A Soldier of Christ
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Devil`s Question"Metre ... Mixed
14 total reviews
Comment from catch22
Hi Bicpen,
This is an intense free topic for a free verse poem. I liked the dramatic language you used throughout, but felt the syntax was a little bit awkward in some places. For instance:
Flames curtail the challenge strong (strong challenge?)
--some poets claim poetic license for inverted syntax, but I think that's a weak justification in free verse where you don't have constraints on meter or rhyme
My general feeling on this poem is also that the elevated language and drama would be better served in sonnet form--also, you're trying to make a serious case for the purity of the soul. This level of philosophical discourse works really well in sonnet form.
Just some thoughts for you to digest. Take care!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
  |
Hi Bicpen,
This is an intense free topic for a free verse poem. I liked the dramatic language you used throughout, but felt the syntax was a little bit awkward in some places. For instance:
Flames curtail the challenge strong (strong challenge?)
--some poets claim poetic license for inverted syntax, but I think that's a weak justification in free verse where you don't have constraints on meter or rhyme
My general feeling on this poem is also that the elevated language and drama would be better served in sonnet form--also, you're trying to make a serious case for the purity of the soul. This level of philosophical discourse works really well in sonnet form.
Just some thoughts for you to digest. Take care!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
-
Thanks gail ... I will take a look at the syntax problem as you know it is a weakness of mine ... as for a sonnet I'm not so sure ... I like the liberty of this piece and feel the restraint and constraint of the ssonnet format might take away from my meaning and force of the Devil's Question.
Comment from Sueellen11
My friend, excellent write, though many will not see, for many are blinded to the truth, my friend, the soul beginnings are pure gold, but our DNA is corrupted through our fleshly desires, needs and emotions, and a heart of stone, but through the grace of GOD, and HIS great agape love, we have eyes that see, ears that hear, we only dwell here upon this fallen place, until our Lords return, for GOD is not the ruler of this fallen world, we that stay the race. We will have eternity in HIS Holy Place, great write, blessings, Sueellen
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2013
|
My friend, excellent write, though many will not see, for many are blinded to the truth, my friend, the soul beginnings are pure gold, but our DNA is corrupted through our fleshly desires, needs and emotions, and a heart of stone, but through the grace of GOD, and HIS great agape love, we have eyes that see, ears that hear, we only dwell here upon this fallen place, until our Lords return, for GOD is not the ruler of this fallen world, we that stay the race. We will have eternity in HIS Holy Place, great write, blessings, Sueellen
Comment Written 06-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2013
-
much appreciated ... thank you !
Comment from 9999pool
For all have sinned and temptations are all we have to overcome.
The evil and devil in us are capable of destruction not only to ourselves but that of others.
Let us not forget the fine line between heaven and earth.
Do not trampled into the danger zone and lose our souls forever burning in hell.
Just as we are capable of evil, the good in us is there to be developed and polished up.
To be good takes effort. To be bad takes only a weak heart of temptations and sins.
Great write and well penned. Bravo!!
Cheerio, Ritchie. :)).
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2013
|
For all have sinned and temptations are all we have to overcome.
The evil and devil in us are capable of destruction not only to ourselves but that of others.
Let us not forget the fine line between heaven and earth.
Do not trampled into the danger zone and lose our souls forever burning in hell.
Just as we are capable of evil, the good in us is there to be developed and polished up.
To be good takes effort. To be bad takes only a weak heart of temptations and sins.
Great write and well penned. Bravo!!
Cheerio, Ritchie. :)).
Comment Written 05-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2013
-
Luther once said:
"... a good man does good deeds, but good deeds does not make a good man"
-
So true.
Only a good heart with kindness for the good of humanity and mankind can make the difference.
Charity without a meaning in our hearts and minds in not enough.
Being able to feel and love our fellow man will get us what we want.
Forgiveness is the highest order especially given to those who sinned against us.
Cheerio, smiles, Ritchie. :))
-
Anytime ... !
-
Sure thing, smiles.
A sincere caring heart is all it takes to climb every mountain of goodnesss, LOL.
Cheerio, best, Ritchie. :))
-
... well as a matter of fact I believe that goodness is only a gift to the soul imputed by the common operation of God's Holy Spirit.
I believe the soul is full of depravity outwith this outer influence giving an inward perception that we are all goodie two shoes and all so sweet and innocent.
The quote I gave was to show the difference between what it really is to be classed as good other than basically trying to EARN your way into Heaven on a false presumption and faulty basis ...
