Cry for my Beloved wife
Divorce tears into shreds our humaness.70 total reviews
Comment from stephybs
This I can see just by your color choice is spiritual in nature because you are hurting. I too know how you are feeling, as I have three son's who are all going through the same. None of them made the choice to leave they too are missing their children, my grand children very much! So bless you for writing out your feelings! I hope and wish you some luck. Stephanie
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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This I can see just by your color choice is spiritual in nature because you are hurting. I too know how you are feeling, as I have three son's who are all going through the same. None of them made the choice to leave they too are missing their children, my grand children very much! So bless you for writing out your feelings! I hope and wish you some luck. Stephanie
Comment Written 09-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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Stephanie,May i say a prayer to your sons if you allow me.
I pray my Lord will give them peace and joy and a sense of hope during this time.May the sun of joy and gladness warm their souls forever.Amen.
Divorce hurts.It does.But The Lord heals.
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Thank you keyym!
Comment from shirley31
Dear Keyym
i have looked at these poems and although they are beautiful some are not 5 7 5
just to show you i have edited the first see if you like it better its in order and i think it says what you are trying to say
T'was one fine morning
with little hope none sparing
arising the day
if you see what i have done and you like it i shall come back to help you with the others i think this work could be magnificent! reality poetry speaks volumes in todays world! Ps one of my great friends lives in town with you! xxx let me know i love 5 7 5 and i shall dedicate some time if you wish!
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2011
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Dear Keyym
i have looked at these poems and although they are beautiful some are not 5 7 5
just to show you i have edited the first see if you like it better its in order and i think it says what you are trying to say
T'was one fine morning
with little hope none sparing
arising the day
if you see what i have done and you like it i shall come back to help you with the others i think this work could be magnificent! reality poetry speaks volumes in todays world! Ps one of my great friends lives in town with you! xxx let me know i love 5 7 5 and i shall dedicate some time if you wish!
Comment Written 07-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2011
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To be honest counting syllables has been a great challenge to me.But what you have edited seem nice to me.I believe i take your challenge seriously.Thanks Shirley .
if you don't like syllable counting then for you Free verse would suit very much there are no rules no rhyme and i also write alot of that ok for this i have sent a private message to show how it could really look great let me know if i can be of anymore assistance! xxx
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I have read it it works fine..thanks
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Please read it now i have posted the edited version.Of course it is your effort.But i also like it now.Thanks so much
Comment from M. Karol
I am sure many people go through such trying times. Poetry is one way to let out the steam.
In 5,7,5 form, you need to count your syllables.
In initial paras, your verses flow smoothly but as you progress, they lost that continuity. A little bit of editing will tighten it up.
Madhvi
This is much better now. Your count is nearly on the mark. Great effort. Have a great year end.
Madhvi
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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I am sure many people go through such trying times. Poetry is one way to let out the steam.
In 5,7,5 form, you need to count your syllables.
In initial paras, your verses flow smoothly but as you progress, they lost that continuity. A little bit of editing will tighten it up.
Madhvi
This is much better now. Your count is nearly on the mark. Great effort. Have a great year end.
Madhvi
Comment Written 29-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Madhvi i will.thanks
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I have edited.Thanks
Comment from peggles
This was a very descriptive poem
full of love and longing for a time passed
Very well composed
This is a well crafted verse
I thought your message
came through clearly
Well done
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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This was a very descriptive poem
full of love and longing for a time passed
Very well composed
This is a well crafted verse
I thought your message
came through clearly
Well done
Comment Written 29-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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I am happy Peggie,i want to let that pain that strangles my heart over this issue but i have since remarried.It is a true story.
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i mean to let out that pain..
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I am glad you are happy now
Comment from Alexander E Poet
I agree ,I enjoyed the wording and the flow . It had great imagery. Well done poet ink from your heart. Such a most beautiful and touching poem filled with love and with a message. nothing to change as far as i can see. Alexander QQ...
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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I agree ,I enjoyed the wording and the flow . It had great imagery. Well done poet ink from your heart. Such a most beautiful and touching poem filled with love and with a message. nothing to change as far as i can see. Alexander QQ...
Comment Written 29-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Thanks Alexander,I am encouraged.That feel like a certificate for me already.Thanks.
Comment from babylonia
Divorce can be such a horrible thing but sometimes staying together isn't always best. Easy to read and follow. Imagery is excellent. Good luck.
Love,
Barbara
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Divorce can be such a horrible thing but sometimes staying together isn't always best. Easy to read and follow. Imagery is excellent. Good luck.
Love,
Barbara
Comment Written 29-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Thanks Barbara.Oh, thanks.
