What Happened to Common Sense
Just a short rant about one of life's experiences67 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Bill,
I wonder if Bader was telling you the truth? The ending gave me pause when you wrote "the little punk wanted to say home!" I hear a lot about bulling in the schools and think something should be done about it. You have written your rant well and I enjoyed it.....chey
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
  |
Hi Bill,
I wonder if Bader was telling you the truth? The ending gave me pause when you wrote "the little punk wanted to say home!" I hear a lot about bulling in the schools and think something should be done about it. You have written your rant well and I enjoyed it.....chey
Comment Written 21-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Thanks Chey. Bader was telling the truth, I just think the rascal wanted some more vacation time! Thanks for reading. Bill
Comment from Carolyn 12
Your story is filled with care and understanding for your fellow neighbors. You gave a wonderful description of your neighborhood and Bader sounds like a great kid. With the last line I do have to wonder how much of his story told to you was true. Or, the (Gee thanks) a way of saying he dreads returning to school to be picked on again.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
|
Your story is filled with care and understanding for your fellow neighbors. You gave a wonderful description of your neighborhood and Bader sounds like a great kid. With the last line I do have to wonder how much of his story told to you was true. Or, the (Gee thanks) a way of saying he dreads returning to school to be picked on again.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Thanks Carolyn - with Bader, I think he was looking forward to extra vacation. He is a good kid. Bill
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, bill, a great job writing this story about the cute kid that got suspended for taking care of his family, a sad problem for him to take the blame for others actions. a woman in our city, a few days after 9-11 happened was working outside in her garden when some boys drove up and started calling her names and throwing rocks and bottles at her. she wasn't even muslim, she was japanese.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
|
this is very well written, bill, a great job writing this story about the cute kid that got suspended for taking care of his family, a sad problem for him to take the blame for others actions. a woman in our city, a few days after 9-11 happened was working outside in her garden when some boys drove up and started calling her names and throwing rocks and bottles at her. she wasn't even muslim, she was japanese.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Hi Pam - thanks for reading and for sharing your story. America is a country that was built on diversity. I hope we don't stray too far. Bill
Comment from Veekz
Sadly, this is the case in so many schools - here in NZ bullying is a huge issue and one schools are struggling with. I myself was bullied and remember getting the blame just as much as the instigator, although I had done nothing except retaliate when they had started hitting me.
I like the way you have presented your piece and how you introduce Bader to your readers. It sets it up nicely for the remainder of the tale.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
|
Sadly, this is the case in so many schools - here in NZ bullying is a huge issue and one schools are struggling with. I myself was bullied and remember getting the blame just as much as the instigator, although I had done nothing except retaliate when they had started hitting me.
I like the way you have presented your piece and how you introduce Bader to your readers. It sets it up nicely for the remainder of the tale.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Thank you for reading and the kind feedback. I actually wrote another story before about bullying. It is a problem in the schools here as well.
Comment from Serri
A very good subject to vent on. I like how you weaved your story throughout with present/past events, linking them together to make a point. Short, complete sentences with meaning also make a nice read for me. Description and dialogue also gave meaning to your story, making it realistic to me which is what I would want in a "life experience" story about common sense (which by the way is one of my biggest pet peeves). The choosing of words like wrestled, glued to the TV, clobbered, made sense, condone, zero tolerance..etc..helped make your story both past and present, letting me feel how your need to "vent" happened over time.
Nice the way you pulled all your characters together, too, last sentence was perfect for Bader. Can't find anything to correct! Blessings, Serri
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
|
A very good subject to vent on. I like how you weaved your story throughout with present/past events, linking them together to make a point. Short, complete sentences with meaning also make a nice read for me. Description and dialogue also gave meaning to your story, making it realistic to me which is what I would want in a "life experience" story about common sense (which by the way is one of my biggest pet peeves). The choosing of words like wrestled, glued to the TV, clobbered, made sense, condone, zero tolerance..etc..helped make your story both past and present, letting me feel how your need to "vent" happened over time.
Nice the way you pulled all your characters together, too, last sentence was perfect for Bader. Can't find anything to correct! Blessings, Serri
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Thank you Serri -- first for reading and then for your very kind review and feedback. Bill
-
:)
Comment from Van
Loved the story. Life in motion. What started out as a Reader's Digest story drifted into something else for me though. If I might make a tiny suggestion. Pick a different descriptor other than 'mental masturbation'. Reading along at a pace fast enough to digest it all but not quite see ahead caught me by surprise. It seemed out of place. And the other one, I would change is the descriptor you use for Bader at the end...I'm guessing you meant it in an affectionate way. "little punk" seemed kind of harsh after you'd painted him as an endearing little boy who sticks up for his sister's honor.
