Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "At the Precipice"Case Studies of Hauntings
56 total reviews
Comment from rchitwood
I love the paranormal and you left me hanging I wanted to see what happened to the cat or what scared it.Your story has very good suspense and dialogue.Very creative characters and imagination.Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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I love the paranormal and you left me hanging I wanted to see what happened to the cat or what scared it.Your story has very good suspense and dialogue.Very creative characters and imagination.Blessings Rita
Comment Written 06-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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Thank you, Rita. I will be posting another chapter soon that I hope will answer some questions lol. Thank you so much for your generous words of support and interest. Kindest regards, Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, bev, a great job writing this chapter in your book that shows the turmoil the job was taking on everybody and ending it with a hook that draws the readers back to find out what happens nextt.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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this is very well written, bev, a great job writing this chapter in your book that shows the turmoil the job was taking on everybody and ending it with a hook that draws the readers back to find out what happens nextt.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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Thank you so much, sweet. I really appreciate your valuable input into my book and continued interest. You are most kind! Bev
Comment from anderaj
Though I'm jumping into this late in the game, I'm very interested in the paranormal and enjoyed what I read here. Your dialogue is very natural, which makes it easy to read. I also liked the end of the chapter. It makes me want to keep reading, which is the outcome you're looking for.
Here are some minor comments:
1. "So, tell us what happened and we'll let you know if we agree with the choice you made." -- I don't believe you need a comma after "so."
2. "In the morning, our heads will be clear and emotions calmer ..." -- You don't need the comma after "morning."
3. "They'd earlier secured a front door key in the likelihood they'd be returning late." -- This would sound more natural if you rewrote it to start with "earlier." "Earlier they'd secured ..."
4. "Emma was crazy for cats and wherever the team traveled, every feline in the vicinity eventually found its way to her." -- There should be a comma after "cats."
5. "The idea of becoming a paranormal investigator had, initially, been exciting to Emma; and she often expressed gratitude for finding paranormal investigators with the integrity of Mike and Mia." -- The semicolon should actually be a comma.
6. "But, the psychic world was not a comfortable or natural place for her to abide in, as it was for Mia." -- No comma after "But."
7. "I know you're anxious to find out what we've captured but you'll be sharper after a good night's sleep and food in your belly." -- There should be a comma after "captured."
8. Carrot cake pancakes with cream cheese topping sounds awesome!
9. "The volleyball game this week is really important and I need to perform well." -- There should be a comma after "important."
10. "We can discuss the details at our group meeting tomorrow but I believe it's a win-win situation for all of us." -- comma after "tomorrow."
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Though I'm jumping into this late in the game, I'm very interested in the paranormal and enjoyed what I read here. Your dialogue is very natural, which makes it easy to read. I also liked the end of the chapter. It makes me want to keep reading, which is the outcome you're looking for.
Here are some minor comments:
1. "So, tell us what happened and we'll let you know if we agree with the choice you made." -- I don't believe you need a comma after "so."
2. "In the morning, our heads will be clear and emotions calmer ..." -- You don't need the comma after "morning."
3. "They'd earlier secured a front door key in the likelihood they'd be returning late." -- This would sound more natural if you rewrote it to start with "earlier." "Earlier they'd secured ..."
4. "Emma was crazy for cats and wherever the team traveled, every feline in the vicinity eventually found its way to her." -- There should be a comma after "cats."
5. "The idea of becoming a paranormal investigator had, initially, been exciting to Emma; and she often expressed gratitude for finding paranormal investigators with the integrity of Mike and Mia." -- The semicolon should actually be a comma.
6. "But, the psychic world was not a comfortable or natural place for her to abide in, as it was for Mia." -- No comma after "But."
7. "I know you're anxious to find out what we've captured but you'll be sharper after a good night's sleep and food in your belly." -- There should be a comma after "captured."
8. Carrot cake pancakes with cream cheese topping sounds awesome!
9. "The volleyball game this week is really important and I need to perform well." -- There should be a comma after "important."
10. "We can discuss the details at our group meeting tomorrow but I believe it's a win-win situation for all of us." -- comma after "tomorrow."
Comment Written 05-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Hi, anderaj. I very much appreciate the time you took in reviewing my chapter and the interest shown. I'm going to take a look at all the suggested changes, so thank you for letting me know about possible SPAG's. Your generosity is much appreciated...Bev
Comment from Christopher.Colliers
Very well written thank you for sharing this wonderful piece of writing on this website. I look forward to reading more from you. Good job and well done.
-Christopher Lee Colliers
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Very well written thank you for sharing this wonderful piece of writing on this website. I look forward to reading more from you. Good job and well done.
