Comment from Woody1995

Excellent

I like your use of the word "bruised". You could have used "shattered", but bruised seems less damaging and the family unit will recover.
Woody

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 05-Sep-2011

Never thought of that. But I had a syllable count to stick to so I couldn't use shattered even if I wanted to. Thanks for the review.

Comment from pasinger

Excellent

Criteria has been met for the entry.
The first word does its job and grabs the attention of the reader.
You see even in so few words you can have an introduction, main body, and conclusion to a poem giving it logical development.
Well written, will be a good entry.
Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2011

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2011

Thanks for the positive feedback

Comment from mumsyone

Excellent

A good 5-7-5 poem, but your titles don't match: Sirens vs Burned. One or the other would be better. Nice to hear (in your poem) that the family units were not beyond repair.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2011

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2011

I have to agree on the title. I didn't have one on the original because I originally thought of a house on fire but than it could be police sirens to arrest a family member. That was an afterthought. So I would need something the lends ambiguity to the poem. Thanks for the suggestion.

Comment from manicblue

Good

This paints a nice picture of a fire that didn't end in tragedy. It meets the 5/7/5 syllable criteria. I was wondering, though, about the title being 'Sirens', but you put the word 'Burned' before the poem.

Please take care and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2011

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2011

I agree on the title. Not necessarily the best choice. Thanks for the review.