He comes...
This poem is about love and the joy it brings with3 total reviews
Comment from ernesto escarro
He Comes...
A character of a poem wishes
for a partner in life,
after a long period of time
in her love life comes another
man who gives her happiness.
But as time goes, she realize if living with
with prisoner can forgo into
the moral of living.
The premeditation of looking
forward has been shown in the picture.
  |
He Comes...
A character of a poem wishes
for a partner in life,
after a long period of time
in her love life comes another
man who gives her happiness.
But as time goes, she realize if living with
with prisoner can forgo into
the moral of living.
The premeditation of looking
forward has been shown in the picture.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
Comment from mumsyone
Two things: First, you've entered your poem in the wrong contest. I think you might have wanted the free verse contest. Hope you can change it. (The 5-7-5 requires a poem of only 3 lines, with syllable counts of 5-7-5.)
Second, I really like your poem but find that you bounce back and forth from present to past tense. Only my opinion, but you might want to consider the following couple of changes, to give your poem more impact:
He comes in like a buccaneer, tip-toed (tip-toeing)
Hopes languished (languish) and desires weakened (weaken)
I'm giving you 4 stars instead of 5, only because the poem is in the wrong contest. If you can change it to the proper contest, let me know and I'll consider upgrading my rating.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
 |
Two things: First, you've entered your poem in the wrong contest. I think you might have wanted the free verse contest. Hope you can change it. (The 5-7-5 requires a poem of only 3 lines, with syllable counts of 5-7-5.)
Second, I really like your poem but find that you bounce back and forth from present to past tense. Only my opinion, but you might want to consider the following couple of changes, to give your poem more impact:
He comes in like a buccaneer, tip-toed (tip-toeing)
Hopes languished (languish) and desires weakened (weaken)
I'm giving you 4 stars instead of 5, only because the poem is in the wrong contest. If you can change it to the proper contest, let me know and I'll consider upgrading my rating.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
-
Thanks so much for your feedback:) Will definitely consider your suggestions. And thanks for pointing out my error to enter into the correct contest. Will do that immediately. Thanks so much again!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, preetivandana, i enjoyed reading this, it reminded me of the swashbuckling days of Errol Flynn and other pirate actors, however it is not a 5 7 5 poem, did you enter the wrong contest by mistake? if you did contact fanstory they will tell you how to enter this in the correct contest and you can write a 5 7 5 poem for this contest.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
|
this is very well written, preetivandana, i enjoyed reading this, it reminded me of the swashbuckling days of Errol Flynn and other pirate actors, however it is not a 5 7 5 poem, did you enter the wrong contest by mistake? if you did contact fanstory they will tell you how to enter this in the correct contest and you can write a 5 7 5 poem for this contest.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2011
-
Thanks so much for your feedback:) Will enter into the right contest riteaway!