... goodness cannot be obtained by the soul outside of God's grace and the salvific work makes sure that the goodness is not only imputed for real but also for ever, hence, the difference between special and common operations of the Holy Spirit ...
... make any sense now !
-
Fully in agreement with what you have said in your replies, smiles.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
Have a wonderful evening and this comes form my heart too.
Comment from bhogg
Hi Bic - loved your post. Loved your start and end with basically a question to Satan. Well balanced read with use of provacative art-work. Well done. Bill
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2013
|
Hi Bic - loved your post. Loved your start and end with basically a question to Satan. Well balanced read with use of provacative art-work. Well done. Bill
Comment Written 05-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2013
-
Well I am glad you like the question and I intended it to be from Satan rather than to Satan ... glad you could enjoy.
-
to, from, what the heck. When it comes to poetry, I'm a peasant! I did in fact know it was from Satan. LOL Bill
-
... no worries, mystery cleared up and repremand avoided ... good show !
-
I certainly want to be on the right side of someone who so clearly writes about the devil!
-
... no worries my friend I'm all out of Satanic curses ... left that behind years ago ... now the wrath of God thats something else !
-
But She likes me :)
-
:)
Comment from Treischel
A well composed poem, as it is balanced by starting and ending with the devils question. Your spiritual message is perfectly contained within the verse. The poetic technique is flawless. You start and close with aabb rhymed sextets using an 8/6 tempo. In-between two quatrains with abcb rhymed stanzas in long/ short tempo. The striking picture draws you in, and holds it together, as it presents evil/innocence.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
|
A well composed poem, as it is balanced by starting and ending with the devils question. Your spiritual message is perfectly contained within the verse. The poetic technique is flawless. You start and close with aabb rhymed sextets using an 8/6 tempo. In-between two quatrains with abcb rhymed stanzas in long/ short tempo. The striking picture draws you in, and holds it together, as it presents evil/innocence.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
-
I am glad you like and it was a freeverse without any set pattern or format but I respect the information because it could well have been what you say it is ... much appreciate the time and review and most of all I am glad that you can read and enjoy my work !
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Bicpen,
I don't know how in he world you found that picture but it is chilling, to say the least. You have penned a thought provoking poem and I confess it did make stop and think. You have a lyrical rhyme and your word choices are superb. This is a profound poem and one that needs to be pondered. Well done, chey
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
|
Hi Bicpen,
I don't know how in he world you found that picture but it is chilling, to say the least. You have penned a thought provoking poem and I confess it did make stop and think. You have a lyrical rhyme and your word choices are superb. This is a profound poem and one that needs to be pondered. Well done, chey
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
-
Thanks Chey...
Comment from Mks220
I love free verse poems, and I think you did a really good job. You could really feel the emotion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
 |
I love free verse poems, and I think you did a really good job. You could really feel the emotion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
-
Excellent Glad you enjoyed...
Just wondered how I could squeeze a five out of you, no worries about the stars just wondering what would improve it in your mind. Please let me know as I consider all advice...many thanks, Bic.
Comment from appuhere
outstanding piece of work..... its composed with great quality and the thought behind the poem is vividly visible..... its bears an essence which makes my mind muse at every pause..... but i think you can get a much more soothing picture for this magnificent piece of work...
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
|
outstanding piece of work..... its composed with great quality and the thought behind the poem is vividly visible..... its bears an essence which makes my mind muse at every pause..... but i think you can get a much more soothing picture for this magnificent piece of work...
Comment Written 24-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
-
Did try to get a corresponding pic...but for me this one was a winner.
Comment from Chris Tee
This is an absolutely marvelous poem filled with faith and food for thought that you have composed here for us old sport.
Well done indeed with this work
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
|
This is an absolutely marvelous poem filled with faith and food for thought that you have composed here for us old sport.
Well done indeed with this work
Comment Written 24-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
-
Glad you like Chris.
Comment from laren
A good poem that conveys a profound reflection on human nature, is flesh who dominates us? or we look higher up.
Excellent!
Laren
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
|
A good poem that conveys a profound reflection on human nature, is flesh who dominates us? or we look higher up.
Excellent!
Laren
Comment Written 24-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
-
For most men it is sin that rules the flesh which is another way of saying that sin governs the body. Flesh in a biblical sense is carnality or sin as opposed to the rule of the spirit, that being the Holy Spirit which governs by its pure divine order.
-
Thank you Bicpen, for the poem and for the feedback,
Laren
-
Anytime...
-
Thank you Bicpen
Laren
