Gone
Inside himself27 total reviews
Comment from Bellringer
Susan, a very gritty, believable and tragic tale with a clever touch of social criticism to make it current. Most folks, thankfully, work themselves through depression and hard times, others, like the character in your story, don't fare so well. Excellent write. Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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Susan, a very gritty, believable and tragic tale with a clever touch of social criticism to make it current. Most folks, thankfully, work themselves through depression and hard times, others, like the character in your story, don't fare so well. Excellent write. Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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HI Hector! Thank you...I know...and they say we aren't given more than we can handle, but at times, I wonder. We are all so different and handle things differently. If you can, read a review from missy98writer for my story Louise? She is a shining example of a brave soul who will not give up like I would. I go thru bouts of severe depression and having a place such as FS helps me survive, by allowing me to 'write away the sad' so to speak. Lots of people don't like to read depressing things. I guess they think it's contagious? I don't know. But, I appreciate that you have looked beyond and understood this. :) Thank you again my friend...Susan
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You're welcome, Susan. I read Missy's review (heartbreaking) and I also reviewed your wonderful story about Louise. I have also found emotional release on F/S and an outlet for creative energy. I find that as I age, depression becomes a constant challange. Staying busy and helping others helps. Blessings, Hector
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Hi again Hector. I try to keep busy. There are times I just have to let the work go...I missed two contests that I'd entered because I just didn't have the energy to finish the stories. Thank you again my friend. Susan
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello Susan
You rascal you. This a very creepy good as hell short story. i thought I had it figured out until the end and you smacked me. WTG
Bear
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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Hello Susan
You rascal you. This a very creepy good as hell short story. i thought I had it figured out until the end and you smacked me. WTG
Bear
Comment Written 06-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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Hi there! I do hope this note finds you happy and well. I'm forced to copy and paste to catch up but please know I have read and appreciate each of these reviews with all my heart. Thank you my friend!! :o) Susan
Comment from FlamingSpade
I hate when someone reaches out to grab at my past. Especially, one or three like this and most recently recovering from suicide attempt 12/10. Life ain't pretty. Life is hard. People can survive. People can find themselves and happiness...I did!!!! :) Ginger
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2012
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I hate when someone reaches out to grab at my past. Especially, one or three like this and most recently recovering from suicide attempt 12/10. Life ain't pretty. Life is hard. People can survive. People can find themselves and happiness...I did!!!! :) Ginger
Comment Written 06-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2012
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Dear GIRL! PM me sometime and we can 'talk'?? I see you were born just down from Laf in Indy! Bless your heart. You are to be a published writer even!! WHOOO HOOOOO! CONGRATULATIONS! I will try to buy your book too. Hugs!! Susan
Comment from forestport12
Another powerful story chuck full of symbolism. Using the colors like the white Bible made me think of it being virgin like and used or to clean for him to handle. So much thought went into this story you deserve to be ranked number one. You keep turning out powerful human interest stories of everyday people in a realism that connects. Stan
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2012
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Another powerful story chuck full of symbolism. Using the colors like the white Bible made me think of it being virgin like and used or to clean for him to handle. So much thought went into this story you deserve to be ranked number one. You keep turning out powerful human interest stories of everyday people in a realism that connects. Stan
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2012
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Hi Stan! What a thoughtful and encouraging review. I think your note has as much meaning as the story. I'm happy you connected the Bible too. It was the one real contrast to the whole scenario? Good for you to see that! Wow. Thank you again Stan. I really appreciate this....Susan
Comment from adewpearl
Great blend of setting detail and emotions in your opening
vivid, mood-creating detail
love the tan toad description of the phone
This is one emotionally-charged character study, my friend. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Great blend of setting detail and emotions in your opening
vivid, mood-creating detail
love the tan toad description of the phone
This is one emotionally-charged character study, my friend. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Hi Brooke! Thank you...the old phones do look like big frogs or toads? To me, anyway. I'm sort of odd but, they are funny looking compared to all the new styles!? AND I just washed my cell phone. I've used the blow dryer on it...sat it in the sun. But, I am going to have to just get another one....SO infuriating. Don't put yours in a housecoat pocket and then throw your housecoat in the washer!! LOL! I can't win!! :) Hug!! Susan
Comment from AlvinTEthington
What a sad poignant story. Brilliant writing. The suspense is extraordinary. (This does need a language warning.) You describe postmodern nihilism ever so well.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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What a sad poignant story. Brilliant writing. The suspense is extraordinary. (This does need a language warning.) You describe postmodern nihilism ever so well.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Hi Alvin! Thanks! I did add the language warning/3... I had a two, but it doesn't show anything I guess. I'm very honored to receive a six from you too! Wow! Very encouraging. We live in a time where many simply fall thru that 'safety net'. SO easily. Thank you again Alvin! It's always a pleasure to hear your thoughts...Susan
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Great. I owe my teaching career here to you, you know. I really enjoyed this.
