Whispers in the Wind
Viewing comments for Prologue "Dog Sledding Story for Kids 10 & up"Brook's best lead dog is struck deaf
34 total reviews
Comment from Penny 4 your thought
Very well done. This is a well written story suitably for young readers. A collection of these would sell well on Amazon. Great job a solid five
Penny 4 your thought
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2012
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Very well done. This is a well written story suitably for young readers. A collection of these would sell well on Amazon. Great job a solid five
Penny 4 your thought
Comment Written 19-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2012
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You comments are encouraging, Penny. Thanks for the time you gave this piece. Marie
Comment from Sheik S. Peer
ENJOYABLE READ IN THE PRESENT TENSE. NOT SPELLING OR PUNCTUATION ERRORS NOTED. GOOD CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND DIALOGUE
ON SUGGESTION...
His hug calms me some and slows my tears.
He calms me with his hug and my tears slow. or tears dwindle. a more active voice. Totally subjective of course I enjoyed the chapter full of authentic details like the dinner menu!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2012
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ENJOYABLE READ IN THE PRESENT TENSE. NOT SPELLING OR PUNCTUATION ERRORS NOTED. GOOD CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND DIALOGUE
ON SUGGESTION...
His hug calms me some and slows my tears.
He calms me with his hug and my tears slow. or tears dwindle. a more active voice. Totally subjective of course I enjoyed the chapter full of authentic details like the dinner menu!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much for pointing to a possible improvement. I appreciaste your comments and fine review.
Comment from Dingus-Maghee
GREAT WRITING! A wonderful piece. The love you have for the outdoors comes to life through your words. I see the scenery and even feel the cold. :)
You have brought the reader into the story with a natural, easy flow.
The hook caught my upper lip and I enjoyed getting pulled into the story. I feel the respect you have for nature and her majestic creatures. Will be watching for more of your story. Thank you.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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GREAT WRITING! A wonderful piece. The love you have for the outdoors comes to life through your words. I see the scenery and even feel the cold. :)
You have brought the reader into the story with a natural, easy flow.
The hook caught my upper lip and I enjoyed getting pulled into the story. I feel the respect you have for nature and her majestic creatures. Will be watching for more of your story. Thank you.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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I appreciate you review and praise. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this chapter. Marie
Comment from Fluffyhead
This is pretty good . Haven't heard a lot of stories about this sort of thing. I would change stoke to stroke. But that is about it.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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This is pretty good . Haven't heard a lot of stories about this sort of thing. I would change stoke to stroke. But that is about it.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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You are a great help with catching that typo. Others have not mentioned it and I sure did not see it. THANKS A MILLION. Marie
Comment from Tonulak
I've been to Alaska in the spring and it fascinated me. the section I read here was well written with good detail of everyday life that gave lots of color to the story. one note of caution; sometimes your dialog you are writing for "the page" not the voice. one example is when the girl comes home, she tells her Dad right out, "I have a lot to tell you". it sounds artificial. It should be natural and dialogical.
Dad: What hapened, Sweetie? Why's Shemya in the sled?"
Girl: "oh, Dad it was terrible!"
Dad: "Are you alright?"
Girl: "Yes, but I'm still shaking"
Dad" Get inside and warm up, i want to hear all about it"
This is no masterpiece of dialog here, but I'm trying for a natural conversational flow avoiding telegraphing future actions. Otherwise very nicely done--Ted
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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I've been to Alaska in the spring and it fascinated me. the section I read here was well written with good detail of everyday life that gave lots of color to the story. one note of caution; sometimes your dialog you are writing for "the page" not the voice. one example is when the girl comes home, she tells her Dad right out, "I have a lot to tell you". it sounds artificial. It should be natural and dialogical.
Dad: What hapened, Sweetie? Why's Shemya in the sled?"
Girl: "oh, Dad it was terrible!"
Dad: "Are you alright?"
Girl: "Yes, but I'm still shaking"
Dad" Get inside and warm up, i want to hear all about it"
This is no masterpiece of dialog here, but I'm trying for a natural conversational flow avoiding telegraphing future actions. Otherwise very nicely done--Ted
Comment Written 18-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Ted, I thoroughly agree that the dialog needs work. Thanks a million for pointing this out. I appreciate your comments so much. Marie
Comment from Piggies Grandma
I enjoyed reading this chapter of your story very much Alaskastory. It is cleverly written and very well thought out. They are lovely dogs.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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I enjoyed reading this chapter of your story very much Alaskastory. It is cleverly written and very well thought out. They are lovely dogs.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Thanks for taking the time to read this chapter and for your very nice comments. Marie
Comment from poetbear
Loved the photo.
Story was interesting and kept my interest.
Great literary composition with super writing.
Lpve to know mpre about the characters and the topic.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Loved the photo.
Story was interesting and kept my interest.
Great literary composition with super writing.
Lpve to know mpre about the characters and the topic.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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I appreciate your time to read and review this chapter. It encourages me to tackle more. Thanks. Marie
Comment from Allison78
Having not read the previous chapters I really enjoyed reading this one. I love how you write about the dog, I feel like I feel it's fur! I can't really think of anything to improve upon. Great job!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Having not read the previous chapters I really enjoyed reading this one. I love how you write about the dog, I feel like I feel it's fur! I can't really think of anything to improve upon. Great job!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Your comments are so encouraging. Thanks for taking time to review this chapter. Marie
Comment from c_lucas
This is the first post I have read of this story line. It is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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This is the first post I have read of this story line. It is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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I've read several fine posts by you and that makes your comments worthy of so much encouragement. Thanks so much. Marie
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You're welcome, Marie. Charlie
Comment from Paradox Tremors
I enjoy the chapter but wondering if this is the 3rd chapter--the first two chapters are not connected to it. Anyway, I'm glad she's safe from the bear as well as Shemya. And it will be an interesting tale to tell at school. Well done my friend, well done.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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I enjoy the chapter but wondering if this is the 3rd chapter--the first two chapters are not connected to it. Anyway, I'm glad she's safe from the bear as well as Shemya. And it will be an interesting tale to tell at school. Well done my friend, well done.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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I am a bit sorry to insert a mid chapter like this. It's been about a year since all those other chapters were on FS. Thanks so much for taking time to review this one. Marie
