Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "The Tempest Stirs"Case Studies of Hauntings
42 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I don't remember reading the first version, but do find this to be very well done, my friend. Well written and interesting as your work always is~Debbie
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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I don't remember reading the first version, but do find this to be very well done, my friend. Well written and interesting as your work always is~Debbie
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Hi, Debbie. Thanks for taking time to read this chapter. I really appreciate your supportive insights. Happy Halloween!
:) Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
Well, I'm glad to see another chapter in this riveting tale, although I think I might have nightmares over that scene with the dog! I seem to have become highly sensitive to the scary stuff this past year, and Bev, it does NOT get any scarier than this story!
Great timing, with Halloween tonight....(yikes!) LOL.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Well, I'm glad to see another chapter in this riveting tale, although I think I might have nightmares over that scene with the dog! I seem to have become highly sensitive to the scary stuff this past year, and Bev, it does NOT get any scarier than this story!
Great timing, with Halloween tonight....(yikes!) LOL.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Thanks so much, Dawn. I'm so glad you enjoyed (sort of LOL) my scary post. You know, I'm becoming a bit more sensitive to these kinds of things, too. The Wall Street Journal did an interesting article today on the vast interest in the paranormal, particularly its demonic aspect. I learned that Pope Francis, who I absolutely love, is encouraging priests to get up to speed on exorcisms. The previous pope sort of started that ball rolling, but what I didn't know is the current pope is following his Jesuit roots and its belief in Satan. An interesting fact I read is the largest number of church-acknowledged possessions take place in Italy. Now that makes sense if you see Satan as an in-your-face entity. Anywho, always good to hear from you. I can always count on you to be forthright and supportive, Dawn.
Hugs, Bev
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Oh Bev, I'm a little worried - do be careful, yes?
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My faith is a solid source of comfort for me, Dawn. I call in the energy of St. Michael and St. Benedict to guard and watch over me. Thanks for caring, my kind-hearted friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Shirley McLain
Very good chapter. Lots of tension and action which kept me reading to the last word. I like the storyline and the characters. Dialogue was appropriate. I didn't see any spag. Great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Very good chapter. Lots of tension and action which kept me reading to the last word. I like the storyline and the characters. Dialogue was appropriate. I didn't see any spag. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Hi, Shirley. Thanks for your great review. I appreciate you taking time to read the chapter and offer your insights.
Happy Halloween!
:) Bev
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is an interesting supernatural story from the author. This is something that humans have pondered for thousands of years. Well done.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is an interesting supernatural story from the author. This is something that humans have pondered for thousands of years. Well done.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Thank you very much Tomes. I appreciate the support.
:) Bev
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My pleasure.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Yikes! I hope that bite doesn't turn Jim into a werewolf.
Great descriptions of the attack and then the dog being killed - I wish I had a six it so deserves - here's a ten
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covering up what happened here tonight.(")
"First, tell me are Mia and Emma okay?"- sounds strange -
"First, tell me ... are Mia and Emma - just a suggestion!!
I also think it's time (to) involve the local sheriff."
Most impressive, Bev - so intriguing.
Margaret
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Yikes! I hope that bite doesn't turn Jim into a werewolf.
Great descriptions of the attack and then the dog being killed - I wish I had a six it so deserves - here's a ten
***********
covering up what happened here tonight.(")
"First, tell me are Mia and Emma okay?"- sounds strange -
"First, tell me ... are Mia and Emma - just a suggestion!!
I also think it's time (to) involve the local sheriff."
Most impressive, Bev - so intriguing.
Margaret
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Hi, Margaret. Thank you so much for great review. I knew that sentence didn't sound just right. So glad you could see what I couldn't. Good eye!!
:) Bev
Comment from Zue65
The intensity of heat and tension is evident in this post which made this post very interesting and exciting. Ghost hunting used to be interesting stories to me. But when i met Jesus, I am more interested now in more positive stories. But you have gift as a prose writer. God bless you.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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The intensity of heat and tension is evident in this post which made this post very interesting and exciting. Ghost hunting used to be interesting stories to me. But when i met Jesus, I am more interested now in more positive stories. But you have gift as a prose writer. God bless you.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Thanks so much, Nassus. I appreciate you taking time to read and review. The support is appreciated.
:) Bev
Comment from Jay Squires
I was wondering what happened to this story, Bev. I had to assume you got cold on it--and yet it's a repost.
Anywhooooo, this was a superb chapter. I think better than the others I've read, mainly because of the actual contact with the ghost. Most the other times it was indirect, in that we found what happened to the character without being shown it. I don't mean that as a "show/tell" criticism. It's in the development of the storyline. I just like where you've taken it now.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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I was wondering what happened to this story, Bev. I had to assume you got cold on it--and yet it's a repost.