Thanks for the read.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
|
Loved the story. Life in motion. What started out as a Reader's Digest story drifted into something else for me though. If I might make a tiny suggestion. Pick a different descriptor other than 'mental masturbation'. Reading along at a pace fast enough to digest it all but not quite see ahead caught me by surprise. It seemed out of place. And the other one, I would change is the descriptor you use for Bader at the end...I'm guessing you meant it in an affectionate way. "little punk" seemed kind of harsh after you'd painted him as an endearing little boy who sticks up for his sister's honor.
Thanks for the read.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Thanks for reading Van. I'll definitely take a look at the two areas you mentioned. I see your point. Bill
Comment from Rama Rao
Good to see you after a break. The account was nice, but suspension for two days or two weeks is still the same. The boy should have been exonerated for defending the honor of his sister. It's a matter of principle.
You resolved the story in a different manner. The punk wanted to stay home and avoid an issue. You also avoided the issue.
Nice piece which held me riveted.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
|
Good to see you after a break. The account was nice, but suspension for two days or two weeks is still the same. The boy should have been exonerated for defending the honor of his sister. It's a matter of principle.
You resolved the story in a different manner. The punk wanted to stay home and avoid an issue. You also avoided the issue.
Nice piece which held me riveted.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Thanks RR - glad to see you back. You're right, of course, but here in the United States, petty beaurecrats will never totally admit they were wrong. In Bader's case, I don't think he was avoiding the issue ... he just wanted more vacaction time. Bill
Comment from MelissaBickel
I think it was a fantastic thing to do. While we suffered a huge shock September 11th, America showed their ugly side too( I not trying to ugly) I mean I heard all kinds of things like annihilate them all, wives, children and so on. Muslims were being beat up, even the women in America...
The thing is, I agree with your statements, bullying should not be tolerated regardless of who or what you are.
Loved your rant, essay, thoughts.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
|
I think it was a fantastic thing to do. While we suffered a huge shock September 11th, America showed their ugly side too( I not trying to ugly) I mean I heard all kinds of things like annihilate them all, wives, children and so on. Muslims were being beat up, even the women in America...
The thing is, I agree with your statements, bullying should not be tolerated regardless of who or what you are.
Loved your rant, essay, thoughts.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Thanks Melissa - both for reviewing and your kind review. Bill
Comment from eclecticjules
I love your writing! What a fine tale you weave. I am an English teacher at a vocational college and seeing well written sentences with depth and feeling is a rarity. With that being said, I thought your story was compelling and the perfect length to get your point across. My favorite phrase, that I can't wait to use in conversation, was your reference to "mental masturbation". I also loved the sudden change of perspective in the final sentence that ends the story with such a punch, the use of "little punk" was both shocking and humorous. Well done!
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
|
I love your writing! What a fine tale you weave. I am an English teacher at a vocational college and seeing well written sentences with depth and feeling is a rarity. With that being said, I thought your story was compelling and the perfect length to get your point across. My favorite phrase, that I can't wait to use in conversation, was your reference to "mental masturbation". I also loved the sudden change of perspective in the final sentence that ends the story with such a punch, the use of "little punk" was both shocking and humorous. Well done!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Thank you very much - both for reading and your kind feedback. It's funny, but the two things you mentioned that you enjoyed, others have said I should re-think. Oh well, there are at least two of us who like them. They were both done for effect. Regards, Bill
Comment from bowls
This is just a gem of a little rant. I like the way you used an event in your current life and one from your past together to make a point. What you have to say makes perfect sense, and good for you taking the initiative to bring the whole situation to the school's attention. The closing is priceless! Very well written. Just one little typo: "when he get's home" should be "gets".
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
|
This is just a gem of a little rant. I like the way you used an event in your current life and one from your past together to make a point. What you have to say makes perfect sense, and good for you taking the initiative to bring the whole situation to the school's attention. The closing is priceless! Very well written. Just one little typo: "when he get's home" should be "gets".
Comment Written 20-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2011
-
Thanks bowls - I always smile when you drop by. Thanks for the spot. Regards, Bill
