Query Letter
I am attempting to query an agent.90 total reviews
Comment from Bayberry
This book sounds interesting the way you've presented it as a romance/government intrigue combo.
The only thing I really know about query letters is that they should be like flash fiction--cut out anything that's wordy and/or unnecessary.
Best wishes for success with you efforts to market this series. It sounds like a good one.
Re 4th paragraph: Each has a new hero and heroinestruggling through conflicts. (needs a space inserted after heroine)
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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This book sounds interesting the way you've presented it as a romance/government intrigue combo.
The only thing I really know about query letters is that they should be like flash fiction--cut out anything that's wordy and/or unnecessary.
Best wishes for success with you efforts to market this series. It sounds like a good one.
Re 4th paragraph: Each has a new hero and heroinestruggling through conflicts. (needs a space inserted after heroine)
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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I just changed that area and still messed up. Thank you for your encouragement.
Comment from Shirley McLain
I think you did a great job on your letter, just as you did on the book. I particullarly liked how you let the reader know why you are qualified to write this book.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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I think you did a great job on your letter, just as you did on the book. I particullarly liked how you let the reader know why you are qualified to write this book.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the encouragmente.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
While I have read more than one query letter I am no expert. Having said that, I think it important to give some details about the novel without revealing too much. I think you have done that and based on what you have written here I would buy the book. Someone, whose book I edited, told me an author has two chances to engage the reader. The title and the first line. Your title is intriguing and makes me want to know what is pretty about her little neck and how it impacts the story. Well done and good luck with your book....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Hi Barbara,
While I have read more than one query letter I am no expert. Having said that, I think it important to give some details about the novel without revealing too much. I think you have done that and based on what you have written here I would buy the book. Someone, whose book I edited, told me an author has two chances to engage the reader. The title and the first line. Your title is intriguing and makes me want to know what is pretty about her little neck and how it impacts the story. Well done and good luck with your book....blessings, chey
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragment.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
I think you have enough dettail in this succinct lettr to allow an agent to make a decision on about looking at some finished chapters.
I have a few specific comments, as follow:
1. [Her Pretty Little Neck[ explores that question, while the couple combats the infamous Vegas Drug Cartel throughout the 69,000 word novel. {I think you need to set off your title with italics to clearly show that it is the title. When you stat the fourth paragraph with the title, I stll hadn't identified it as the title. Maybe I'm just thick-headed, but it really did make me go back and read the first part of the letter again. Don't confuse an agent.}
2. He prides himself on being determined, levelheaded[,] and no-nonsense. {Delete comma before conjunction in a series.}
3. Dani's impulsiveness, youthfulness[,] and lack of understanding about how dangerous the drug cartels are cause her to be kidnapped and shot. {Same comma problem as in Item No. 2.}
Good luck with your query.
Roger
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Hi Barbara:)
I think you have enough dettail in this succinct lettr to allow an agent to make a decision on about looking at some finished chapters.
I have a few specific comments, as follow:
1. [Her Pretty Little Neck[ explores that question, while the couple combats the infamous Vegas Drug Cartel throughout the 69,000 word novel. {I think you need to set off your title with italics to clearly show that it is the title. When you stat the fourth paragraph with the title, I stll hadn't identified it as the title. Maybe I'm just thick-headed, but it really did make me go back and read the first part of the letter again. Don't confuse an agent.}
2. He prides himself on being determined, levelheaded[,] and no-nonsense. {Delete comma before conjunction in a series.}
3. Dani's impulsiveness, youthfulness[,] and lack of understanding about how dangerous the drug cartels are cause her to be kidnapped and shot. {Same comma problem as in Item No. 2.}
Good luck with your query.
Roger
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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In my copy I have the title in bold letters. Thank you for your help. My punctuation books says the comma should be there in both of those sentences. I have a feeling it's one of those things that it depends on the editor.
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New style books seem to delete the comma. before the conjunction in a a series of equal value. See: http://factoidz.com/rules-of-punctuation-the-comma-part-1-in-a-series/
All journalism style books eliminate such commas.
Roer
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I honestly believe when it comes to commas, there are certain rules to follow then there are the ones that is left up to the editor. I know is school, they still teach to put the comma there, because I am a teacher an in our English books it says to put it there.
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It doesn't bother mme, because it neither confuses or distracts.
I know my favorite English teacher in college always said, "Follow the rule, but when in doubt, leave it out."
