Query Letter
I am attempting to query an agent.90 total reviews
Comment from bkrighter
Barbara, I have never written a query letter and do not know how to judge this, though the excerpts below might be deterrents
Good luck.
Steve
That is until he meets the newly hired Danielle 'Dani' Harris, as their computer geek.
I am military spouse
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Barbara, I have never written a query letter and do not know how to judge this, though the excerpts below might be deterrents
Good luck.
Steve
That is until he meets the newly hired Danielle 'Dani' Harris, as their computer geek.
I am military spouse
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Showboat
Hey Barbara,
This is a very nicely crafted query. I have a couple of suggestions below:
Put the book title in italics.
..wisdom he's >gained< throughout the years.
How about:
..That is until he meets Danielle 'Dani' Harris, their newly hired computer geek...
I don't think you need the comma after... computer(,) as well as Matt's heart.
How about:
..Her combination of intelligence mixed with stubbornness...
Be sure to offer the word count as well as the number of chapters.
Series are always good because they show the publisher that you're not a 'one trick pony'.
While I would probably not mention your enjoyment in reading romance novels, per se, listing your experience is quite pertinant. If you decide to leave that sentence in, then take out reference to reading romance novels of all 'genres' as romance is a genre of its own.
Most pub sites will set out clear guidelines as to what they want in a submission and usually it's the first three chapters, unless they're very long. Also, with Romance, the pub often wants what they refer to as 'heat level' or rating, for lack of a better word. Be sure to check out what they want and be conversant. It shows you cared enough to check out what they want to publish.
Close with something like...Thank you in advance for your time and interest in this manuscript. I look forward to hearing from you.
Hope the above helped. Good'en, my friend. I wish you all the very best luck in publication and if you want a couple of names I happen to know about, pm me and I'll share.
And remember, the above are offered only as my personal preference and in no way suggest I am an expert in query writing, although I sure do get to see enough of them!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Hey Barbara,
This is a very nicely crafted query. I have a couple of suggestions below:
Put the book title in italics.
..wisdom he's >gained< throughout the years.
How about:
..That is until he meets Danielle 'Dani' Harris, their newly hired computer geek...
I don't think you need the comma after... computer(,) as well as Matt's heart.
How about:
..Her combination of intelligence mixed with stubbornness...
Be sure to offer the word count as well as the number of chapters.
Series are always good because they show the publisher that you're not a 'one trick pony'.
While I would probably not mention your enjoyment in reading romance novels, per se, listing your experience is quite pertinant. If you decide to leave that sentence in, then take out reference to reading romance novels of all 'genres' as romance is a genre of its own.
Most pub sites will set out clear guidelines as to what they want in a submission and usually it's the first three chapters, unless they're very long. Also, with Romance, the pub often wants what they refer to as 'heat level' or rating, for lack of a better word. Be sure to check out what they want and be conversant. It shows you cared enough to check out what they want to publish.
Close with something like...Thank you in advance for your time and interest in this manuscript. I look forward to hearing from you.
Hope the above helped. Good'en, my friend. I wish you all the very best luck in publication and if you want a couple of names I happen to know about, pm me and I'll share.
And remember, the above are offered only as my personal preference and in no way suggest I am an expert in query writing, although I sure do get to see enough of them!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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The two query books I purched from Writer's Digest said to put the book title in bold print. Thank you for your help I have made the changes. I always thourght there were numerous genres of romance under the heading of romance, for instance, historical, erotica, contemperay, etc.
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Well, admittedly, my experience with Romance is limited, but I do know that one of the criteria some pubs have, such as Resplendence and Elora's Cave have a certain minimal amount of sex required, and the hotter the better. Now, I can't write like that, so I don't know much about it. Now, when you talk about Historical Romance, the keyword is Historical and I don't think there's a sex requirement.
pm on the way! :)
Comment from Ure Connection
As this is a letter to an editor/publisher it is a little different for commenting on.
A couple of things I noted that I believe would be picked up on quickly.
1; he's gain(ed)
2; kidnapped and shot. Sounds like the end of the story at the begining of explaining it.
3; I am unsure wether the introduction should be a brief on the story or yourself.
As a publisher I would want to know something of an introduction about the writer before his/her work.
Aaron
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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As this is a letter to an editor/publisher it is a little different for commenting on.
A couple of things I noted that I believe would be picked up on quickly.
1; he's gain(ed)
2; kidnapped and shot. Sounds like the end of the story at the begining of explaining it.
3; I am unsure wether the introduction should be a brief on the story or yourself.
As a publisher I would want to know something of an introduction about the writer before his/her work.
Aaron
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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This is a letter to an agent. I followed two forms of query letters that were in two books I purchaced from Writer's digest. Your #2 & #3, I simpled followed there suggestion. I will correct #1. Thank you for catching it.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I hate letter writing, having
spent many many years as a
secretary...
I think you've made a good job here.
together(,) you get an
Incase you're interested, I ended my agent letters with
Thank you for your kind attention. Whatever the outcome of your scrutiny, your comments and advice would be greatly appreciated.
I've been shut out today, and have only just managed to come on site.... most strange.
Margaret
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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I hate letter writing, having
spent many many years as a
secretary...
