For the Birds
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Plovers and Great Whites"Poems about those winged gifts from above.
6 total reviews
Comment from Peter@Poole
This would rate highly if it were written as prose, inserting punctuation where required. THE WORDS WOULD BE THE SAME. The only feature that suggests you were attempting poetry is the division into stanzas instead of paragraphs. If you meant to write free verse, the words must convey emotion, music and beauty that prose cannot quite capture. Few reviewers can distinguish the difference, and many who know fail to teach the aspiring poet.
To show what I mean, I've rewritten your opening lines, hoping to leave no doubt that this is a poem. Here it is:
Piping plovers watch the waves,
warning of the waiting whites
whose hunger seals the fate of phocids
cruising cape Cod waters.
I'm a bit over the top with 'phocids', but happen to know the scientific name of the harbour seal. My point is that I searched for alliterative words and found them with p, w, h, s and c.
My four is still a good rating. Most of us receive too many fives, as if reviewers suggest we have no room for improvement. When did you last see a three, let alone anything lower? It has taken me years to improve but the struggle is a rewarding as a golfer labouring to improve his handicap. Sincerely, Peter
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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This would rate highly if it were written as prose, inserting punctuation where required. THE WORDS WOULD BE THE SAME. The only feature that suggests you were attempting poetry is the division into stanzas instead of paragraphs. If you meant to write free verse, the words must convey emotion, music and beauty that prose cannot quite capture. Few reviewers can distinguish the difference, and many who know fail to teach the aspiring poet.
To show what I mean, I've rewritten your opening lines, hoping to leave no doubt that this is a poem. Here it is:
Piping plovers watch the waves,
warning of the waiting whites
whose hunger seals the fate of phocids
cruising cape Cod waters.
I'm a bit over the top with 'phocids', but happen to know the scientific name of the harbour seal. My point is that I searched for alliterative words and found them with p, w, h, s and c.
My four is still a good rating. Most of us receive too many fives, as if reviewers suggest we have no room for improvement. When did you last see a three, let alone anything lower? It has taken me years to improve but the struggle is a rewarding as a golfer labouring to improve his handicap. Sincerely, Peter
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thanks for your extensive review. I can see this poem as prose.
UNfortunately I do receive many threes and twos. Thanks again. Elaine
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Then keep on going, Elaine. I'll try to be more constructive in my reviews. Guess what, although nearly all my ratings this year have been fives or better, my position is steadily going down! This really is a rat race but I'm addicted and will never use real money to buy acclaim. Peter
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mermaids
Another wonderful collection to your book about nature.
I love the idea of reading about the wonders of the sea etc
Keep up the wonderful work
Love
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Hello Mermaids
Another wonderful collection to your book about nature.
I love the idea of reading about the wonders of the sea etc
Keep up the wonderful work
Love
Gert
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thanks, Gert. I appreciate your encouraging comments. Elaine
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You are welcome
Gert
Comment from kiwigirl2821
I think you have written a thoughtful piece that your readers feel. You obviously have a genuine respect for this wildlife and you have written beautifully about it. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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I think you have written a thoughtful piece that your readers feel. You obviously have a genuine respect for this wildlife and you have written beautifully about it. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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I am glad you enjoyed this nature poem. Thanks so much for a positive review. Elaine
Comment from poetstar
It is O.K. that you did not have a picture. Your wonderful words showed us enough. This is such a delightful, descriptive, and wonderfully written poem. I sure enjoyed every word and the information about the Piping Plovers, seals and great whites. I have been away for health reasons. Poet Star
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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It is O.K. that you did not have a picture. Your wonderful words showed us enough. This is such a delightful, descriptive, and wonderfully written poem. I sure enjoyed every word and the information about the Piping Plovers, seals and great whites. I have been away for health reasons. Poet Star
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thanks for such a great review. I appreciate your generous of stars. I hope your health has improved and glad you are back. I keep thinking of those mermaid pumpkins you mentioned awhile back. Again, glad to hear from you and thanks again. Elaine
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I am well now. Vonnie
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Lets try to do a mermaid pumpkin next fall, and put it with some writing of some kind. It will be interesting to see your creation.
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Definately, a mermaid pumpkin in the Fall and a poem to go with her. I am looking forward to next Fall. ELaine
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I can't wait to do our pumpkin mermaids and poems. I really want to see what yours looks like. Have you thought of a color of hair yet?
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I was thinking of seagreen hair? Elaine
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I love sea green anything, even hair. Vonnie
Comment from LisaSilva
You are indeed an animal lover. Cape Cod sounds like such a beautiful place to be, while I sit here in dusty Idaho;)
"hope that this beautiful
bird will endure
and continue to watch
the prehistoric beings"
Sensitive and very poetic phrasing. I enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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You are indeed an animal lover. Cape Cod sounds like such a beautiful place to be, while I sit here in dusty Idaho;)
"hope that this beautiful
bird will endure
and continue to watch
the prehistoric beings"
Sensitive and very poetic phrasing. I enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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Yes, Cape Cod is full if wildlife despite being built up. I imagine idaho is also full of wildlife. Thanks for a great review. Elaine
Comment from Gungalo
What a thought this write holds. Imagine, they are endangered and still readily watched on the Cape. Amazing their kinship with the great white.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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What a thought this write holds. Imagine, they are endangered and still readily watched on the Cape. Amazing their kinship with the great white.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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I appreciate your taking time to read about these amazing animals. Thanks so much. Elaine
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They really are!!