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you are welcome~
Comment from Rose Hearth
Perhaps you did not fully understand the contest rules. A 5/7/5 is just that. A three line poem with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second line, and 5 syllables in the third line. Unless otherwise stated in the rules, multiple stanzas are unacceptable. Even if they were acceptable in this contest, not one of your stanzas fulfills the syllable count requirement:
Stanza 1, 4/7/6
Stanza 2, 6/6/6
Stanza 3, 4/7/5
Stanza 4, 5/5/6
Stanza 5, 5/8/6
Stanza 6, 5/6/7
Stanza 7, 4/7/4
Stanza 8, 4/6/7
Stanza 9, 6/6/5
It shows a lot of emotion. With a little perspiration, I think you might be able to fix it.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2011
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Perhaps you did not fully understand the contest rules. A 5/7/5 is just that. A three line poem with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second line, and 5 syllables in the third line. Unless otherwise stated in the rules, multiple stanzas are unacceptable. Even if they were acceptable in this contest, not one of your stanzas fulfills the syllable count requirement:
Stanza 1, 4/7/6
Stanza 2, 6/6/6
Stanza 3, 4/7/5
Stanza 4, 5/5/6
Stanza 5, 5/8/6
Stanza 6, 5/6/7
Stanza 7, 4/7/4
Stanza 8, 4/6/7
Stanza 9, 6/6/5
It shows a lot of emotion. With a little perspiration, I think you might be able to fix it.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2011
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Thanks..At least my emotions and hurts have been poured out,even if i dont win the contest now i have won my peace.i will improve
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how do you count that.i am not even aware of that.If you can give me tips.I was writing for my emotions sake.did not expect such bashing
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I apologize that you consider it bashing. You entered this poem in a contest. It is your responsibility to read the rules for the contest and adhere to them. You did not. Writing for emotion's sake is cathartic and healthy. Contests are ways that we can polish that writing and hone our skills. That, in turn, helps us to 'polish' our initial outpourings in order to more readily convey them to the people who are reading, allowing them to more fully share the experience with us. Keep on keeping on, and if there is anything I can do for you...there is always the Private Message, or Profile Page for lengthier conversation.
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No reprieve.
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Thanks for your worthy challenge i have worked on the poem now.All because you challenged me.How i am grateful to you.Thanks a million.
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I have upgraded to four stars, only because it is too long for the contest. The contest closes on Jan 17. If you will notify me at that time, I will upgrade to the 5 stars you deserve. This version has a much smoother, yet still extremely emotive flow. Great job on the rewrite!
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How many stanzas are needed for the contest? i never knew there was limit.Poor me,was ignorant.
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One stanza... 3 lines
5 syllables
7 syllables
5 syllables
5/7/5's , Haiku, and Senyru, all have this format... it's tough to put so much into three lines. But you are doing great with this as it is.
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thanks
so much
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No problem. I'm here a lot so if you have any questions feel free to PM me or even reply to this. :-)
Comment from juliaSjames
Hello keyym
You have poured out your heart on the page for all to see, and I admire your honesty and courage.
This is a tragic tale that plays out time and again in all parts of the world.
Although the emotion comes through in this poem, you need to work on your writing skills. In the first place this is not a suitable entry for the contest because it does not meet the requirements of a 5-7-5 write.
Secondly, you are rather haphazard in composing your three-line stanzas. They seem to be written in the style of a short form - short/long/short, but there is either no flow between the lines, or the wording is awkward as in "with endless search to find
my dear not near to hold"
I hope that you will continue writing, my friend. I think you may have more life stories to share. It could be helpful to take a look at Poetry Dances that shows samples of a wide range of poetic forms. Click on Home on the front page of this site and then click on Poetry Dances in the drop down menu.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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Hello keyym
You have poured out your heart on the page for all to see, and I admire your honesty and courage.
This is a tragic tale that plays out time and again in all parts of the world.
Although the emotion comes through in this poem, you need to work on your writing skills. In the first place this is not a suitable entry for the contest because it does not meet the requirements of a 5-7-5 write.
Secondly, you are rather haphazard in composing your three-line stanzas. They seem to be written in the style of a short form - short/long/short, but there is either no flow between the lines, or the wording is awkward as in "with endless search to find
my dear not near to hold"
I hope that you will continue writing, my friend. I think you may have more life stories to share. It could be helpful to take a look at Poetry Dances that shows samples of a wide range of poetic forms. Click on Home on the front page of this site and then click on Poetry Dances in the drop down menu.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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Thanks for being an honest reviewer.many times i honestly write to pour my emotions not to follow rules.I believe it is therapeutic to me.When it feels good to elevate my pain every other rule is broken.Perhaps that is where i should really work harder to better my skills.Thanks once again.
Maybe you should try free verse. But I do urge that after you've poured out your heart, you take a few moments to edit your work. You will find that most, if not all, of us who post on this site are struggling to cope with heartache and suffering of one kind or another. Maybe that's what prompts us to write. peace and blessings, julia
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I heeded your advice after all.I have now edited.Thanks
Comment from Maxxx
this is very powerful. my heart goes out to you. the pain of losing your family, your children, in such a cruel way...unbearable picture. you make me walk in your shoes with your simple vivid words.this is so heartwrenching: "pain begets lots of grief children agony simmers i sit lonely alone days bliss not anymore torn to shreds for now"
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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this is very powerful. my heart goes out to you. the pain of losing your family, your children, in such a cruel way...unbearable picture. you make me walk in your shoes with your simple vivid words.this is so heartwrenching: "pain begets lots of grief children agony simmers i sit lonely alone days bliss not anymore torn to shreds for now"
Comment Written 08-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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This is a true story.I have since gone through a heart rending divorce and remarried.But i still miss my children.Thank you for review and empathy
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Comment from Porscheslayer
A very well written poem indeed. I could feel your pain and regret. I thought that you chose your words very carefully, so as to stick within the structure of the verses, but still get your message and emotions across - a balance which I think is hard to achieve and deserves mentioning. No SPAG's that I saw. I'm a divorcee myself so I have a lot of empathy for you and, if it hasn't happened already, hope that your life does get happier from now on.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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A very well written poem indeed. I could feel your pain and regret. I thought that you chose your words very carefully, so as to stick within the structure of the verses, but still get your message and emotions across - a balance which I think is hard to achieve and deserves mentioning. No SPAG's that I saw. I'm a divorcee myself so I have a lot of empathy for you and, if it hasn't happened already, hope that your life does get happier from now on.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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God bless you.Am happy for the comment.I am still recovering
