Senryu Provocations
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "fast wheels and cell phone"Reflection on human behavior
17 total reviews
Comment from krazykats2011
PERFECT!! I don't even want to get myself started on this one. You have definitely struck a cord with me; however, and for that I say Bravo! Thanks for sharing this senryu with the rest of us.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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PERFECT!! I don't even want to get myself started on this one. You have definitely struck a cord with me; however, and for that I say Bravo! Thanks for sharing this senryu with the rest of us.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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I wonder how many readers are guilty of this! Bet they didn't read or rate it. Thanks for your feedback.
Comment from Eleanor Buron
Powerful poem! True. True. True. I've had a couple of close calls and clearly the person in the other car was head down texting - I could see as we swerved. I like the alliteration which is always nice in a brief poem. Adds a bit of music, no matter how dire the message.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Powerful poem! True. True. True. I've had a couple of close calls and clearly the person in the other car was head down texting - I could see as we swerved. I like the alliteration which is always nice in a brief poem. Adds a bit of music, no matter how dire the message.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Thanks, Elly. So challenging to write these shorties.
Comment from wordsfromsue
I like this very much. Powerful message and good picture choice. I keep pondering the last line as 'legal but lethal' instead. It's like lethal last would put a heaviness in the air. I'm sorry, I don't know the correct writing terms. This is good and would make a good public announcement poster at motor vehicle bureaus - something to pknder while one's in line.
*****
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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I like this very much. Powerful message and good picture choice. I keep pondering the last line as 'legal but lethal' instead. It's like lethal last would put a heaviness in the air. I'm sorry, I don't know the correct writing terms. This is good and would make a good public announcement poster at motor vehicle bureaus - something to pknder while one's in line.
*****
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Sue,
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Yes?
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Sorry, I didn't finish. You are spot on about the last line, and I changed it. Thanks so much my friend. Wish I have a vote left for reviewers.
Comment from Louise Michelle
Another problem all of us are just starting to come to terms with. Oprah Winfry (spelling?) had started a campaign to abolish cell phone usage while behind the wheel.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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Another problem all of us are just starting to come to terms with. Oprah Winfry (spelling?) had started a campaign to abolish cell phone usage while behind the wheel.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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If anyone can do it, she's the gal.
Comment from adewpearl
Your poem is in good 5/7/5 form if one says ti ers in two syllables
good alliteration in ruthless road and lethal but legal
your commentary is so important - drivers distracted by this truly are lethal, and the worst is texting where they're not only talking but reading and typing. Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Your poem is in good 5/7/5 form if one says ti ers in two syllables
good alliteration in ruthless road and lethal but legal
your commentary is so important - drivers distracted by this truly are lethal, and the worst is texting where they're not only talking but reading and typing. Brooke
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Okay, you're the second to mentions tires is only one syllable. And the dictionary agrees. I pronounce as two. So I'll change. Thanks for noting this and my alliteration.
Comment from the blue pixel
It's not legal here sf and I can't believe it hasn't been allowed in the U.S. There is a veyr hefty fine for talking on mobile phones whilst driving (and while I'm at at, it's also against the law to smoke in a car with children under 16 years of age) but I still see so many people doing it. Not only drivers but idiot pedestrians who just appear before you on the road and cross whilst having a chat. Your poem was about one of my pet hates. Well done. sf. xx Pix
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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It's not legal here sf and I can't believe it hasn't been allowed in the U.S. There is a veyr hefty fine for talking on mobile phones whilst driving (and while I'm at at, it's also against the law to smoke in a car with children under 16 years of age) but I still see so many people doing it. Not only drivers but idiot pedestrians who just appear before you on the road and cross whilst having a chat. Your poem was about one of my pet hates. Well done. sf. xx Pix
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Interesting info. Australia has it right. Only seven states have made it illegal. I like the law about smoking -- a lot!
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All of Australia has both laws sf. The smoking one is excellent. Life is made very difficult for smokers in Australia. xx
Comment from FlamingSpade
We need a hands free law passed and texting/phone accidents must be on the rise to soon car insurance companies won't insure accidents caused by cell. Great poem by the way!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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We need a hands free law passed and texting/phone accidents must be on the rise to soon car insurance companies won't insure accidents caused by cell. Great poem by the way!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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I didn't know that. Interesting.
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I made that up...I said to soon car insurance companies won't...
Comment from God's Writer
The way you are making this sound is that the cell phones and the tires are sharing the road and the drivers. Especially the drivers. It would be true this way also. Thy do take the driver. Why don't you try "shared by drivers on deaths road." That keeps our syllable count and makes it more understandable. Great images in there and wonderfully written.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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The way you are making this sound is that the cell phones and the tires are sharing the road and the drivers. Especially the drivers. It would be true this way also. Thy do take the driver. Why don't you try "shared by drivers on deaths road." That keeps our syllable count and makes it more understandable. Great images in there and wonderfully written.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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I see your point, but no one else had a problem. However, I did make some changes. Two reviews pointed out that tires is only one syllable! Sounds weird to me. Anyway,I changed the title and first line, made driver singular. Maybe that will help. Always glad to get your input. Proves you're reading.LOL
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I do read everything you write my dearest one.
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True but I only have two!!!!! Also it doesn't work for me to keep my legs shut. It sticks out the front. Quite a ways my dear. Plenty to get hooked on.
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Drivers share on ruthless roads makes more sense than the way you have it written.
Comment from robyn corum
My state doen't prohibit this and its a dangerous hobby. The kids are especially bad with this and with texting. I liked this poem. Good point
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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My state doen't prohibit this and its a dangerous hobby. The kids are especially bad with this and with texting. I liked this poem. Good point
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thanks Robyn. Wonder if any one of our writers is guilty of this!
Comment from Writingfundimension
Great use of the senryu for your social commentary, Spitfire. I lik how you've conveyed the stupidity and danger to life and limb with your satori! Excellent, in my opinion. Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Great use of the senryu for your social commentary, Spitfire. I lik how you've conveyed the stupidity and danger to life and limb with your satori! Excellent, in my opinion. Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thanks Bev.Glad you saw the message.
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You're welcome.