I think you've made a good job here.
together(,) you get an
Incase you're interested, I ended my agent letters with
Thank you for your kind attention. Whatever the outcome of your scrutiny, your comments and advice would be greatly appreciated.
I've been shut out today, and have only just managed to come on site.... most strange.
Margaret
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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I think sometimes FS is off in certain parts of the US at different times, so I am sure it would affect the UK. I like your ending. I will change mine.
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Great. I'm that behind, I'll never catch up now. Margaret
Comment from Heyjoe
I never sat on the receiving end of one of these letters but this one seemed interesting enough that I think I would look at it.
A couple of thoughts - Why mention that it's a first novel? I can't see how that would help and it could make a busy reader stop right there.
The title should be in quotes. In the sentence where you give them the title, it looks like a part of the narrative and causes confusion.
Good luck on getting published.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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I never sat on the receiving end of one of these letters but this one seemed interesting enough that I think I would look at it.
A couple of thoughts - Why mention that it's a first novel? I can't see how that would help and it could make a busy reader stop right there.
The title should be in quotes. In the sentence where you give them the title, it looks like a part of the narrative and causes confusion.
Good luck on getting published.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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I have had an ongoing discussion today with another reviewer who said the title should be in italics. My two books on writting query letters say it should be bold, her books say italics. I am not even going to consider quotes. Thank you for your review.
Comment from dmjones
I'm not very good a query letters at all and I've studied them and in fact have samples on my computer. I afraid I won't be much help but this does seem to have all the elements of a good query letter. It captures your interest in a summary of the story and adds a little about why you wrote it. I think it's perfect.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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I'm not very good a query letters at all and I've studied them and in fact have samples on my computer. I afraid I won't be much help but this does seem to have all the elements of a good query letter. It captures your interest in a summary of the story and adds a little about why you wrote it. I think it's perfect.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragement.
Comment from GGatelock
I have little knowledge to give you tips on what would work on this query, but I wanted to read it anyway. The novel sounds fit for screen play. I do not know if that is what you were going for. Good luck! I wish you success! Your "About" box shows you are already there!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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I have little knowledge to give you tips on what would work on this query, but I wanted to read it anyway. The novel sounds fit for screen play. I do not know if that is what you were going for. Good luck! I wish you success! Your "About" box shows you are already there!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from misscookie
Oh how I remember those days. Many moons ago.
And I'm still not sure I know the correct way to write an
Query letter.
I think you did a great job.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Oh how I remember those days. Many moons ago.
And I'm still not sure I know the correct way to write an
Query letter.
I think you did a great job.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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Your very welcome.
Comment from Connie P
This makes me almost nervous with anticipation. The novel you're attempting to submit was apparently before my time here on FS ... maybe one day I'll get some extra time and go into your portfolio and read the Task Force novels I've missed. The way you describe 'Her Pretty Little Neck' makes me want to read it ... very well done!!!
I know nothing about query letters, but worked in commissioned sales for over twenty years. The only suggestion I have for this letter is to 'power up' the closing paragraph. The assumptive close, when done right, brings an element of confidence without arrogance and I think it would serve you well here.
As written: Please note on the enclosed postcard if you would like to see sample chapters or the complete manuscript. I appreciate your time and interest in my work. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.
My suggestion: Both sample chapters and the complete manuscript are available for your review. Please note your preference on the enclosed post card. I appreciate your time and look forward to working with you.
Of course the above is just a suggestion and may not be your style, but you know how important the closing paragraph can be. One way or the other, I'd leave out the 'Thank You' ... you've already expressed your appreciation.
GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK!!!!
Connie
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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This makes me almost nervous with anticipation. The novel you're attempting to submit was apparently before my time here on FS ... maybe one day I'll get some extra time and go into your portfolio and read the Task Force novels I've missed. The way you describe 'Her Pretty Little Neck' makes me want to read it ... very well done!!!
I know nothing about query letters, but worked in commissioned sales for over twenty years. The only suggestion I have for this letter is to 'power up' the closing paragraph. The assumptive close, when done right, brings an element of confidence without arrogance and I think it would serve you well here.
As written: Please note on the enclosed postcard if you would like to see sample chapters or the complete manuscript. I appreciate your time and interest in my work. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.
My suggestion: Both sample chapters and the complete manuscript are available for your review. Please note your preference on the enclosed post card. I appreciate your time and look forward to working with you.
Of course the above is just a suggestion and may not be your style, but you know how important the closing paragraph can be. One way or the other, I'd leave out the 'Thank You' ... you've already expressed your appreciation.
GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK!!!!
Connie
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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I like your suggestion. I am off to change it. Thank you.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Your summary should sell the novel at least enough to get a read. Two things to look at:
Each had a new hero-has
you have been recommended by two different sources-if you have names to drop, this is the place.
Well written and to the point. I'd want to look at a chapter and chapter outline.
Good luck! Nancy
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Your summary should sell the novel at least enough to get a read. Two things to look at:
Each had a new hero-has
you have been recommended by two different sources-if you have names to drop, this is the place.
Well written and to the point. I'd want to look at a chapter and chapter outline.
Good luck! Nancy
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragement.
