Love and Phoenix Tears
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Shopping and Sleuthing"A Harry Potter fanfiction!
4 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
Oh... she's already figured it out! They say God works in mysterious ways... well God's got nothing on Albus Dumbledor! LOL He's quite the Headmaster, putting those two together in the same apartments just to get them to get along... had they not gotten together Voldermort would have won! ... maybe... there was always Nevill...
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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Oh... she's already figured it out! They say God works in mysterious ways... well God's got nothing on Albus Dumbledor! LOL He's quite the Headmaster, putting those two together in the same apartments just to get them to get along... had they not gotten together Voldermort would have won! ... maybe... there was always Nevill...
Comment Written 08-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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haha yeah, it's so hard to know how things may have gone differently! They have such a tragic story, it kills me when I think about it, which is why I felt like I had to write this!
Comment from Tonulak
From what I read, you have great talent for a young writer. The "harry Potter stuff is very nice, but you should be developing your own ideas. You are absolutely capable. I saw a few spag, "peice of grass", should be "piece of grass" or better "blade of grass", "they trio" should be "the trio", "...how I Benjy you should remove the I". Really, very nice and controlled writing here, I'm impressed--Ted
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From what I read, you have great talent for a young writer. The "harry Potter stuff is very nice, but you should be developing your own ideas. You are absolutely capable. I saw a few spag, "peice of grass", should be "piece of grass" or better "blade of grass", "they trio" should be "the trio", "...how I Benjy you should remove the I". Really, very nice and controlled writing here, I'm impressed--Ted
Comment Written 12-Dec-2011
Comment from rtobaygo
I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT THAT WENT INTO THIS CHAPTER, THIS SAID, I FOUND THE SENTENCES IN PLACES DIFFICULT TO FOLLOW REGARDING PUSHING ALONG THE PLOT. AGAIN A LOT OF EFFORT ON YOU PART. THERE WERE NUMEROUS CHARACTERS, WHICH MADE FOR ME, AT TIMES, SOMEWHAT CONFUSING. YOU WROTE MOONY TRANSFORMED, BUT I FOUND IT SOMEWHAT CONFUSING. THE ONLY REMAINING INPUT I HAVE IS THAT (IN MY OPINION), SOME OF YOUR LONG SENTENCES COULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN AS TWO SHORTER SENTENCES
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I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT THAT WENT INTO THIS CHAPTER, THIS SAID, I FOUND THE SENTENCES IN PLACES DIFFICULT TO FOLLOW REGARDING PUSHING ALONG THE PLOT. AGAIN A LOT OF EFFORT ON YOU PART. THERE WERE NUMEROUS CHARACTERS, WHICH MADE FOR ME, AT TIMES, SOMEWHAT CONFUSING. YOU WROTE MOONY TRANSFORMED, BUT I FOUND IT SOMEWHAT CONFUSING. THE ONLY REMAINING INPUT I HAVE IS THAT (IN MY OPINION), SOME OF YOUR LONG SENTENCES COULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN AS TWO SHORTER SENTENCES
Comment Written 12-Dec-2011
Comment from The Stranger
who is the bully? Any woman who drags a man around a shopping centre, that is the simple answer..lol!! Great story, hope you found your answer.. ;)
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who is the bully? Any woman who drags a man around a shopping centre, that is the simple answer..lol!! Great story, hope you found your answer.. ;)
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
