The Eye of Death's Enticement
a 200 word story24 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
I'm new to this site and love reading forms of fiction that I normally would not. And your story proves that I've made the right decision. This story is gross, scary and did I say gross. Great read.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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I'm new to this site and love reading forms of fiction that I normally would not. And your story proves that I've made the right decision. This story is gross, scary and did I say gross. Great read.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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Haha, thanks so much, Muffins :-). You've dug one from the annals here - thank you for reminding me of this nasty little write. I'm sure I had a longer story lurking in the back of my mind when I wrote this but it's been hidden by all the others. I very much appreciate the read and I hope you find Fanstory as helpful for your writing as I did.
Mike
Comment from WLHall
Nice to meet you, Mike. I have been looking for an advanced writer to follow as a fan with my sick sense of humor. This is the first thing I have read of yours and WOW! Can't wait to read more. I am brand new to fanstory. I'm a late bloomer when it comes to writing (see more in my profile if interested). I've only submitted one short story and entered the 5-7-5 poetry contest and am entering the "sentence starts" contest in March. I will be submitting that one soon. I know you are probably very busy, but if you have some time, I would appreciate it if you would look at my short story and "sentence starts" story. Am I asking too much? I really want someone with your expertise to be honest with me. I can put the short story back out there so it will pay some member cents, etc. along with the other one. They are very different from one another because I want to stay varied. I understand if you can't. I'm sure you get a lot of other people asking the same. I promise you I won't bug you if I don't hear from you. I'll wait to hear from you before I do anything. I am still trying to understand how this fanstory still works right now, so I don't know if I am allowed to solicit your advice personally like this. I am totally blown away by this piece of yours. Again, thank you for the "treat" of a story here, just whetted my appetite...(I'm really a very sane person). Thank you. WLHall
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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Nice to meet you, Mike. I have been looking for an advanced writer to follow as a fan with my sick sense of humor. This is the first thing I have read of yours and WOW! Can't wait to read more. I am brand new to fanstory. I'm a late bloomer when it comes to writing (see more in my profile if interested). I've only submitted one short story and entered the 5-7-5 poetry contest and am entering the "sentence starts" contest in March. I will be submitting that one soon. I know you are probably very busy, but if you have some time, I would appreciate it if you would look at my short story and "sentence starts" story. Am I asking too much? I really want someone with your expertise to be honest with me. I can put the short story back out there so it will pay some member cents, etc. along with the other one. They are very different from one another because I want to stay varied. I understand if you can't. I'm sure you get a lot of other people asking the same. I promise you I won't bug you if I don't hear from you. I'll wait to hear from you before I do anything. I am still trying to understand how this fanstory still works right now, so I don't know if I am allowed to solicit your advice personally like this. I am totally blown away by this piece of yours. Again, thank you for the "treat" of a story here, just whetted my appetite...(I'm really a very sane person). Thank you. WLHall
Comment Written 21-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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Thank you! I'll definitely come look over your work when I get a moment (work and life are very busy currently, but I write in the gaps!). Fanstory's a very friendly place, in my experience, so you don't need to worry about contacting people. We're all here to learn from each other. So glad you liked this little piece of mine!
Mike
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Thank you for the nice reply. It's great to know there is this forum for sharing and getting feedback. I just edited my "sentence starts" based on some advice from others, and found myself improving some of it on my own(I think). Appreciate you looking over what little I have out there when you get the chance, of course. I am trying to split my time reading as much as I can, reviewing to earn member cents and writing. The writing comes the slowest for me at this time. Again, thank you for your time.
Wanda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Okay, I am NOT into horror or thiller. I would say this would definitly qualify for both. You did a very good job or writing and your descriptions are very good.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2012
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Okay, I am NOT into horror or thiller. I would say this would definitly qualify for both. You did a very good job or writing and your descriptions are very good.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2012
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No worries, Barbara. Admittedly, I don't like reading this genre myself, but I quite enjoy writing it when the mood comes over me! Thank you for the wonderful review :-).
Mike
Comment from Deejharrington
OMG! To borrow an over-used slang. I don't know if enjoyed is the correct term, but I certainly was horrified. I like the touch of the "apple" actually his wife's heart. I'd say you are more than ready for the horror contests. I just don't know if we are!!:)
deb
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2012
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OMG! To borrow an over-used slang. I don't know if enjoyed is the correct term, but I certainly was horrified. I like the touch of the "apple" actually his wife's heart. I'd say you are more than ready for the horror contests. I just don't know if we are!!:)
deb
Comment Written 07-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2012
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lol, thanks Deb :-). It is pretty gruesome, that's for sure. I'm definitely feeling the nasty vibe at the moment.
