Passin' Through Purgatory
The specter of hate (Please read notes)31 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Susan, this is great. You have done so well with the dialect. That is something I haven't tried yet. I am starting to catch on to just plain dialogue I think. Great writing here. Take care,love you!!!Debbie
Oh, i think I told you about my syomach problems. I am going to have to have surgery in the next coulpe of weeks. No date yet. I will let you know~DEJ
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Susan, this is great. You have done so well with the dialect. That is something I haven't tried yet. I am starting to catch on to just plain dialogue I think. Great writing here. Take care,love you!!!Debbie
Oh, i think I told you about my syomach problems. I am going to have to have surgery in the next coulpe of weeks. No date yet. I will let you know~DEJ
Comment Written 14-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Hi Debbie! YOU too?? I don't remember your needing surgery too???? HOW awful. PM with details if you want. I hate to hear this. So, but thank you for this wonderful review. I am always so happy when you like these stories! Love you too, and please take care!? :)) Susan
Comment from Lise Deangelo
Hi Susan, how are things? I enjoyed reading this one very much. The use of dialect draws the reader into the story. There is much suspense and I found this whole write rivetting. I like where he throws the peach away; the way you write it. Thanks for sharing and best wishes for the contest :) Lise
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Hi Susan, how are things? I enjoyed reading this one very much. The use of dialect draws the reader into the story. There is much suspense and I found this whole write rivetting. I like where he throws the peach away; the way you write it. Thanks for sharing and best wishes for the contest :) Lise
Comment Written 14-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Hey Lise! Wow!! Thank you for this great review. And for reading this...it's hard to do with the dialect. I just hope it qualifies as flash. I never know. Thank you again...it's always so good to hear from you. xoxo, Suse
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent use of dialect
You set the stage well without coming right out and saying this is a runaway slave looking for a stop on the underground railroad
from the delegates' office - add apostrophe for plural possessive
How come you're way out here? - add question mark
excellent dialogue that shows the children's suspicion and the runaway's resourcefulness
You convey well the sad way the children have already been indoctrinated into their community's racism
A realistic and poignant conclusion. Brooke
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Excellent use of dialect
You set the stage well without coming right out and saying this is a runaway slave looking for a stop on the underground railroad
from the delegates' office - add apostrophe for plural possessive
How come you're way out here? - add question mark
excellent dialogue that shows the children's suspicion and the runaway's resourcefulness
You convey well the sad way the children have already been indoctrinated into their community's racism
A realistic and poignant conclusion. Brooke
Comment Written 14-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Hi Brooke! Thank you! I will add that question mark too. AND the apostrophe. I thought I had it right this time? LOL! I'm very proud that you approved of this my friend! Susan
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I wish I had a sixer for this one. You did yourself proud again. You accurately portrayed problems the south had with justice many years ago, or in some areas today. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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I wish I had a sixer for this one. You did yourself proud again. You accurately portrayed problems the south had with justice many years ago, or in some areas today. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Hello Barbara! Thanks! I have seen certain public figures in the news that were talking like idiots and so, I thought, here we go. It will just never end. Unreal. I am very grateful for your time to muddle thru that dialect. I am glad too, you think it worked. Many many hugs!! Susan
Comment from BethShelby
This is a story which I think is pretty accurate in describing what the South was like during the days of slavery. The Southern whites feared any black person they didn't know and would have assumed the man was a run-away slave. The dialogue sound authentic. The children for many generations were taught to regard blacks they didn't know with suspicion. Very few Southern families would abetted a runaway slave. It is very good story.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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This is a story which I think is pretty accurate in describing what the South was like during the days of slavery. The Southern whites feared any black person they didn't know and would have assumed the man was a run-away slave. The dialogue sound authentic. The children for many generations were taught to regard blacks they didn't know with suspicion. Very few Southern families would abetted a runaway slave. It is very good story.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Hi Beth! Thank you so much. I appreciate hearing that this was somewhat accurate. I had apples in this at first, not knowing Georgia raises VERY few of them!! lol! Thanks again Beth. Hug, Suse
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I don't about during Civil War days but I get my apples from Georgia now. I thought they were raised all across the South. Of course, Georgia is better known for peaches.
Comment from Bellringer
Susan, Exceptional flash fiction here. Fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time. You managed to keep your lead character's language consistent except for the opening sentence: The smell of cornbread surrounded the house and I almost knocked on the door. It could read: The smell of cornbread went round the house and I 'most knocked on the door. Very believable and authentic story. Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Susan, Exceptional flash fiction here. Fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time. You managed to keep your lead character's language consistent except for the opening sentence: The smell of cornbread surrounded the house and I almost knocked on the door. It could read: The smell of cornbread went round the house and I 'most knocked on the door. Very believable and authentic story. Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Hi there! I will change it Hector. Thank you! Grand help. I'm so grateful...hug, Suse
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You're welcome, Susan. Great write and just in time for Martin Luther King Day. Blessings, Hector
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I did rewrite that first sentence too Hector! Very good help! :) Suse
Comment from Paradox Tremors
What a write my friend. You should win the contest hands down in my opinion. Still one of the best writers on this site--I'm a fear'ng 'em youngin's went and told on our friend. Love it! Best of luck my friend.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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What a write my friend. You should win the contest hands down in my opinion. Still one of the best writers on this site--I'm a fear'ng 'em youngin's went and told on our friend. Love it! Best of luck my friend.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Hi there! Yes, they did...Did you see my glaring error??? I did not realize that there were very few apples grown in Georgia...so had to change the title, and apples to peaches in the story! I'm awful...but your great review is good enough for me! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this. Wow! Susan
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Love your write!
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
I really like the theme of this story. It encompasses a generation of people with lesser book learning'. The dialogue between the old black gentle and the chillun is very good in structure. The accents, the way words are used and spelled.
A very well written for the flash fiction contest entry. Good luck,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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I really like the theme of this story. It encompasses a generation of people with lesser book learning'. The dialogue between the old black gentle and the chillun is very good in structure. The accents, the way words are used and spelled.
A very well written for the flash fiction contest entry. Good luck,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Hi Jim...thank you very much. Your note is encouraging and very thoughtful. I really appreciate that...Susan
Comment from Artasylum
I love this story.... of all the pieces in history this one draws me and completely captures me... what a time... what a shame and then what a woman... thank god for people who against all odds and at no fear for their own person create miraculous results to change lives, countries and worlds. loved it. yours, diana
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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I love this story.... of all the pieces in history this one draws me and completely captures me... what a time... what a shame and then what a woman... thank god for people who against all odds and at no fear for their own person create miraculous results to change lives, countries and worlds. loved it. yours, diana
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Hi there! Thank you so much for this kind and enthusiastic note! I am seeing racism raise it's ugly head again in the news... so this story. I really enjoyed hearing from you Diana...I will try to read your work soon. Smiles! Susan
Comment from Dave M
Susan,
This is an excellent story about a black person looking for food. I enjoyed this read and found no nits. Most white families in the old South would not have been so callus, although there were plenty of such people. A more typical ending would've been giving the person directions to where he needed to go, or feeding him in turn for his doing some chores.
Dave
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Susan,
This is an excellent story about a black person looking for food. I enjoyed this read and found no nits. Most white families in the old South would not have been so callus, although there were plenty of such people. A more typical ending would've been giving the person directions to where he needed to go, or feeding him in turn for his doing some chores.
Dave
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Thank you Dave! I tried to be different...I enjoy the south and it's history. Tho, I should do more research with stories such as this I guess. Thank you for yet another kind and welcome review!! Susan
