peace
this is about how people mistake silence for peace2 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Warm welcome to FS, pummy Sharma.
Nice imagery and tone.
The problem is that this has too many syllables in the lines, as this contest requires 5-7-5 syllable structure. Five in first, seven in second and five syllables again in third line.
Here is a revision suggestion based on the above and moving second line to third.
'twas silence, not peace;
never a smooth flowing breeze--
wind cooling my heart
Also, you have a white font on light background, so the poem does not show up. I copied the text adn pasted in this review box--otherwise, no one can read it. So I humble suggest you use a darker font.
Namaste,
rd
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Warm welcome to FS, pummy Sharma.
Nice imagery and tone.
The problem is that this has too many syllables in the lines, as this contest requires 5-7-5 syllable structure. Five in first, seven in second and five syllables again in third line.
Here is a revision suggestion based on the above and moving second line to third.
'twas silence, not peace;
never a smooth flowing breeze--
wind cooling my heart
Also, you have a white font on light background, so the poem does not show up. I copied the text adn pasted in this review box--otherwise, no one can read it. So I humble suggest you use a darker font.
Namaste,
rd
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Quick go to edit and change your type color. You can not read this and it will not win as is. Otherwise a good piece with great vocabulary and idea. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Quick go to edit and change your type color. You can not read this and it will not win as is. Otherwise a good piece with great vocabulary and idea. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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thanks kiwi.
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you did not listen or do you not know how to change the font color?