Anywhooooo, this was a superb chapter. I think better than the others I've read, mainly because of the actual contact with the ghost. Most the other times it was indirect, in that we found what happened to the character without being shown it. I don't mean that as a "show/tell" criticism. It's in the development of the storyline. I just like where you've taken it now.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Hi, Jay. I realized recently that I'd let a few too many projects die in the water. So, I've made a new promise to myself not to start anythingn I'm not willing to finish. Besides, I like the characters and the theme is always fascinating to me. I've about seven more to re-post and then new ones. And you are right about this chapter having a more personal feel to it.
Appreciate the support and encouragement.
:) Bev
Comment from chasennov
The Ghost Hunters encounter a potential ally Paranormal Adventures The Tempest Stirs.' I have not read one of your excellent chapters on the paranormal for quite a while, Bev, but found it as good as ever. Very well done.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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The Ghost Hunters encounter a potential ally Paranormal Adventures The Tempest Stirs.' I have not read one of your excellent chapters on the paranormal for quite a while, Bev, but found it as good as ever. Very well done.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Thanks, C. I appreciate the great review. I do love writing about the paranormal for a lot of reasons, but mostly 'cause it's fun!
Thanks for the support and encouragement.
:) Bev
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You are most welcome, Bev.
Comment from Joan E.
You selected a neat artwork by Angelheart to introduce this chapter. You certainly did capture a "twisted show" with your vivid description. I was surprised when the contractor wanted no hospital or police involvement, but I understood his conclusions. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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You selected a neat artwork by Angelheart to introduce this chapter. You certainly did capture a "twisted show" with your vivid description. I was surprised when the contractor wanted no hospital or police involvement, but I understood his conclusions. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 31-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Thanks so much, Joan. I've used so much of Angelheart's works for this and other novels. What a great artist she is, and a very nice. When she has time, she actually reads the accompanying posts and comments on them. Have a good weekend!
Hugs, Bev
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I'm glad you admire Angelheart's artwork as much as I do. Hugs and happy All Hallows' Eve- Joan
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Thanks, Joan. Happy All-Hollow's eve as well.
:) Bev
Comment from rama devi
Hi, dear friend.
Great chapter--riveting intensity. Fine descriptive detail and good swift pacing (mostly). I've a handful of suggestions for improvement, but as almost all of them are option, not corrections, no stars deducted. It's an engaging read. Excellent characterization and deep POV. Dialog sounds true to life too. The imagery is well depicted. I recommend inserting a simile or two to further enhance the read (optional).
Specific NOTES:
*suggest deleting both commas here:
Outrage churned in Mike's gut, like the center of a whirlpool, as he watched Luke's radial transceiver melt into a twisted heap on the floor.
*Consider using a comma here instead of a dash (optional):
Mike dropped his arm and stepped closer--utterly confused by what he was seeing.
* Consider making this two sentences:
The dog howled his rage, and Mike clearly heard the crunch of his breaking bones.
*It whimpered briefly then went silent.
It whimpered briefly, and then went silent.
*
The mass grew brighter, changed directions and swiftly approached the paranormal investigator.
Can you find a stronger descriptive verb so the adverb can be trimmed? Examples:
The mass grew brighter, changed directions and bee-lined toward the paranormal investigator.
The mass grew brighter, changed directions and flew at the paranormal investigator.
The mass grew brighter, changed directions and zoomed toward the paranormal investigator.
*
Just then, Luke came through the door at top speed and stopped just short of where the two men huddled. He studied them a moment then snapped his gaze in the direction of the dead dog.
"I don't know what I expected to find," he said, "but it looks like you two had yourselves a wicked time."
The dialog should be in the preceding paragraph.
Just then, Luke came through the door at top speed and stopped just short of where the two men huddled. He studied them a moment then snapped his gaze in the direction of the dead dog. "I don't know what I expected to find," he said, "but it looks like you two had yourselves a wicked time."
* Turning his attention to the injured man, Mike said, "While I put together a tourniquet for Jim, check on the caretaker. There was enough racket in here to wake a whole graveyard, and he hasn't appeared to move a muscle. Make sure he's still breathing, will you? And tie his hands and feet." Pointing to the animal, he continued, "That's his creepy, and thoroughly dead, wolfhound over there. If he wakes up and sees him like that, he'll go ballistic."
