Passin' Through Purgatory
The specter of hate (Please read notes)31 total reviews
Comment from robina1978
Loved the way you wrote it in dialect. And an interesting story and mostly Flash. I would suggest you check it over as I thought there were just a couple of words you could drop.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Loved the way you wrote it in dialect. And an interesting story and mostly Flash. I would suggest you check it over as I thought there were just a couple of words you could drop.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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HI Ine! Okay, but will have to wait I think until the contest is over? I'm not sure how that works...I really tried and it's hard with a minimum of 500! ")) Hugs for taking time to read this...Susan
Comment from forestport12
What a powerful story. The dialogue was chilling and so believable. Again your use of senses and your setting put me into the story and I couldn't forget it. Stan
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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What a powerful story. The dialogue was chilling and so believable. Again your use of senses and your setting put me into the story and I couldn't forget it. Stan
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Hi Stan. Thank you again...I have seen some people on the t.v. who appear to STILL be racist, so I wrote this...just thinking of how it may have been? And to try dialect and dialogue...my two nemesis? I'm grateful for your kind note and I hope you and your family are keeping warm!! Susan
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Susan,
I read this story with great interest. When I got married my husband was stationed at Ft Campbell, Ky. I was horrified and dumbfounded when I saw how the the black people were treated. We only had one black family where I grew up and we treated them there same as the rest of us. Hopefully we aren't as bad as were then. This is a great story and one I enjoyed reading....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Hi Susan,
I read this story with great interest. When I got married my husband was stationed at Ft Campbell, Ky. I was horrified and dumbfounded when I saw how the the black people were treated. We only had one black family where I grew up and we treated them there same as the rest of us. Hopefully we aren't as bad as were then. This is a great story and one I enjoyed reading....blessings, chey
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Hi Chey! Thank you! So, you have seen this part of the country then! And there is a certain kind of person who will use the same tactics on anyone 'they' don't like too. Color aside...I don't know if it's just this area or what, but it's very frightening. Thank you for taking time to read this...it's a hard one! hugs, Susan
Comment from Spitfire
Kudos for your attempt to write in Negro dialect. Think you miss the mark in places though. If I had a copy of Huck Finn I could probably tell you where. The story line is excellent with the children portrayed as cold and without "soul". The apple works as a symbol. Love the hero's thoughts coming through as he realizes he's getting in too deep and needs to move on. From the ending I surmise he's a runaway slave. A nice piece kudos also for getting out of your comfort zone. This alone is worth a sixer!
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Kudos for your attempt to write in Negro dialect. Think you miss the mark in places though. If I had a copy of Huck Finn I could probably tell you where. The story line is excellent with the children portrayed as cold and without "soul". The apple works as a symbol. Love the hero's thoughts coming through as he realizes he's getting in too deep and needs to move on. From the ending I surmise he's a runaway slave. A nice piece kudos also for getting out of your comfort zone. This alone is worth a sixer!
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Hi Shari! Thank you...I'll go thru it and see what you might mean? I tried to be consistant with the slang? The theme is missing, I'm glad you see what is missing in this. I really appreciate your confidence too. I almost didn't post. I just have little confidence most of the time. I thank you for helping me keep trying Shari. xx. Susan
Comment from JMonroe
I liked this story a lot--even though I wanted to slap the spit out of those kids! Great use of language. you created perfect imagery for this simply by distinguishing their voices.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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I liked this story a lot--even though I wanted to slap the spit out of those kids! Great use of language. you created perfect imagery for this simply by distinguishing their voices.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Hi there! Thank you, and I hate my own characters too/the kids/ AND the racist parents...hate is taught...! Thank you for reading this. It's not easy either with dialect like that. Hug, Susan
Comment from rusla
Scintillating, realistic, captivating, smooth story it flowed ad held my attention totally. It actually reminded me of John Steinbeck, extremely well done.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Scintillating, realistic, captivating, smooth story it flowed ad held my attention totally. It actually reminded me of John Steinbeck, extremely well done.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Hi Rusla...wow! John Steinbeck! What a nice compliment. I'll have to go back and read some of his work again. I was a child/well, a young teen when I tried to read The Grapes Of Wrath, for a report in school. I got almost three fourths of the way thru it. I thank you very much for this great review. Glad you enjoyed more!! Susan
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I loved John Steinbeck because of his realism. I just never liked animals dying in some of his stories. That story has wonderful realism in it and I believe when I write that realism in fiction is important. Just like research is paramout of importance.
Randi-Lee
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Hi Rusla...thank you again...I have written lots of death scenes. I guess I should read more of Steinbeck. I just get too tired and go to sleep unless I'm typing. I also do need to do more research with things! I went to review for you, but see you haven't posted yet. I will try to read if you do!! Thank you again!! Susan
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I am not a complete member until the end of the month. I understad the death scenes because I do many of them. Even a story that was published last year had a death scene in it, actually two. I am working on some stories for publication and a script all have to be done before the end of March...lol Plus I may work on some for here.
Randi-Lee
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Oh, good! Look forward to having you here then!! :)) S.
Comment from Dr. Marsh
Very well painted vignette. Authentic in both dialogue and characterization. I'd love to see more of your character; he's well-drawn and believable. I like the way you showed his range of feelings in reaction to the two kids. Excellent piece.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Very well painted vignette. Authentic in both dialogue and characterization. I'd love to see more of your character; he's well-drawn and believable. I like the way you showed his range of feelings in reaction to the two kids. Excellent piece.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Hi Dr. Marsh. I thank you very much. I could try to continue the mans journey. It would be a great challenge. I'll see how it does? I really appreciate your time for this! :) Susan
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You're welcome.
Comment from Glasstruth
The story is definitely filled with the flavor of the era. The language made it more realistic. The dialogue was quite believable, was curious if his lies would work. Good luck with the contest! Les
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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The story is definitely filled with the flavor of the era. The language made it more realistic. The dialogue was quite believable, was curious if his lies would work. Good luck with the contest! Les
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Hi there! Thank you very much! I enjoyed trying this...and I do appreciate your time to read this difficult story. Thank you again Les!! Susan
Comment from Trybuck
The slave days were tough from what I can understand. I'm thankful slavery was abolished in this country. Very well done, Buck
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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The slave days were tough from what I can understand. I'm thankful slavery was abolished in this country. Very well done, Buck
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Hi there!! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this one! I hope you are staying safe and warm!! hugs, Susan
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, susan, you did a great job writing this story about the slave you was hungry for apples, i enjoyed reading it and wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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this is very well written, susan, you did a great job writing this story about the slave you was hungry for apples, i enjoyed reading it and wish you the best of luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Hi there!! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this one! I hope you are staying safe and warm!! hugs, Susan