Roger
Comment from Deejharrington
Good luck! I've sent a few query letters and they are so fussy about them, it's ridiculous! They certainly follow any polite protocol in responding to them. I wish you the best of luck.
deb
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Good luck! I've sent a few query letters and they are so fussy about them, it's ridiculous! They certainly follow any polite protocol in responding to them. I wish you the best of luck.
deb
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Thank you. I don't have a clue what I'm doing.
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I've read the books, too. Though I have noticed many more are accepting e-mail inqueries. You might want to check that out
deb
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The agent I am lookong at does not.
Comment from pickthorn
I have no expertise in this field of writing to a literary agent, promoting a novel or some other composition, but from reading your letter it seems very professional. It covers the points that needed to be addressed.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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I have no expertise in this field of writing to a literary agent, promoting a novel or some other composition, but from reading your letter it seems very professional. It covers the points that needed to be addressed.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragement.
Comment from Writeaway...
I hope you soon do get your book published, Barbara, it would be a terrific achivement. This is a cleverly constructed query, I'm sure a publisher would jump at it, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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I hope you soon do get your book published, Barbara, it would be a terrific achivement. This is a cleverly constructed query, I'm sure a publisher would jump at it, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
A query letter is a frightening thing to write. It's like laying open your soul to a complete stranger. Will they handle it with care, or trample it into the dirt? A good example, very well written.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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A query letter is a frightening thing to write. It's like laying open your soul to a complete stranger. Will they handle it with care, or trample it into the dirt? A good example, very well written.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragement.
Comment from Janie King
The letter is well-written and to the point. They shouldn't have any trouble understanding the theme of the book or the two main characters. Used to it was appropriate to attach a 2-3 page sample pages-something that let them get a feel of the actual writing. I'm not sure if that's still recommended. I'll be praying with you about it. God bless.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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The letter is well-written and to the point. They shouldn't have any trouble understanding the theme of the book or the two main characters. Used to it was appropriate to attach a 2-3 page sample pages-something that let them get a feel of the actual writing. I'm not sure if that's still recommended. I'll be praying with you about it. God bless.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragment.
Comment from jehanned
I really want to help, so don't see this as a negative commentary.
Ok, first issue I have read. If it prints out longer than a page, it is too long. This one does. The second thing I know- the less about you and larger focus on the book, the better.
That is until he meets the newly hired Danielle 'Dani' Harris, as their new computer geek. = should be "That is COMMA until he meets the newly hired Danielle 'Dani' Harris, THE new computer geek."
Her intelligence mixed with stubbornness = should be "Her intelligence COMMA mixed with stubbornness COMMA
This paragraph needs to be tightened up a lot.
Her Pretty Little Neck is a first novel that is completed and contains sixteen chapters. I have also completed three additional romance novels about Task Force 385. These novels are not about Matt and Dani. This couple makes cameo appearances, but each novel has a new hero and heroine with a new problem that needs to be resolved.
I would go with something like this--
Her Pretty Little Neck is a sixteen chapter, completed first novel. There are three additional, completed romance novels about Task Force 385. Each has a new hero and heroine struggling through conflicts.
Use this as your last paragraph, not a p.s.
Enclosed for your convenience is a postcard to request sample chapters or the complete manuscript. I appreciate your time and interest in my work. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.
Good luck in your endeavors! I hope this help.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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I really want to help, so don't see this as a negative commentary.
Ok, first issue I have read. If it prints out longer than a page, it is too long. This one does. The second thing I know- the less about you and larger focus on the book, the better.
That is until he meets the newly hired Danielle 'Dani' Harris, as their new computer geek. = should be "That is COMMA until he meets the newly hired Danielle 'Dani' Harris, THE new computer geek."
Her intelligence mixed with stubbornness = should be "Her intelligence COMMA mixed with stubbornness COMMA
This paragraph needs to be tightened up a lot.
Her Pretty Little Neck is a first novel that is completed and contains sixteen chapters. I have also completed three additional romance novels about Task Force 385. These novels are not about Matt and Dani. This couple makes cameo appearances, but each novel has a new hero and heroine with a new problem that needs to be resolved.
I would go with something like this--
Her Pretty Little Neck is a sixteen chapter, completed first novel. There are three additional, completed romance novels about Task Force 385. Each has a new hero and heroine struggling through conflicts.
Use this as your last paragraph, not a p.s.
Enclosed for your convenience is a postcard to request sample chapters or the complete manuscript. I appreciate your time and interest in my work. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.
Good luck in your endeavors! I hope this help.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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I stuggle with commas. I will see what I can do, thank you.
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Query letters are so nerve wracking, and so is the wait. I really hope this goes well for you!
