Fear Found Her
A flash fiction contest entry23 total reviews
Comment from Readywriter52
It is very difficult to deal with a drunk husband. I think her mother should have been more understanding. When someone is in love there is a tendency to overlook the obvious.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011
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It is very difficult to deal with a drunk husband. I think her mother should have been more understanding. When someone is in love there is a tendency to overlook the obvious.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the mant stars.
Comment from Terror2s
This was good. I particularly liked your last line. You could have described his appearsnce a little better at the end. T2
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011
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This was good. I particularly liked your last line. You could have described his appearsnce a little better at the end. T2
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011
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Thanks for the feedback and the many stars.
Comment from more2write
This is a well written and paced story. It is unsettling, as you have planned. My only issue is that I'm not sure if the required 8 out of the 10 mandatory words for this contest were used. It would be helpful in the author comments to include them so that readers don't have to go back to verify or second guess. All the best, more2write
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011
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This is a well written and paced story. It is unsettling, as you have planned. My only issue is that I'm not sure if the required 8 out of the 10 mandatory words for this contest were used. It would be helpful in the author comments to include them so that readers don't have to go back to verify or second guess. All the best, more2write
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the feedback and the many stars.
Comment from bard owl
This is one of those tense nail-biters that fills the reader with dread. Kind of a cross between Stephen King and Alfred Hitchcock. You did a very good job of building tension. And the ending! She was more generous with that brut than I would have been. I would have let him freeze. Excellent read. Best of luck in the contest with this horrifying entry. Every woman's nightmare! Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011
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This is one of those tense nail-biters that fills the reader with dread. Kind of a cross between Stephen King and Alfred Hitchcock. You did a very good job of building tension. And the ending! She was more generous with that brut than I would have been. I would have let him freeze. Excellent read. Best of luck in the contest with this horrifying entry. Every woman's nightmare! Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 09-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars.
Comment from dbmccarter
I had to read all the way to the end. I really like that she didn't let him die or kill him. It was suspenseful and move at a good pace.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2011
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I had to read all the way to the end. I really like that she didn't let him die or kill him. It was suspenseful and move at a good pace.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. i appreciate the many stars.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You did a good job and yes divorce is better than jail.
, "you are rushing into this, wait, get to know each other." (capital 'y' on you)
"That's my girl." Paul said as he squeezed her shoulder just a little too hard. (coomma after girl)
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2011
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You did a good job and yes divorce is better than jail.
, "you are rushing into this, wait, get to know each other." (capital 'y' on you)
"That's my girl." Paul said as he squeezed her shoulder just a little too hard. (coomma after girl)
Comment Written 27-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciatye the feedback and the many stars.
Comment from WilliamDeen
This was a well written piece. It has good and believable characters. You could use some more dialogue. The dialogue that is here is believable and interesting.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2011
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This was a well written piece. It has good and believable characters. You could use some more dialogue. The dialogue that is here is believable and interesting.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback and the many stars.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
I'd have started with part three and pulled in information from the other two parts as Anna waits in bed. Some sort of repetition - checking the time on the bedside clock, for example - would heighten the tension. If you want to get really intense, write this first person, present tense. Then Anna's fear will become yours - and the reader's. Good luck. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2011
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I'd have started with part three and pulled in information from the other two parts as Anna waits in bed. Some sort of repetition - checking the time on the bedside clock, for example - would heighten the tension. If you want to get really intense, write this first person, present tense. Then Anna's fear will become yours - and the reader's. Good luck. :) Nancy
Comment Written 27-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback and the many stars
Comment from Lois Delaney
I think you did really great, eliz. You kept my interest up right until the end. And I loved the ending. Yes, divorce is better than jail.
In the first paragraph, you need to cut out some words. These words are called redundant. Repetition in other words. -tentacles of fear-
It's hard to cut words when writing. Especially at first or as a beginner. You are doing a great job painting the scene. Just learn to cut. Lois
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2011
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I think you did really great, eliz. You kept my interest up right until the end. And I loved the ending. Yes, divorce is better than jail.
In the first paragraph, you need to cut out some words. These words are called redundant. Repetition in other words. -tentacles of fear-
It's hard to cut words when writing. Especially at first or as a beginner. You are doing a great job painting the scene. Just learn to cut. Lois
Comment Written 27-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, eliz, a great job writing this flash fiction story, full of imagery and emotion, violent fear came shining through, one spag, should be green army blanket, not blanke, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2011
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this is very well written, eliz, a great job writing this flash fiction story, full of imagery and emotion, violent fear came shining through, one spag, should be green army blanket, not blanke, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars.
