Colors
a description af panting4 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
lifelove21, your first and third lines each have 5 syllables the way they are supposed to
Your middle line, however, has 9 syllables instead of the required 7
col/ors/flow/ing/are/so/beau/ti/ful
This is a thoughtful commentary on the beauty of art and the freeing quality of expression it provides. The 4 rating is for the break in form. If you revise, please let me know and I will upgrade my rating :-) Brooke
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lifelove21, your first and third lines each have 5 syllables the way they are supposed to
Your middle line, however, has 9 syllables instead of the required 7
col/ors/flow/ing/are/so/beau/ti/ful
This is a thoughtful commentary on the beauty of art and the freeing quality of expression it provides. The 4 rating is for the break in form. If you revise, please let me know and I will upgrade my rating :-) Brooke
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
Comment from oozer
I commend you om making the three sentences. That is good. I believe that is the ancient way of composing a HAIKU.
suppose you made this wee change:
On the page, shapes dance
Colours flowing so are beautiful
Painting is so free
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2011
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I commend you om making the three sentences. That is good. I believe that is the ancient way of composing a HAIKU.
suppose you made this wee change:
On the page, shapes dance
Colours flowing so are beautiful
Painting is so free
Comment Written 07-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2011
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maybe just maybe ,: ) (one raised eyebrow)
Comment from catch22
Unfortunately, your syllable count is off in the second line. I count at least 8 (depending on how you pronounce "beautiful"). Also, in such a short piece, I would recommend not using the word "colors" so many times (you used it 3 times). Try to make your words as impactful and brief as possible to get your message across.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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Unfortunately, your syllable count is off in the second line. I count at least 8 (depending on how you pronounce "beautiful"). Also, in such a short piece, I would recommend not using the word "colors" so many times (you used it 3 times). Try to make your words as impactful and brief as possible to get your message across.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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thanks check out my revised version
Comment from enneyehc
It's harder, I believe to write a shorter poem. Try evoking more feeling, although this "paints" a beautiful picture in my mind.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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It's harder, I believe to write a shorter poem. Try evoking more feeling, although this "paints" a beautiful picture in my mind.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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thanks 4 the response
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check out my revised version
