Comment from ishan335

Average

Absorbing..good read..
But please don't switch narration styles without warning..
A linear narrative in third person is much better for the readers to comprehend...

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 Comment Written 05-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011

Thanks.

Comment from livingwords

Excellent

Excellent continuation. Good pacing. Keep it going, without digressing.
Nits:
Norris picked it up; (doesn't call for a semi-colon, which should be used sparingly, according to my agent.

Jenkins Porter unto should be onto

 Comment Written 04-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011

Thanks, Dan. I really appreciate your interest in my chapter. And thanks so much for catching the SPAG. Kind regards, Bev

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

I would say Jim is not having one of his better days. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Good job.

 Comment Written 04-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 04-Dec-2011

Thanks, charlie. I like your dry wit! Warm regards, Bev

reply by c_lucas on 05-Dec-2011

You're welcome, Bev. Charlie

Comment from gypsynet

Excellent

a good break with a neutral
tonality in the page to allow
s breather from high intensity
of scene before this... good pacing
of thought pattern and an ending
that leads te reader for more coming
adventures...

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 Comment Written 04-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 04-Dec-2011

Thanks, gypsynet. I appreciate your thorough and excellent review. Your interest in my story and willingness to support with great insights is very gratifying. Kindest regards, Bev