Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Under Fire"Case Studies of Hauntings
57 total reviews
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is quite an interesting addition to the story that the author has created with this piece of work. These paranormal adventures are a little bit like the X-Files and I loved that show. Good work.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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This is quite an interesting addition to the story that the author has created with this piece of work. These paranormal adventures are a little bit like the X-Files and I loved that show. Good work.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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I loved that show, as well, Tomes. Thanks so much for reading and for the excellent review.
:) Bev
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My pleasure
Comment from chasennov
danger dogs the investigators. A chapter in the book Paranormal Adventures. Under Fire.' An excellent piece of work you have created here again. What can you say about good, solid work but; Well done, Bev.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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danger dogs the investigators. A chapter in the book Paranormal Adventures. Under Fire.' An excellent piece of work you have created here again. What can you say about good, solid work but; Well done, Bev.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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Hi, C. Thank you, my friend, for always being encouraging. I appreciate your support and generosity very much.
:) Bev
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You are always most welcome, Bev. keep well.
Comment from Jay Squires
The mystery deepens. Good suspense, tension.
A few small suggestions:
Mike circled her waist and forced her to the floor. [I'm having a little problem with getting the image right in my head. You made it sound like she broke free from Mike and entered the door. When you say, "Mike circled her waist and forced her to the floor."--do you mean he dragged her down to the floor? That would account for her rather abrupt "sitting down".]
"Then get us some light so we can assess Porters' condition," he added. [Bev, you've identified the speaker in the previous sentence you don't need "he added".]
Ah, the queen of cliffhangers. A good chapter, Bev. I think there's more to the story than Jim told!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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The mystery deepens. Good suspense, tension.
A few small suggestions:
Mike circled her waist and forced her to the floor. [I'm having a little problem with getting the image right in my head. You made it sound like she broke free from Mike and entered the door. When you say, "Mike circled her waist and forced her to the floor."--do you mean he dragged her down to the floor? That would account for her rather abrupt "sitting down".]
"Then get us some light so we can assess Porters' condition," he added. [Bev, you've identified the speaker in the previous sentence you don't need "he added".]
Ah, the queen of cliffhangers. A good chapter, Bev. I think there's more to the story than Jim told!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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Thanks for the suggestions and for the excellent review. Appreciate it!
:) Bev
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well, you've wet my appetite in this chapter so I think I will have to go backwards now to read up to it. Though I don't yet know the characters it kept me interested and on edge. A good read.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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Well, you've wet my appetite in this chapter so I think I will have to go backwards now to read up to it. Though I don't yet know the characters it kept me interested and on edge. A good read.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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Hi, Pearl. Great to hear from you. Thank you for your support and generous rating.
:) Bev
Comment from Connie C
Great use of dialogue, Bev, as always. And the chapter really moves right along, making the reader want more. I'm wondering if this is a revision of something I've read before, but I don't think so. You have such a great story-telling ability. I try to find a spag error or two just so I can offer some kind of constructive criticism, but I don't see any. Great job!
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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Great use of dialogue, Bev, as always. And the chapter really moves right along, making the reader want more. I'm wondering if this is a revision of something I've read before, but I don't think so. You have such a great story-telling ability. I try to find a spag error or two just so I can offer some kind of constructive criticism, but I don't see any. Great job!
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 08-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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Hi, Connie. Always great to hear from you, my friend. Thanks so much for your continued support and encouragement.
Means a lot to me!
Hugs, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
Did you post this before? It must have been long ago, before I joined FS. It's a fine action packed story. Your characters are well defined and dialogue runs smoothly. You don't give me much to criticize. LOL
However, in the following paragraph every sentence starts with an 'ing' word. You may want to restructure a bit.
Passing through he found himself standing on a short staircase. Leading the way, he descended the steps and came up against another door. Turning the knob, he found the door would only open a few inches. Peering through the bare space, Mike was able to make out a tall figure looking straight at him.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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Did you post this before? It must have been long ago, before I joined FS. It's a fine action packed story. Your characters are well defined and dialogue runs smoothly. You don't give me much to criticize. LOL
However, in the following paragraph every sentence starts with an 'ing' word. You may want to restructure a bit.
Passing through he found himself standing on a short staircase. Leading the way, he descended the steps and came up against another door. Turning the knob, he found the door would only open a few inches. Peering through the bare space, Mike was able to make out a tall figure looking straight at him.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015
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Ha, I got a little carried away I think. Thanks, Ellen, for the advice and support.
:) Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the group faces danger as Jenkins tried to blow them away with a shotgun but all is well......except for the radio bursting into flames which makes communication go kablooey
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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this is an excellent write, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the group faces danger as Jenkins tried to blow them away with a shotgun but all is well......except for the radio bursting into flames which makes communication go kablooey
Comment Written 08-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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Hi, Sweetwoodjax. Thanks so much for this excellent review. I appreciate your insights and your humor -- love that word kablooey :) Bev
Comment from Jackreese
I have not checked in on this one in a while. Great chapter that still kept my attention and pulled me in from start to finish. The storyline is intriguing and the characters are very enjoyable.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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I have not checked in on this one in a while. Great chapter that still kept my attention and pulled me in from start to finish. The storyline is intriguing and the characters are very enjoyable.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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Nice to see you back, J. Glad you found the chapter enjoyable. I really appreciate both your time and generosity!
:) Bev
Comment from Green Lake Girl
You do suspense very well, Bev. This chapter was full of it. The more I read this story the more I really connect with the MPS Team Members, and they're really in the soup now. My impression of this team is that they'll always do the right thing.
The Jim/Jenkins thing is strange. I don't trust either one of them. You portray them in a manner that leaves your reader wondering, which is one of your hallmark charactersitcs, Bev. Readers like to be challenged and try to second guess where the plot's headed. You're mighty skillful at that cat and mouse game!
A self-igniting cell phone puts the icing on the cake and leaves us with the mother of all cliff-hangers. Need I say it? Well done, my friend.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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You do suspense very well, Bev. This chapter was full of it. The more I read this story the more I really connect with the MPS Team Members, and they're really in the soup now. My impression of this team is that they'll always do the right thing.
The Jim/Jenkins thing is strange. I don't trust either one of them. You portray them in a manner that leaves your reader wondering, which is one of your hallmark charactersitcs, Bev. Readers like to be challenged and try to second guess where the plot's headed. You're mighty skillful at that cat and mouse game!
A self-igniting cell phone puts the icing on the cake and leaves us with the mother of all cliff-hangers. Need I say it? Well done, my friend.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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Hi, Marietta. Thank you so much for this awesome review. You are really most kind!
Thanks for letting me know what you liked in this chapter. It's always so good to get that kind of personal feedback. I do like my characters and am glad you feel you are getting to know them better.
I really appreciate your encouragement and support, my friend.
:) Bev
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You're welcome. 'Tis a great story!
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:))
Comment from kriver
Hi
Real good story.
There is a lot of tension building up.
Good story line that makes sense and carries through the chapter.
Good dialogue, character development,
and character interaction.
Excellent scene descriptions.
Generally a very good write
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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Hi
Real good story.
There is a lot of tension building up.
Good story line that makes sense and carries through the chapter.
Good dialogue, character development,
and character interaction.
Excellent scene descriptions.
Generally a very good write
Comment Written 08-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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Hi, kriver. Thank you for your encouragement and support. Glad you liked the chapter.
:) Bev
