The Quick Change
bar humor16 total reviews
Comment from Carrie Carson
Butterhead, the way we think of ways to be unkind to those less fortunate is an endless source of astonishment. Reading this I get empathy for butterhead and irritated with the guy with the phone number. Hasn't he ever heard of a "mercy fuck?" Really, how long would it have taken him, half an hour of his time?
Names would have been helpful, instead of so many pronouns.
Well written, especially within confines of the word count or I wouldn't be so irritated with the guys. :)
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2012
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Butterhead, the way we think of ways to be unkind to those less fortunate is an endless source of astonishment. Reading this I get empathy for butterhead and irritated with the guy with the phone number. Hasn't he ever heard of a "mercy fuck?" Really, how long would it have taken him, half an hour of his time?
Names would have been helpful, instead of so many pronouns.
Well written, especially within confines of the word count or I wouldn't be so irritated with the guys. :)
Comment Written 26-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2012
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Thank you for reading
Comment from olliebuster
This is really taking the Mick out of your friends. It looks though that the friends were surprised that the chick looked so good after the makeup was removed. What was her motive. He turned her down, so he was not so drunk. Good humor. Olliebuster.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2012
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This is really taking the Mick out of your friends. It looks though that the friends were surprised that the chick looked so good after the makeup was removed. What was her motive. He turned her down, so he was not so drunk. Good humor. Olliebuster.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2012
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Thank you for reading
Comment from WLHall
This is so funny. I mean, realy funny! I have others to read before making up my mind to vote, but yours is up there. Great twist of events!
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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This is so funny. I mean, realy funny! I have others to read before making up my mind to vote, but yours is up there. Great twist of events!
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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thank you for reading
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you're welcome!
Comment from Rama Rao
The lady changed in a flash into a beauty. Oh, what a story.
You have taken flash fiction to a higher plane and spun a good tale in 439 words. Bravo.
It made good reading too.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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The lady changed in a flash into a beauty. Oh, what a story.
You have taken flash fiction to a higher plane and spun a good tale in 439 words. Bravo.
It made good reading too.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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thank you for reading
Comment from Spitfire
What a hoot! I was all set to get angry at you for remarking on a woman's ugly looks. Then you redeemed yourself with his friend's remark about feelings. Still, the men were all cruel. I hope she put LSD in their drinks!
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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What a hoot! I was all set to get angry at you for remarking on a woman's ugly looks. Then you redeemed yourself with his friend's remark about feelings. Still, the men were all cruel. I hope she put LSD in their drinks!
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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thank you for reading
Comment from kenzi'spoems
this is hu-larious! serves the greedy bastard right! doesn't he know that love is never ugly. it's whats inside that counts. i wish this happened more often in real life so that the guys who are that shallow will get a bit of a slap in the face and realize that all girls have feelings and it's wrong to say anyone is ugly.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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this is hu-larious! serves the greedy bastard right! doesn't he know that love is never ugly. it's whats inside that counts. i wish this happened more often in real life so that the guys who are that shallow will get a bit of a slap in the face and realize that all girls have feelings and it's wrong to say anyone is ugly.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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thank you for reading
Comment from eberry4
Just my kind of story. Our initial reaction is to judge on beauty but we may not all be that beautiful ourselves. Look in the mirror and what do we see? probably someone alot like your character. Great Job.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Just my kind of story. Our initial reaction is to judge on beauty but we may not all be that beautiful ourselves. Look in the mirror and what do we see? probably someone alot like your character. Great Job.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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thank you for reading
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What aan unkind character he was...
and deserved to miss what might have
been a wonderful relationship.
Needs considerable tweaking, my friend...
Looking down in his hand, he read the small piece of paper with her number on it. - this line sounds awkward.. might you consider...
Looking down at the piece of paper in his hand, which she had given him, he read the number on it.
"but which angle do you lean in to kiss her [with], to keep from bumping into that nose?" - suggest you lose "with" - not really needed.
I had no idea[,](;) from the back she looked great - semi-colon
and the (paper with the) phone number(,) on the table
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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What aan unkind character he was...
and deserved to miss what might have
been a wonderful relationship.
Needs considerable tweaking, my friend...
Looking down in his hand, he read the small piece of paper with her number on it. - this line sounds awkward.. might you consider...
Looking down at the piece of paper in his hand, which she had given him, he read the number on it.
"but which angle do you lean in to kiss her [with], to keep from bumping into that nose?" - suggest you lose "with" - not really needed.
I had no idea[,](;) from the back she looked great - semi-colon
and the (paper with the) phone number(,) on the table
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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thank you for all the suggestions
Comment from forestport12
Well now, that was an interesting twist with lots of good dialogue. It kept me interested throughout. The twist on the end with her changing her face reminded me of the woman that is made to be fat and then is skinny. But you put a new and original feel on this one.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Well now, that was an interesting twist with lots of good dialogue. It kept me interested throughout. The twist on the end with her changing her face reminded me of the woman that is made to be fat and then is skinny. But you put a new and original feel on this one.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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thank you for reading
Comment from Val Crisson
Very clever use of this contest prompt. I have many a man who was as homely as sin, but expected his dates to be flawless. This one "turns the tables" on them.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Very clever use of this contest prompt. I have many a man who was as homely as sin, but expected his dates to be flawless. This one "turns the tables" on them.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Thank you for reading. It was a fun piece to write.
