Love and Phoenix Tears
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Mudbloods and Bloodtraitors"A Harry Potter fanfiction!
3 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
But of course, they will anyway... like father like son, I'm thinking. Harry had to get his precociousness from somewhere and I'm expecting a lot of it was from his father! :)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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But of course, they will anyway... like father like son, I'm thinking. Harry had to get his precociousness from somewhere and I'm expecting a lot of it was from his father! :)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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haha, he certainly does!
Comment from Ailo
"whose outrage had faded into perturbance"-How could you show this in his facial gestures, maybe his tone of voice...paint the picture on this particular image.
"He was talking about Voldemort"-I thought the use of Voldemorts name was a big no-no? These students seem to use his name so casually like its no big deal.
"Professor McGonagall's mouth was set in a firm line as she studied James and then Sirius for the hundredth time."-use action words instead of a passive tone. EX:McGonagalls' lips set in firm lines while studying james then sirius....btw, what do you mean by set in firm lines...is she pursing her lips, or is it just because she is old that her lips look tense...maybe draw the picture more to clarify.
Overall, this was a very fun piece of fan-fiction. I could tell you enjoyed writing it...makes it easier to read when the writer enjoys what they are writing about.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2011
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"whose outrage had faded into perturbance"-How could you show this in his facial gestures, maybe his tone of voice...paint the picture on this particular image.
"He was talking about Voldemort"-I thought the use of Voldemorts name was a big no-no? These students seem to use his name so casually like its no big deal.
"Professor McGonagall's mouth was set in a firm line as she studied James and then Sirius for the hundredth time."-use action words instead of a passive tone. EX:McGonagalls' lips set in firm lines while studying james then sirius....btw, what do you mean by set in firm lines...is she pursing her lips, or is it just because she is old that her lips look tense...maybe draw the picture more to clarify.
Overall, this was a very fun piece of fan-fiction. I could tell you enjoyed writing it...makes it easier to read when the writer enjoys what they are writing about.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2011
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Thanks for reading and commenting! It's nice to hear from someone who's familiar with the books! I'll work on the errors you've pointed out... hmm the part about Voldemort, I'm not sure, but I always kind of imagined that it became a big deal later to not say his name, closer to when James and Lily end up getting killed?
thanks again for the comment!
Comment from oNray
I do so enjoy your writing. I am so impressed that at your age you are able to put this together. Scripps, conversations, direction, coordination all under your control. Nice done
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2011
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I do so enjoy your writing. I am so impressed that at your age you are able to put this together. Scripps, conversations, direction, coordination all under your control. Nice done
Comment Written 09-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2011
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so glad you enjoyed, thanks for the positive review! :)