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Bless you my friend. I wish I could take a class. I recently had major surgery and it hurts to sit here...but the urge to write is strong. It's not fair to all those who review for me as I'm just not able to keep up. I'm so happy you are doing well and maybe someday I can take a much needed Haiku class! I have not forgotten...hug! Susan
Comment from Dave M
Susan,
This is an excellent story about a man whose life has run down to nothing, just an old, sleazy motel. I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Susan,
This is an excellent story about a man whose life has run down to nothing, just an old, sleazy motel. I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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HI Dave! Thanks! You are a great fan...and each time you approve I am inflated with desire to keep trying. I really appreciate your time for me. :D Susan
Comment from Spitfire
What a depressing story! Great paragraph comparing the car to him: used up and left to rot. I'm reading between the lines that this is the end of the world as he knew it. Someone or something (probably the government) has taken his soul, his reason for living. Soon everything would be controlled, even the rain. How scary! How ironic that he looks at the Bible and decides it's time to go leaving a vacancy in Rose Haven. Caught the double use of "crack" of dawn. Is .98 a gun? Not really sure I got the ending. I take it he's dying (coughing up blood). So why the cheerful ending? Help. I need Cliff Notes!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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What a depressing story! Great paragraph comparing the car to him: used up and left to rot. I'm reading between the lines that this is the end of the world as he knew it. Someone or something (probably the government) has taken his soul, his reason for living. Soon everything would be controlled, even the rain. How scary! How ironic that he looks at the Bible and decides it's time to go leaving a vacancy in Rose Haven. Caught the double use of "crack" of dawn. Is .98 a gun? Not really sure I got the ending. I take it he's dying (coughing up blood). So why the cheerful ending? Help. I need Cliff Notes!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Hi Shari! No, the 98 is a model of Oldsmobile cars. Big old gas guzzlers! The . is used sometimes, and I tried to find out why but couldn't find details about the motor yet. I should add notes...but I tried to convey that he was a lifelong failure due to alcoholism and finally lost his job, hence the mean wife kicking him out.? They say you cough up blood if your liver is giving out? SO, I tried to leave it open ended too, so some could imagine him making it after all. I don't know. I saw neon sign in some movie for a cheap motel which inspired this. Odd. BUT fun. I love grabbing little ideas like that.?? Hope this helps...let me know. Thank you for a great review that is helpful! HUG! Susan
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I get that he's a total loser and I see now that he's blaming it on everything else. Don't know about the medical part. I now get the open-ended ending. Not too likely he'll change. Inspiration comes from many sources, for sure. Did you see I'm up to 16 in short works! I want to be in that top ten along with you, my friend.
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Won't be long Shari! I don't deserve the top spot anyway... :)) But still nice. Keep at it! love, Suse
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You do deserve the top spot. I don't want that. Too much pressure! I'll settle for 8 0r 9. The key to my success is the writing tip series!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Susan. This is a very
"He pulled up to the motel and the drizzle zig-zagged down his windshield" In order to have a better sound and eliminate the use of "and" make this He pulled up to the motel, the drizzle zigzagging down the windshield."
See how much better the next sentence sounds and makes sense if you use the word "But" instead of "and" to start off
"And he sat listening to the spring rain hitting the roof of his Olds, wishing he'd never been born."
"wiping it out like an eraser clearing a blackboard in a grade school classroom." Great similie, Suz. Good job oversll...Bob
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Hi, Susan. This is a very
"He pulled up to the motel and the drizzle zig-zagged down his windshield" In order to have a better sound and eliminate the use of "and" make this He pulled up to the motel, the drizzle zigzagging down the windshield."
See how much better the next sentence sounds and makes sense if you use the word "But" instead of "and" to start off
"And he sat listening to the spring rain hitting the roof of his Olds, wishing he'd never been born."
"wiping it out like an eraser clearing a blackboard in a grade school classroom." Great similie, Suz. Good job oversll...Bob
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Hi Bob! How are you? Thank you for stopping by, and yes! I have used your great suggesions too! Good help! It does read better! I have stayed at motels like this between houses and it's horribly depressing. The people at these have just either made bad choices or have had horrible things happen to them. It is heart wrenching. The last place was a Knights Inn and there was some gunfire or a meth lab blowing up right next door the first night there. JUST terrible. Anyway...thank you again Bob! I love hearing from you. Hope you are happy and well! Susan
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Did you happen to see, I have a new chapter up..called "The Wreckage" wink...Bob
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No! I will go see Bob! I am over 130 notifications behind, SO sorry! :) Suse
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No big deal...I just know you were following the book...:) Bob
Comment from wordsfromsue
This was so sad and forlorn. Why did his wife toss him out like a ragdoll? The man is coughing blood, how could she be so heartless?
Now I'm mad at that hussy for being so cold.
Look what your writing has done to me Susan!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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This was so sad and forlorn. Why did his wife toss him out like a ragdoll? The man is coughing blood, how could she be so heartless?
Now I'm mad at that hussy for being so cold.
Look what your writing has done to me Susan!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Hi Sue! LOL! I love this review! She is mean. He's lost his job, probably again and again...because of alcohol...and she is done. I tried to leave it so he MAY survive. Many tell me they don't like that I'm negative...but life is a lot. Hugs for an enthusiastic and fun review.... :D Susan