Mike
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you're welcome
deb
Comment from Bryana
His wife's heart? I sure was not expecting it. Well, it seems to me you are "Feedleing" with horror! You certainly have an excellent imagination. Very well written piece. It should've been in a contest.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2012
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His wife's heart? I sure was not expecting it. Well, it seems to me you are "Feedleing" with horror! You certainly have an excellent imagination. Very well written piece. It should've been in a contest.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Bryana :-). I like to let out the nasty ideas from time to time, and this helped me get into the mood for another piece I have planned. Glad you enjoyed it.!
Mike
Comment from rchitwood
Those is a very bad horror story and it is very creative with good imagination. I would hate to meet whatever caused this man to cut up his wife and himself. Very well written and good characters. Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2012
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Those is a very bad horror story and it is very creative with good imagination. I would hate to meet whatever caused this man to cut up his wife and himself. Very well written and good characters. Blessings Rita
Comment Written 07-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Rita. It's been a while since I wrote horror, and it felt good to let the bad times pour out :-)
Mike
Comment from Sasha
Good heavens!!! I don't think FS has a warning strong enough for this. Now don't misinterpret that to mean I didn't like it because I did. I am just never prepared for what you may write next, which is what makes you such an awesome and talented writer. Great story that scared the shit out of me.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2012
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Good heavens!!! I don't think FS has a warning strong enough for this. Now don't misinterpret that to mean I didn't like it because I did. I am just never prepared for what you may write next, which is what makes you such an awesome and talented writer. Great story that scared the shit out of me.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2012
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lol, thank you! This was one that just came tumbling out some time ago, so I picked it up and rewrote it with some more thought to get the result here. It certainly helped get me in the mood for an idea I have to entre the horror contest.
Mike
Comment from jlsavell
Fleedleflump, am I to worry about you? You are up there with the absolute goriness of Stephen King!You would do him proud.. Welcome to my nightmare!!! Imagery vivid and so unappetizing...yuk yuk.. it is next to The Tell Tale Heart of Poe.. dark, sinister, a schizoid theme.. well done my friend.. well done.. jimi
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Fleedleflump, am I to worry about you? You are up there with the absolute goriness of Stephen King!You would do him proud.. Welcome to my nightmare!!! Imagery vivid and so unappetizing...yuk yuk.. it is next to The Tell Tale Heart of Poe.. dark, sinister, a schizoid theme.. well done my friend.. well done.. jimi
Comment Written 06-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Jimi. I'm always looking for new ways ti exacerbate the emotions in my writing, whether it be comedy, thrill, or abject horror. I'm definitely feeling the nastier stuff at the moment, and I saw a couple of horror story contests coming up, so I thought I'd get myself in the right frame of mind.
Mike
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well then I would say you are definitely in the right frame of mind. You are an exceptional talent and anyone who can write in most all genres successfully is gifted indeed.
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and by the way.. where is our Hitcher,, he disappears more than me.. ???//
Comment from Herb
Cool.
One could interpret this all the live long day and until the cows come home etc... A Shakespearen pound of flesh and a biblical apple, that was the heart of a wife. Cryptic little fella that one, I wonder if even the author has a solid sense of it, I often don't, which makes it a fertile ground for interpretation to some and rubbish to others.
I liked the seeds that you planted.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Cool.
One could interpret this all the live long day and until the cows come home etc... A Shakespearen pound of flesh and a biblical apple, that was the heart of a wife. Cryptic little fella that one, I wonder if even the author has a solid sense of it, I often don't, which makes it a fertile ground for interpretation to some and rubbish to others.
I liked the seeds that you planted.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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lol, thanks, Herb! Yeah, I am quite often guilty of 'writing on instinct' and letting the meanings come later. I'm glad you enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
Comment from keondae
Your word choices made me read all at a time. The devices you set were nice. There was an devil's eye in the toilet. The apple was his wife's heart. Skilled writing. I want to read more. 200 words are short.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Your word choices made me read all at a time. The devices you set were nice. There was an devil's eye in the toilet. The apple was his wife's heart. Skilled writing. I want to read more. 200 words are short.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Thank you, my friend! I'm so glad you enjoyed this. It is very short, yes. Usually I write very long prose, so I set myself the challenge of doing the opposite.
Mike
