Reviews from

Our marriage

Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Meeting and dating"
Short book about how our marriage started.

18 total reviews 
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wait, how long was this trip? Like three days? I didn't know instantly I was going to marry my husband but I'd say about three months in I knew. I'm sure Brian was a little irritated that they never went golfing but I'm sure he got over it. Did your husband and Brian stay friends?

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
    Thanks for your kid review, Ine. Have a great second part of the week. One week. No , he employed Brian one time which cost him a lot of money. Brian also visited us in Holland with a Swedish girl- she was awful-demanding. Then they just did not talk or see each other anymore.
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

that's just how it happens sometimes and it can definitely stand the test of time.

Consultant Psychiatrists and worked to hard and always talked shop - too hard.

On one of the first trip we drove to the top of a mountain - trips.

he used the break pedal - brake.

We never got the hand break - handbrake.

stopped me which I did not like , let alone understand - delete the space from before the comma here.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
    Thanks for kind review, ine. Have lovely and blessed Sunday, Ine
Comment from Writingfundimension
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I find this story fascinating, Ine. I'm so impressed with all your credentials and I must share with you that I am married to a certified public accountant. Like you, I find there's quite a bit of fire underneath all that cool-headed logic. I like your story very much and am looking forward to reading more about you and your husband. Warmest regards, Bev

 Comment Written 20-Nov-2011


reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
    Thanks so much for your time and kind review. Blessings and take care, Ine
reply by Writingfundimension on 21-Nov-2011
    You're welcome, Ine.
Comment from Jean Lutz
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Love at first sight that has lasted for life. A beautiful love story. Do you still have the same ring? Need artwork you chose to depict your romantic eve.

 Comment Written 20-Nov-2011


reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
    Thanks so much for your time and kind review. Blessings and take care, Ine. Have the ring , but we are wearing other ones.
Comment from psalmist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

what a romantic start to your relationship. sounds like something straight out of a movie. I think it says a lot about how comfortable you were with each other to share your time with someone else. Linda

 Comment Written 20-Nov-2011


reply by the author on 20-Nov-2011
    Thanks for your time and kind review. Much appreciated. Blessings and have a nice Sunday, Ine
Comment from nora arjuna
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Robina, thought I'd check on you. And I always like to read non-fiction as it often reflects what most of us have gone through. I have some suggestions for you. Hope they help in any way.

A tall[,] handsome and pleasant looking man [came nearer]. you can use 'approached' here. 'Handsome' already described a pleasant looking man, so using either one would do.

He [approached me] and asked if we could dance - you already mentioned he was coming nearer, so that's not needed. Go right to - He asked me....

The scene could be presented in a more interesting way with imagery and dialogues. Just for eg:

After dinner, I was at the bar when a tall, pleasant looking man approached. The lighting cast a glow on his dark, slightly curly hair and put lights in his keen brown eyes. He was just slightly taller than me. White shirt and dark pants fitted his slim form well [describe what he wore]. I gasped inside, as he looked exactly like a fortune teller had predicted years before.

"Hi." He displayed a charming smile. "Can I get you a drink, and maybe a dance?"

"Sure. Thanks," I said, a little flushed.

With another smile, he left and soon returned a drink for both of us. "I'm Robert," he said as he handed me a glass. [then you can let us hear what he actually said here about the Italian thing that took you by surprise]"

That's an example on how you could make this whole post more interesting. Don't just tell us, show us. Take us right into the scene. Let us hear what you talked about. Let us hear his voice, when did it become warm and sexy, whatever. Let us picture his face, his eyes. When did the colour change. Let us hear his laughter. Let us see the surroundings - the bar, the room, the sights and smells, the meals - share the taste with us. Just a touch of description here and there. :)

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2011


reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011
    Thanks for your thoughtful kind review. Blessings and take care, Ine. I kept it in narrative as dialogues are even more difficult for me. But see your point. Will try and use some of your tips in the next chapter.
Comment from Janie King
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

It appears to me you are doing just fine...love at first sight..sounds like its lasted too, that's what counts. God bless.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2011


reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011
    Thanks for your thoughtful kind review. Blessings and take care, Ine
Comment from rchitwood
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I really enjoyed reading this romantic story.Your Robert sounds so delightful and I can tell you had a lovely time.Your story is very believable and has good dialogue and characters.Blessings Rita

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2011


reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011
    Thanks for your thoughtful kind review. Blessings and take care, Ine
Comment from Melspoems
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is well written and it's nice to read about how you met your husband and fell in love straight away and got engaged on the holiday where you met.

So your a phychiatrist? Wow, that make sense actually.

Suggestions
Both my parents were Consultant Psychiatrists and (who instead of and) worked to (too) hard and always talked shop.
head for our room(s)

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2011


reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011
    Thanks for your thoughtful kind review. Blessings and take care, Ine. Thanks for the tips Mel. Will look into that.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a lovely story, Ine. I do believe in love at first sight. It happened to me too. You speak with a soft style, very east to read and so enjoyable.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2011


reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011
    Thanks for your thoughtful kind review. Blessings and take care, Ine