Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Beware the Incubus"Case Studies of Hauntings
28 total reviews
Comment from Tonulak
There was good drama and action in this chapter and I liked that it was set in Vermont. Vermont is a very ghosty place. Dialog and characters were done well. I caought one spag, "to took its place" should be "to take". Nice job on this one.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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There was good drama and action in this chapter and I liked that it was set in Vermont. Vermont is a very ghosty place. Dialog and characters were done well. I caought one spag, "to took its place" should be "to take". Nice job on this one.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thanks, Tonulak. I received the same suggestion from another reviewer about the SPAG and thought I had corrected it. Thanks for pointing out that I might not have 'saved'. Yes, New England is a real hot-bed for paranormal activity. Thanks so much for reading the chapter and for your generous review. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Bev.
A great chapter. Loved it.
All singing, dancing and in Technicolor. In other words the full works of visuals and sound effects in this one.
Interesting touch that a demon who hasn't inhabited a human body cannot be manipulated.
This would make a great movie.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Hi Bev.
A great chapter. Loved it.
All singing, dancing and in Technicolor. In other words the full works of visuals and sound effects in this one.
Interesting touch that a demon who hasn't inhabited a human body cannot be manipulated.
This would make a great movie.
Ron xox
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thanks so much for your great review, Ron. Like you, I love them stars. But it's your wonderful support that means the most to me. I figure if I can get FanStory's Master of Horror's approval I'm doing okay! Xxx Bev
Comment from daniela.albu
You construct here very well the thrilling atmosphere and one can almost feel the incubus infiltrating in Emma's mind and soul:
"You will help me, Emma, of that you can be sure. Like a spider who contorts its body in order to slip from sight, I will enter through the cracks of your fear and confusion. You, my dear, will be the living sacrifice I need in order to once again walk the earth."
The language used here has lots of "special effects".
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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You construct here very well the thrilling atmosphere and one can almost feel the incubus infiltrating in Emma's mind and soul:
"You will help me, Emma, of that you can be sure. Like a spider who contorts its body in order to slip from sight, I will enter through the cracks of your fear and confusion. You, my dear, will be the living sacrifice I need in order to once again walk the earth."
The language used here has lots of "special effects".
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thanks, daniela. I really appreciate you stopping by to read my chapter and offer your wonderful review. You are most kind! Bev
Comment from c_lucas
A very strong hook at the end. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy rule. There is very good imagery.
Errors???
another demon stood to took (take)its place.
center of the room to asses (assess) his options
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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A very strong hook at the end. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy rule. There is very good imagery.
Errors???
another demon stood to took (take)its place.
center of the room to asses (assess) his options
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Hi, charlie. Thanks for your always-professional eye for details, and I will correct those annoying SPAG's. Your support is very much appreciate! Kind regards, Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
Comment from JW
This chapter makes for an interesting development in your story. Thanks for sharing it. JW
Here are a few items you may or may not want to review:
Rising from the core of the earth, another demon stood to took its place. took -> take
He stepped back into the center of the room to asses his options and was stunned to see the door open slowly...
(Are you sure this what you meant to type?)
Mike moved the temperature gauge in a spiral direction both their bodies. Seems like a word is missing here.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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This chapter makes for an interesting development in your story. Thanks for sharing it. JW
Here are a few items you may or may not want to review:
Rising from the core of the earth, another demon stood to took its place. took -> take
He stepped back into the center of the room to asses his options and was stunned to see the door open slowly...
(Are you sure this what you meant to type?)
Mike moved the temperature gauge in a spiral direction both their bodies. Seems like a word is missing here.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thanks so much for catching the SPAG's Jonathon. I appreciate your support! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from adewpearl
You create mood well in your opening paragraph - excellent descriptive detail
effective description of the claw touching Emma's arm
an ancient serpant - serpent
I like the alliteration in straight from Satan's side
You will help me, Emma - add comma for direct address
It sounded like someone shot off a canon - cannon - canon means something else altogether
Good use of dialogue
Yea, man, I heard it - Yeah
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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You create mood well in your opening paragraph - excellent descriptive detail
effective description of the claw touching Emma's arm
an ancient serpant - serpent
I like the alliteration in straight from Satan's side
You will help me, Emma - add comma for direct address
It sounded like someone shot off a canon - cannon - canon means something else altogether
Good use of dialogue
Yea, man, I heard it - Yeah
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thanks much, Brooke. Of course, canon is a musical term, duh! I appreciate you taking time out to read the chapter and offer your insights. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from allborn66
This is a great chapter. You pulled me in without reading any of your other work. I like the dialogue. The characters are compelling.
Barbara
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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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This is a great chapter. You pulled me in without reading any of your other work. I like the dialogue. The characters are compelling.
Barbara
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thanks so much, Barbara. I really appreciate the interest and support for my chapter. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from peggles
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words making for an easy read
There is very good imagery
You created a creepy atmosphere
A wonderful story of
I love your descriptions made me shiver
Well done
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
|
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words making for an easy read
There is very good imagery
You created a creepy atmosphere
A wonderful story of
I love your descriptions made me shiver
Well done
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Hi, peggles. Thank you so much for your generous and supportive review. You are most kind! Warm regards, Bev
