Faith
The beauty of nature inspires faith in a creator18 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your exploration of diversity and beauty in our universe. I enjoyed the rhyme scheme you used in the three stanzas, with the echoing final lines. Best wishes in the contest. -Joan
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2012
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I admired your exploration of diversity and beauty in our universe. I enjoyed the rhyme scheme you used in the three stanzas, with the echoing final lines. Best wishes in the contest. -Joan
Comment Written 19-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2012
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Thank you.
Comment from juliaSjames
I like the theme of this poem which is faith in a creator God. wonderful "showing" as you describe the multitude of multifarious wonders in our beautiful world. I like the repeating line although I'm not sure why you write "such creations" in the first stanza. Better I think to start as you mean to go on and write, "His creations' unless you can find a more impacting word than "such".
I draw to your attention the instances of slight imprecision in your work which can easily be corrected.
In the first stanza, the reference to "think" followed by "Thoughts" a little further down is not wrong. But why not indicate an emotion instead of using the word "Thoughts" both to avoid redundancy and to carry forward the effect of the verb "stirs"? Perhaps, "Awe for Higher Majesty"?
And since you use "stir" again in "Stir my heart" you might want to find another word, perhaps "Lift my heart and I give all"
In the second stanza, just a slight tweak in the third line will improve the enjambment with the previous line and enhance the clarity of the lovely image: "When light catches crystal dew".
Your end-rhymes and near-rhymes are good, and I enjoyed the edgy meter.
wrt punctuation I think the colon in the first line of the first stanza impedes the flow. Likewise the commas after "webs" in the second stanza and after "cause" in the final stanza. However, a comma or perhaps a dash might be appropriate after "pause" in the last verse.
Please feel free to ignore these suggestions. But do let me know if you decide to make any changes so that I can look at the rating again.
Best of luck!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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I like the theme of this poem which is faith in a creator God. wonderful "showing" as you describe the multitude of multifarious wonders in our beautiful world. I like the repeating line although I'm not sure why you write "such creations" in the first stanza. Better I think to start as you mean to go on and write, "His creations' unless you can find a more impacting word than "such".
I draw to your attention the instances of slight imprecision in your work which can easily be corrected.
In the first stanza, the reference to "think" followed by "Thoughts" a little further down is not wrong. But why not indicate an emotion instead of using the word "Thoughts" both to avoid redundancy and to carry forward the effect of the verb "stirs"? Perhaps, "Awe for Higher Majesty"?
And since you use "stir" again in "Stir my heart" you might want to find another word, perhaps "Lift my heart and I give all"
In the second stanza, just a slight tweak in the third line will improve the enjambment with the previous line and enhance the clarity of the lovely image: "When light catches crystal dew".
Your end-rhymes and near-rhymes are good, and I enjoyed the edgy meter.
wrt punctuation I think the colon in the first line of the first stanza impedes the flow. Likewise the commas after "webs" in the second stanza and after "cause" in the final stanza. However, a comma or perhaps a dash might be appropriate after "pause" in the last verse.
Please feel free to ignore these suggestions. But do let me know if you decide to make any changes so that I can look at the rating again.
Best of luck!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Thank you, for your suggestions and lengthy review. I am always delighted when someone reads my poem and likes what it is about.
Comment from pasinger
The last stanza seems to be a little out of step with the others but does not detract from the message in this lovely poem.
If only more people would look around them to see the wonders of Creation they would realise there is an intelligence behind it, so, it could not have been the result of Evolution.
I loved the descriptive writing.
i loved the clear imagery.
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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The last stanza seems to be a little out of step with the others but does not detract from the message in this lovely poem.
If only more people would look around them to see the wonders of Creation they would realise there is an intelligence behind it, so, it could not have been the result of Evolution.
I loved the descriptive writing.
i loved the clear imagery.
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 17-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Thank you for your kind comments and for taking the time to read the poem. Nice to meet a like minded writer.
Comment from Chris Tee
Christina you can make this magnificent work still better old sport.
"Stir my heart to give (it) all.... Your syllables were up to here 7 per line to give it flow in this line I suggest you add a syllable as in between bracket
The next line is fine as a refrain with 10 syllables where you praise
God with Glory
If your lines are equal syllables right like the first stanza it will be brilliant poetry and worth a sixer.
If you meter this work and stick to a 10 syllable refrain this will be a master piece
Meter???
Now if you do not mind let me teach you meter, Ok.
