Query Letter
I am attempting to query an agent.90 total reviews
Comment from Brendastar
I think this is a very good query letter. You summarize the plot in the first paragraph, and introduce the main characters in the second, providing insights into their personalities that set up the conflict sure to follow.
Than you describe the physical book and the background that shows you have experience with military matters.
My suggestions have to do with editing.
I'd put a comma after "boundaries" in the first paragraph.
In the 2nd paragraph, I'd reword the sentence explaining who the computer person is:
"That is, until he meets Danielle (Dani)Harris, their new computer geek."
In the 3rd paragraph, I'd put a two commas in the second sentence: Her intelligence, mixed with stubbornness,...
I wish you the best of luck!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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I think this is a very good query letter. You summarize the plot in the first paragraph, and introduce the main characters in the second, providing insights into their personalities that set up the conflict sure to follow.
Than you describe the physical book and the background that shows you have experience with military matters.
My suggestions have to do with editing.
I'd put a comma after "boundaries" in the first paragraph.
In the 2nd paragraph, I'd reword the sentence explaining who the computer person is:
"That is, until he meets Danielle (Dani)Harris, their new computer geek."
In the 3rd paragraph, I'd put a two commas in the second sentence: Her intelligence, mixed with stubbornness,...
I wish you the best of luck!
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragement and I will look at those areas of concern.
Comment from dbmccarter
I am not an editor and have no experience with this kind of thing. However, the letter made me want to read the book and maybe it would an editor also.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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I am not an editor and have no experience with this kind of thing. However, the letter made me want to read the book and maybe it would an editor also.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragement.
Comment from denhagan
This is an interesting Query letter to an agent by the author attempting to get an agent's interest and opinion on her book, Her Pretty Little Neck. I enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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This is an interesting Query letter to an agent by the author attempting to get an agent's interest and opinion on her book, Her Pretty Little Neck. I enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the encouragment.
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You're Very welcome. Dennis
Comment from Nanashirley
I think the letter is good and clean. I have no doubt that if he reads your letter he will be intrigued. I wish you good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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I think the letter is good and clean. I have no doubt that if he reads your letter he will be intrigued. I wish you good luck.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Helen Tan
Hi Barbara, I've NEVER done one of these query letters yet so my comments may not be that useful but here goes ...
while the couple combats the Vegas Drug Cartel throughout the 69,000 word novel.
I think if you put - throughout THIS 69,000 wordS novel
will personalise your novel and close in the distance between the agent and your novel. "This" highlights your novel. I hope you know what I mean. The plural "words" , I'm not too sure about.
You have been recommended by multiple sources
I would drop in the names if they are successful published writers or others in the circle. It lends you some credibility, serves as connection and may get you through the process faster.
GOOD LUCK! =D =D =D
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Hi Barbara, I've NEVER done one of these query letters yet so my comments may not be that useful but here goes ...
while the couple combats the Vegas Drug Cartel throughout the 69,000 word novel.
I think if you put - throughout THIS 69,000 wordS novel
will personalise your novel and close in the distance between the agent and your novel. "This" highlights your novel. I hope you know what I mean. The plural "words" , I'm not too sure about.
You have been recommended by multiple sources
I would drop in the names if they are successful published writers or others in the circle. It lends you some credibility, serves as connection and may get you through the process faster.
GOOD LUCK! =D =D =D
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragement and suggestions. I will definitely change to this, and will search my books for words.
Comment from Mara del Mar
Well, honestly, I admiration great and far this is a great job that deserves recognition and it is brought to fruition. Best wishes to you and your great work
Mara.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Well, honestly, I admiration great and far this is a great job that deserves recognition and it is brought to fruition. Best wishes to you and your great work
Mara.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Shirley B
Dear Barbara, I don't have any experience on these things. I am learning too. I think you did a very good job. You mention in the letter how many words are in the book, how many chapters. You are very polite. You are the very thing people should be, but many people forget. Best of luck to you, Shirley
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Dear Barbara, I don't have any experience on these things. I am learning too. I think you did a very good job. You mention in the letter how many words are in the book, how many chapters. You are very polite. You are the very thing people should be, but many people forget. Best of luck to you, Shirley
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragement.
Comment from Southern Writer
Well, since I have never sent out a query letter, don't take any advice from me. However, as written, the letter sparked my interest and I would want to read more. Good luck
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Well, since I have never sent out a query letter, don't take any advice from me. However, as written, the letter sparked my interest and I would want to read more. Good luck
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your encouragement.
Comment from sunnilicious
Love the salutation. Very funny. The characters are so original. Great first paragraph. You're reminding me of that show, Criminal Minds. Romance should be the simplest thing in the world, especially around all that danger. 'Her Pretty Little Neck' makes me think of an animated turkey. I'd love to know where that pet name came from. Imitation Butterball? The letter is little quirky, but you're a writer. If it's a real book (publication) in the making, I do hope you get published. All the best.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Love the salutation. Very funny. The characters are so original. Great first paragraph. You're reminding me of that show, Criminal Minds. Romance should be the simplest thing in the world, especially around all that danger. 'Her Pretty Little Neck' makes me think of an animated turkey. I'd love to know where that pet name came from. Imitation Butterball? The letter is little quirky, but you're a writer. If it's a real book (publication) in the making, I do hope you get published. All the best.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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You make me feel like I should start completely over starting with the title of the book. The book is finished and is in my portfolio. I guess it's back to the drawing board.
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no not at all. nothing wrong with similarities. an hour show is not comparable to a book. happy july 4th weekend.
Comment from Espresso momma
Well all I know to say is best wishes in your endeavor to succeed. I have never made this attempt so am not savy to understand the inquiry. Thanks for the letter.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Well all I know to say is best wishes in your endeavor to succeed. I have never made this attempt so am not savy to understand the inquiry. Thanks for the letter.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the encouragement.
