greenish meadow
about a meadow with cattles, which is near my home2 total reviews
Comment from Aarondodd1989
I'm not too sure this is an allowed format in the contest, but I will review on it's own merits. This has solid imagery and great structure. The idea of a cunning frog makes me laugh a little. The green writing adds to the imagery. Thanks for sharing, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2011
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I'm not too sure this is an allowed format in the contest, but I will review on it's own merits. This has solid imagery and great structure. The idea of a cunning frog makes me laugh a little. The green writing adds to the imagery. Thanks for sharing, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2011
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THANK YOU
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THANK YOU
Comment from rama devi
HI LUundu-
Warm welcome to FS. Sorry for the low rating, but you've posted this in a contest requiring only THREE lines with a syllable count of 5-7-5.
As this is a contest entry with specific requirements, it requires major revision and thus the one star rating.
As a poem in itself, this is descriptive and cute but has some spelling mistakes-
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grazing sheeps & chirping birds
Th word 'sheep' is plural and should never have an 's' on it.
*couple of spag suggestions-
oh(,) poor fellows are traped- (trapped)
*One more suggestion:
by hiding lizards & cunning frogs!
use AND instead of &
My recommendation is to revise the entry to the appropriate form and style wit three lines of 5-7-5 syllables.
Good luck,
Warmly, rd
PS Happy to re-review if you make the changes.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2011
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HI LUundu-
Warm welcome to FS. Sorry for the low rating, but you've posted this in a contest requiring only THREE lines with a syllable count of 5-7-5.
As this is a contest entry with specific requirements, it requires major revision and thus the one star rating.
As a poem in itself, this is descriptive and cute but has some spelling mistakes-
*
grazing sheeps & chirping birds
Th word 'sheep' is plural and should never have an 's' on it.
*couple of spag suggestions-
oh(,) poor fellows are traped- (trapped)
*One more suggestion:
by hiding lizards & cunning frogs!
use AND instead of &
My recommendation is to revise the entry to the appropriate form and style wit three lines of 5-7-5 syllables.
Good luck,
Warmly, rd
PS Happy to re-review if you make the changes.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2011
Thank you Rama aunty for suggesting me my mistakes. now Iam studying in 9th standard.
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Thanks for your gracious reply, Lundu. You're young! That's wonderful...may you continue to progress and write write write! ;-) Keep writing! Warmly, rd