-Christopher Lee Colliers
Comment Written 04-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Thank you so much, Christoper. I appreciate you taking time to stopy by and offer your generous review for my chapter. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Bellringer
Bev, I enjoyed this chapter that focuses on the team's interaction with one another. There remains an element of tension in this chapter as the team has experienced psychic trauma in this case. The cat is an added bonus, especially in that cliff-hanger ending which reminds me of paranormal/supernatural movies I have seen where a door opens--signaling disturbing events to follow. Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Bev, I enjoyed this chapter that focuses on the team's interaction with one another. There remains an element of tension in this chapter as the team has experienced psychic trauma in this case. The cat is an added bonus, especially in that cliff-hanger ending which reminds me of paranormal/supernatural movies I have seen where a door opens--signaling disturbing events to follow. Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Thank you for your kind review, Hector. I really appreciate your insights and continued interest in my story. Always good to hear from you! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from JW
This was a very interesting addition to your story. I definitely like the hook at the end. One cannot help but wonder what could have caused the cat to react like that.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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This was a very interesting addition to your story. I definitely like the hook at the end. One cannot help but wonder what could have caused the cat to react like that.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Hi, Jonathon. How are you doing, my friend? Getting something ready to post soon I hope. Thanks for your specific and most helpful feedback - you're faithful support is so appreciated. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Tom C. Adams
Bev this is a dynamite Chapter! What a fine job you have done running this serious plot, advancing it with smooth transitions and tremendous dialogue. Here are some thoughts I have:
"...pool balls in a fast break." I got confused when I first read this, thinking about swimming pools. Do you think that "billiard balls" might work to lessen this confusion?
"This might be a good time to tell Emma and I about what happened back there that made you decide to leave Jim Norris behind," Sorry for the ridiculously tiny comment: I believe the correct English is "Emma and me..."
I like the "snap back to reality" reference to the Volleyball game, and the agnostic reference. And then the
Chapter ends with the cat apparently detecting something fishy at good ol' 3AM.
Super chapter Bev. Especially the dialogue. Some parts are fuzzy in this old man's head. I will go backwards and read about the things the men tell Mia. It's all good; keep going TC!
Tom C.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Bev this is a dynamite Chapter! What a fine job you have done running this serious plot, advancing it with smooth transitions and tremendous dialogue. Here are some thoughts I have:
"...pool balls in a fast break." I got confused when I first read this, thinking about swimming pools. Do you think that "billiard balls" might work to lessen this confusion?
"This might be a good time to tell Emma and I about what happened back there that made you decide to leave Jim Norris behind," Sorry for the ridiculously tiny comment: I believe the correct English is "Emma and me..."
I like the "snap back to reality" reference to the Volleyball game, and the agnostic reference. And then the
Chapter ends with the cat apparently detecting something fishy at good ol' 3AM.
Super chapter Bev. Especially the dialogue. Some parts are fuzzy in this old man's head. I will go backwards and read about the things the men tell Mia. It's all good; keep going TC!
Tom C.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Thank you so much, Tom C. Your encouragement means a lot to me as does your support and interest in my book. Your suggestions for changes are perfect; and I will definitely go in and do that today. Thanks for the specific details on what is working for you...that is so helpful! You are a great guy...XX Bev
Comment from psalmist
Great cliff-hanger ending on this chapter. Certainly makes me anxious for the next chapter. Even though I have not read the beginning chapters of this, I am beginning to know the characters through your words as you make them come alive on the page. Linda
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Great cliff-hanger ending on this chapter. Certainly makes me anxious for the next chapter. Even though I have not read the beginning chapters of this, I am beginning to know the characters through your words as you make them come alive on the page. Linda
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Hi, Linda. Thanks so much for letting me know what you felt worked with the chapter. I really appreciate the perspective and encouragement. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from robina1978
Lovely artwork and many thanks for your foot note. Needed it by now. Forgot some somehow.
And of course this proves difficult. Can understand that Emma with her different background wants to hook off.
But in books there usually is a solution to everything.
Wonder what is happening this night.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Lovely artwork and many thanks for your foot note. Needed it by now. Forgot some somehow.
And of course this proves difficult. Can understand that Emma with her different background wants to hook off.
But in books there usually is a solution to everything.
Wonder what is happening this night.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2011
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Thanks, Ine. I appreciate you stopping by to offer your support and encouragements. It means a lot to me. Kind regards, Bev
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welcome Bev
Comment from IndianaIrish
Bev, this is one great chapter. Your author's notes were very helpful and I plan on looking up the link. You do such a great job with the characters, and I love the hook at the end of your chapters...it really makes me want to turn the page!
Karyn :>)
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Bev, this is one great chapter. Your author's notes were very helpful and I plan on looking up the link. You do such a great job with the characters, and I love the hook at the end of your chapters...it really makes me want to turn the page!
Karyn :>)
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Thank you so much for your generous and supportive words here, Karyn. You are so kind to follow along on my adventures with the Team. Bright blessings, Bev
