Nature's Hidden Beauties.
A Haiku about Natures Secret Beauties.4 total reviews
Comment from janbar
Dear shrika01, congratulations on your first post to the site! I've been writing a long time and find Haiku to be among the more difficult forms to write. Try taking your idea and writing a full poem. I think you will find it much more satisfying and allow your wonderful creative mind to express itself fully. Haiku can be like shoes that pinch instead of bare feet running freely through the meadow. You have a poet's heart, go for it! janbar
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Dear shrika01, congratulations on your first post to the site! I've been writing a long time and find Haiku to be among the more difficult forms to write. Try taking your idea and writing a full poem. I think you will find it much more satisfying and allow your wonderful creative mind to express itself fully. Haiku can be like shoes that pinch instead of bare feet running freely through the meadow. You have a poet's heart, go for it! janbar
Comment Written 07-Aug-2011
Comment from sgalletti
Well, my dear new found friend! I was a middle school principal and teacher for years and absolutely LOVED working with students who had a huge amount of potential that no adults seemed to recognize...now, I have found a new friend who even spends time going through my portfolio.
So, here's the deal about haiku...
I have studied the form in many ways and participated in two wonderful classes on this site. Here are some basics for you to consider in a rewrite which I will gladly then raise to a "5":
Syllable count doesn't really matter as the site rules often indicate. The poem needs to be "short/long/short" and not in length of lines but in how the poem "breathes," meaning "in/out/in/out/out" sounds when reading the poem out loud. However, this contest asks for 5-7-5, so there you go! Abide by the rules.
No punctuation, including capitalizing first letters in lines, iunless absolutely necessary.
First two lines connect grammatically (e.g. a verb and a noun to form a phrase or sentence) that describes an observation of nature.
Third line (or sometimes it is the first) is the "satori" which is a comment on that observation of nature.
Here's a thought for you to pursue and I do want to see what you do....
pebbles hide and peek
beneath rocks which suffocate
beauty lost, now found
Play with it! Make it your own....
Hugs, Sue
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2011
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Well, my dear new found friend! I was a middle school principal and teacher for years and absolutely LOVED working with students who had a huge amount of potential that no adults seemed to recognize...now, I have found a new friend who even spends time going through my portfolio.
So, here's the deal about haiku...
I have studied the form in many ways and participated in two wonderful classes on this site. Here are some basics for you to consider in a rewrite which I will gladly then raise to a "5":
Syllable count doesn't really matter as the site rules often indicate. The poem needs to be "short/long/short" and not in length of lines but in how the poem "breathes," meaning "in/out/in/out/out" sounds when reading the poem out loud. However, this contest asks for 5-7-5, so there you go! Abide by the rules.
No punctuation, including capitalizing first letters in lines, iunless absolutely necessary.
First two lines connect grammatically (e.g. a verb and a noun to form a phrase or sentence) that describes an observation of nature.
Third line (or sometimes it is the first) is the "satori" which is a comment on that observation of nature.
Here's a thought for you to pursue and I do want to see what you do....
pebbles hide and peek
beneath rocks which suffocate
beauty lost, now found
Play with it! Make it your own....
Hugs, Sue
Comment Written 06-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2011
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Thanks for the wonderful advice! I don't know if I can change it but I'll try. I'm new to Fanstory and am just learning my way through it. I love your example haiqu. Thanks again for the beautiful advice. I'll be sure to play with it next time.
Comment from billyboy123
I don't see anything wrong with it. I know we are supposed to find something - I can't. Ok they are griiping that I didn't say more - they want me to say something - So I'm saying something.
billyboy123
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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I don't see anything wrong with it. I know we are supposed to find something - I can't. Ok they are griiping that I didn't say more - they want me to say something - So I'm saying something.
billyboy123
Comment Written 14-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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Thanks for your review. You need to look closer to find beauty. When you look at a rock all you see is a plain one but when you look closer you see a most beautiful lady bug that's the smaller beauty.
Comment from Espresso momma
Very true Haiku friend. So often the smallest things are the most beautiful when out in the nature environments. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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Very true Haiku friend. So often the smallest things are the most beautiful when out in the nature environments. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2011
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Thanks for your review. Your actually the first to comment on my writing so it means a lot. Your right so often the smallest things are the most beautiful.