I suggest trimming this section by removing speech tags, as the action tags suffice:
Mike turned his attention to the injured man. "While I put together a tourniquet for Jim, check on the caretaker. There was enough racket in here to wake a whole graveyard, and he hasn't appeared to move a muscle. Make sure he's still breathing, will you? And tie his hands and feet." He pointed to the animal. "That's his creepy, and thoroughly dead, wolfhound over there. If he wakes up and sees him like that, he'll go ballistic."
* Consider replacing speech tag with action tag here:
"Emma's bruised up a bit, but nothing serious as far as we can tell," Luke said. "The girls encountered a very nasty entity upstairs and are more than ready to wrap up tonight's investigation."
*
"That's what I'm saying, young man. Our sheriff has a great deal of money which (THAT instead of which, or add comma) he takes every opportunity to flaunt in public.
*use just action tag:
Jabbing a finger in Mike's direction for emphasis, he continued, "and when I get solid proof of that, I intend to cut the heads off those two snakes!"
He jabbed a finger in Mike's direction for emphasis. "And when I get solid proof of that, I intend to cut the heads off those two snakes!"
Lots of Love,
rd
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Hi, dear friend.
Great chapter--riveting intensity. Fine descriptive detail and good swift pacing (mostly). I've a handful of suggestions for improvement, but as almost all of them are option, not corrections, no stars deducted. It's an engaging read. Excellent characterization and deep POV. Dialog sounds true to life too. The imagery is well depicted. I recommend inserting a simile or two to further enhance the read (optional).
Specific NOTES:
*suggest deleting both commas here:
Outrage churned in Mike's gut, like the center of a whirlpool, as he watched Luke's radial transceiver melt into a twisted heap on the floor.
*Consider using a comma here instead of a dash (optional):
Mike dropped his arm and stepped closer--utterly confused by what he was seeing.
* Consider making this two sentences:
The dog howled his rage, and Mike clearly heard the crunch of his breaking bones.
*It whimpered briefly then went silent.
It whimpered briefly, and then went silent.
*
The mass grew brighter, changed directions and swiftly approached the paranormal investigator.
Can you find a stronger descriptive verb so the adverb can be trimmed? Examples:
The mass grew brighter, changed directions and bee-lined toward the paranormal investigator.
The mass grew brighter, changed directions and flew at the paranormal investigator.
The mass grew brighter, changed directions and zoomed toward the paranormal investigator.
*
Just then, Luke came through the door at top speed and stopped just short of where the two men huddled. He studied them a moment then snapped his gaze in the direction of the dead dog.
"I don't know what I expected to find," he said, "but it looks like you two had yourselves a wicked time."
The dialog should be in the preceding paragraph.
Just then, Luke came through the door at top speed and stopped just short of where the two men huddled. He studied them a moment then snapped his gaze in the direction of the dead dog. "I don't know what I expected to find," he said, "but it looks like you two had yourselves a wicked time."
* Turning his attention to the injured man, Mike said, "While I put together a tourniquet for Jim, check on the caretaker. There was enough racket in here to wake a whole graveyard, and he hasn't appeared to move a muscle. Make sure he's still breathing, will you? And tie his hands and feet." Pointing to the animal, he continued, "That's his creepy, and thoroughly dead, wolfhound over there. If he wakes up and sees him like that, he'll go ballistic."
I suggest trimming this section by removing speech tags, as the action tags suffice:
Mike turned his attention to the injured man. "While I put together a tourniquet for Jim, check on the caretaker. There was enough racket in here to wake a whole graveyard, and he hasn't appeared to move a muscle. Make sure he's still breathing, will you? And tie his hands and feet." He pointed to the animal. "That's his creepy, and thoroughly dead, wolfhound over there. If he wakes up and sees him like that, he'll go ballistic."
* Consider replacing speech tag with action tag here:
"Emma's bruised up a bit, but nothing serious as far as we can tell," Luke said. "The girls encountered a very nasty entity upstairs and are more than ready to wrap up tonight's investigation."
*
"That's what I'm saying, young man. Our sheriff has a great deal of money which (THAT instead of which, or add comma) he takes every opportunity to flaunt in public.
*use just action tag:
Jabbing a finger in Mike's direction for emphasis, he continued, "and when I get solid proof of that, I intend to cut the heads off those two snakes!"
He jabbed a finger in Mike's direction for emphasis. "And when I get solid proof of that, I intend to cut the heads off those two snakes!"
Lots of Love,
rd
Comment Written 30-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2015
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Hi, Rama. Thanks for the extensive review and assistance. As always, your suggested changes do help the story flow better. I appreciate, once again, your insights and encouragement!
Hugs, Bev
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Thanks, dear Bev. Hugs and Love! rd
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You're welcome, my friend.
XoX Bev
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~*~ ::: ((( xxoo ))) ::: ~*~