Meter your work by getting the same syllable count in each line you write Ok
Example:
I love you so much = 5 syllables
Another hand to touch =6 syllables
Line 2 correction:
Another hand touch = 5 syllables
Usually tetrameter = 8 syllables per line and pentameter =10 syllables per line
When you write count the syllables and put it at the end of your line. then you manipulate your syllables after the first line and adjust accordingly. Keep the syllables per line in a verse equal. If you do not understand tell me with another reply Ok
Try to improve your writing from here by getting a nice flow.
I need to learn to just calm down = 8 syllables
The words are no good if no one's around =10 syllables
Correction top line:
I need really to learn to just calm down =10 syllables
The words are no good if no one's around =10 syllables
Now it is flowing.... It is like a clock tik tok tik tok
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Christina you can make this magnificent work still better old sport.
"Stir my heart to give (it) all.... Your syllables were up to here 7 per line to give it flow in this line I suggest you add a syllable as in between bracket
The next line is fine as a refrain with 10 syllables where you praise
God with Glory
If your lines are equal syllables right like the first stanza it will be brilliant poetry and worth a sixer.
If you meter this work and stick to a 10 syllable refrain this will be a master piece
Meter???
Now if you do not mind let me teach you meter, Ok.
Meter your work by getting the same syllable count in each line you write Ok
Example:
I love you so much = 5 syllables
Another hand to touch =6 syllables
Line 2 correction:
Another hand touch = 5 syllables
Usually tetrameter = 8 syllables per line and pentameter =10 syllables per line
When you write count the syllables and put it at the end of your line. then you manipulate your syllables after the first line and adjust accordingly. Keep the syllables per line in a verse equal. If you do not understand tell me with another reply Ok
Try to improve your writing from here by getting a nice flow.
I need to learn to just calm down = 8 syllables
The words are no good if no one's around =10 syllables
Correction top line:
I need really to learn to just calm down =10 syllables
The words are no good if no one's around =10 syllables
Now it is flowing.... It is like a clock tik tok tik tok
Comment Written 17-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Thank you for your comments.
Comment from c_lucas
God created the univers
Put man in charge for better or worst
When on the carpet man was called
On his woman, he blamed it all
*******Unedited
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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God created the univers
Put man in charge for better or worst
When on the carpet man was called
On his woman, he blamed it all
*******Unedited
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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Thank you. Praise God for such lovely things to write about.
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You're welcome, Christina. Charlie
Comment from l.raven
You are so right. I love all the little critters that God created. We are so lucky for all life that he has ceated. Very well said. And very well written.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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You are so right. I love all the little critters that God created. We are so lucky for all life that he has ceated. Very well said. And very well written.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the review and being like minded.
Comment from Anisa-
Though I don't share in some of your views this was a nice reminder to appreciate as much as possible in life. It got me thinking about all the small details I sometimes forget. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Though I don't share in some of your views this was a nice reminder to appreciate as much as possible in life. It got me thinking about all the small details I sometimes forget. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Thank you for taking the poem so well.
Comment from Veronica Grace
What a beautiful rendition of nature and the power and glory of God. It was an enjoyable, inspirational, and smooth read. I wish you luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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What a beautiful rendition of nature and the power and glory of God. It was an enjoyable, inspirational, and smooth read. I wish you luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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Thank you
Comment from AmeliaJane2012
Beautiful, just beautiful. This poem does not need any further work, it reflects beautifully God's creation. I hope you write more like this. Bless you.
From one Christian to another.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2012
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Beautiful, just beautiful. This poem does not need any further work, it reflects beautifully God's creation. I hope you write more like this. Bless you.
From one Christian to another.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2012
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Thank you. Bless you.
Comment from MAMONIA
Our world is beautiful and yes, He created
it so. Hopefully all will see the beauty
that you see in all the little creatures
and flowers in this universe.
Our earth is so vast and so full of His
many splendors.
You did a wonderful job with this poem.
It is like a prayer of praise.
Lots of luck to you, my friend.
Blessings. Marie
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2012
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Our world is beautiful and yes, He created
it so. Hopefully all will see the beauty
that you see in all the little creatures
and flowers in this universe.
Our earth is so vast and so full of His
many splendors.
You did a wonderful job with this poem.
It is like a prayer of praise.
Lots of luck to you, my friend.
Blessings. Marie
Comment Written 08-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2012
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Thank you. Blessings to you too.
