothing, does she?
What an eerie feeling you convey as this young man buys the urns...
A power-packed ending to an excellent story. Brooke
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Thank you so very much for taking time to read my story. I'm pleased that you liked it. I applied those elusive commas as you suggested. Thank you again. Bill
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It was my first six rating of the week - I don't give them up easily :-)
Comment from keimosobie
Well that two for one thing worked out. Very well done. and nicely written. I was wondering why you bought an urn if the rent was passed do and you only had a little money. I forget these stories are fiction sometimes. Thanks. Good job and good luck.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Well that two for one thing worked out. Very well done. and nicely written. I was wondering why you bought an urn if the rent was passed do and you only had a little money. I forget these stories are fiction sometimes. Thanks. Good job and good luck.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thanks for your kind words and thoughtful review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is an excellent bit of writing! Good premise, followed by good plot and background, with natural dialog!
my uncle's brains on the wall. The red, blackening stain looked like a sad sunrise I had painted as a child in school. There hadn't been any orange watercolor so I had to use red and it had lumps in it. <<
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Those sayings seemed ironic at that point. <<
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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This is an excellent bit of writing! Good premise, followed by good plot and background, with natural dialog!
my uncle's brains on the wall. The red, blackening stain looked like a sad sunrise I had painted as a child in school. There hadn't been any orange watercolor so I had to use red and it had lumps in it. <<
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Those sayings seemed ironic at that point. <<
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thanks for your kind words and thoughtful review.
Comment from Carole Rosa
Wow! What a story! My uncle died in a bath tub and was not found for weeks. The water ran until someone noticed it seeping through the walls. My cousin had to also actually clean fragments of flesh off the tub or pay for the cleaning. What a terrible situation. Good luck in the contest. Carole
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Wow! What a story! My uncle died in a bath tub and was not found for weeks. The water ran until someone noticed it seeping through the walls. My cousin had to also actually clean fragments of flesh off the tub or pay for the cleaning. What a terrible situation. Good luck in the contest. Carole
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thanks Carole for your good wishes.
Comment from joann r romei
You nailed it i was engaged the entire time, it really gave a clear picture of what was happening in a show and dialogue way, bravo, hats off
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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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You nailed it i was engaged the entire time, it really gave a clear picture of what was happening in a show and dialogue way, bravo, hats off
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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I took your advice, sort of, and revisited the story's conclusion. I thought about wrapping it back around to the original room, but didn't like the changes I'd made. So- added another paragraph and a half and tried to reintroduce some imagery from earlier in the story. Thanks for your frank and welcome critique.
Comment from Spitfire
A well-told story. How ghastly that it was inspired by a true event. Couldn't help but see black humor in all of this. Uncle commits suicide and Mother only concerned about cleaning up the mess so the landlord won't make them pay for damages.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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A well-told story. How ghastly that it was inspired by a true event. Couldn't help but see black humor in all of this. Uncle commits suicide and Mother only concerned about cleaning up the mess so the landlord won't make them pay for damages.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Thank you for your kind words. Our counselors wanted the woman arrested. People make choices.
