Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Intermission"Case Studies of Hauntings
61 total reviews
Comment from denhagan
This was a very interesring chapter, called "Intrmission" to read about Mike, Luke, and Emma going to a restaurant and discussing the Bellingham Estate, which their paranormal team is investigating.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2011
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This was a very interesring chapter, called "Intrmission" to read about Mike, Luke, and Emma going to a restaurant and discussing the Bellingham Estate, which their paranormal team is investigating.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2011
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Hi! Thanks so much for reading the chapter and sending along your thoughts and excellent rating. I much appreciate it! Bev
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You are very welcome. :) Dennis
Comment from adewpearl
I really like the conversation between Mike and Emma about Mia
typo - THE all laughed at the picture
The characters all interact in a natural-sounding way, and you keep the reader interested in the case while making the reader sympathetic to the team. Brooke
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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I really like the conversation between Mike and Emma about Mia
typo - THE all laughed at the picture
The characters all interact in a natural-sounding way, and you keep the reader interested in the case while making the reader sympathetic to the team. Brooke
Comment Written 09-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi, Brooke. Thanks for your great review. I'd been back editing - obviously missed something! You are an excellent reviewer. So appreciate the time and energy. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Bellringer
Bev, Your chapter is well written and offers the reader an opportunity to learn more about the characters. I do like the delicious food you present here and the light humor. I look forward to the exciting hunt that lies ahead. Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Bev, Your chapter is well written and offers the reader an opportunity to learn more about the characters. I do like the delicious food you present here and the light humor. I look forward to the exciting hunt that lies ahead. Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 09-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi, Hector. I appreciate your candid assessment of the chapter and very generous review. Your loyal reading of my them really warms my heart, my friend. I'm going to get back to the brass tacks, so to speak, in the next chapter. Enough character development, more action LOL. Warmest regards, Bev
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Bev, I look forward to the "chills and thrills." Warmest regards, Hector
Comment from JW
I don't know why - maybe it's because it is so close to lunchtime that the line "my growling stomach could pass for a fog horn," Luke groused." I just loved it.
This chapter is definitely interesting and will another great addition to your story. Good job. JW
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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I don't know why - maybe it's because it is so close to lunchtime that the line "my growling stomach could pass for a fog horn," Luke groused." I just loved it.
This chapter is definitely interesting and will another great addition to your story. Good job. JW
Comment Written 09-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi, Jonathon. Your words just make me sing. I really value the opinion of a seasoned and excellent writer like yourself, Jonathon. Anytime you have suggestions, I try to listen! Glad someone else besides me found that part of the story funny LOL!! Thanks so much for the support and generosity. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from MyYiaYia
I thought the story was fun to read and it may be something I would like to continue with. I will see after reading the previous chapters. I did find it a bit funny when I read the following sentences. In the first, you talk about the 'hostess', meaning a female, but in the next, you try to be politically correct by referring to the 'waitperson'. I just think it is humorous how we sometimes try to make ourselves 'gender neutral'. Gave me a great laugh. Other than that, I didn't find any SPAG. Deb :0)
-Their conversation was interrupted by the hostess who led them to a table near the window. Mike waited until their waitperson greeted them ...
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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I thought the story was fun to read and it may be something I would like to continue with. I will see after reading the previous chapters. I did find it a bit funny when I read the following sentences. In the first, you talk about the 'hostess', meaning a female, but in the next, you try to be politically correct by referring to the 'waitperson'. I just think it is humorous how we sometimes try to make ourselves 'gender neutral'. Gave me a great laugh. Other than that, I didn't find any SPAG. Deb :0)
-Their conversation was interrupted by the hostess who led them to a table near the window. Mike waited until their waitperson greeted them ...
Comment Written 09-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi, MyYiaYia. Hey, thanks so much for your wonderful review. I am grateful for the interest and supportive words. Another reviewer mentioned that whole waitperson business, too. I'm trying to find a way to make that a little smoother. So, thanks for the technical tip. The earlier chapters have more supernatural elements in them - my plan is to continue that aspect and build on in in future chapters. Hope you find the story interesting enough to stop back! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Bev
An enjoyable read. This chapter had far less feel of being a magazine article, and flowed along with good descriptions and great dialogue the way a good novel should.
One small quibble. The final statement: he was a Rum-Runner. To an English guy that suggests he was a smuggler? Or is there some American undertone here I've completely missed? Gun runners is okay - rum runners will need a bit of an explanation.
Otherwise - each chapter gets better and better.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi Bev
An enjoyable read. This chapter had far less feel of being a magazine article, and flowed along with good descriptions and great dialogue the way a good novel should.
One small quibble. The final statement: he was a Rum-Runner. To an English guy that suggests he was a smuggler? Or is there some American undertone here I've completely missed? Gun runners is okay - rum runners will need a bit of an explanation.
Otherwise - each chapter gets better and better.
Ron xox
Comment Written 09-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi, Ron. Hey, thanks for the good tips and your excellent insights. I know it was a bit boring, but I felt that the characters needed fleshing out - so I'm glad that you noticed that! I was on the fence with the use of rum-runners rather than bootlegger, just because of New England's still-strong ties with the English. But, with your thought, I'll change it. The less confusion, the better! Really appreciate your valuable and, experienced, words of wisdom, Ron. XXX Bev
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Thought it might mean a bootlegger - but to me that means all manner of booze. Rum is a special drink in England. All Royal Navy sailors had their rum ration (so did the Japanese who copied us!) It carried a heavy tax and a lot was smuggled into Cornwall from Jamaica. We will all understand the term bootlegger over here. Your chapter was not boring, silly. xox
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I keep forgetting that FanStory has a wider audience than just the U.S., but then I'm just being another snobby American with that thinking. Thanks again, buddy. XX Bev P.S. Rum is a special drink in my home, too! I like to use it for my flaming desserts like Bananas Foster, yummm.
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Send me some! xox
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Writingfundimension,
I guess its me being a dinosaur, but some of these 'new speak' words irritate me - like "waitperson" when simply saying "waiter" or "table attendant" would do. OK, OK, I know this is the 'new' 'inclusive' language ...
Right, the story. Obviously this ghost is an extremely nasty bit of work. The malevolent effect has obviously reached me the reader!
Dialogues are well constructed and the characters come through very well.
Good work.
Patrick
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi Writingfundimension,
I guess its me being a dinosaur, but some of these 'new speak' words irritate me - like "waitperson" when simply saying "waiter" or "table attendant" would do. OK, OK, I know this is the 'new' 'inclusive' language ...
Right, the story. Obviously this ghost is an extremely nasty bit of work. The malevolent effect has obviously reached me the reader!
Dialogues are well constructed and the characters come through very well.
Good work.
Patrick
Comment Written 09-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi, Patrick. You know, I think you have made a very good point. I have no problem making a change that will make the piece flow better. I sure appreciate your interest and insights. Thanks for reading the chapter and your generous review! Take care, Bev
Comment from Fishcake
I found this writing intriguing and wish to find out more, especially about Mia's character and future in this story. I am interested in the supernatural but way too scared to even have my fortune told! I must confess I did get confused between the characters, there seemed to be a lot. On the otherhand, it could be the time of morning I am reading this and haven't been up long. That said, I am interested in finding out more.
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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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I found this writing intriguing and wish to find out more, especially about Mia's character and future in this story. I am interested in the supernatural but way too scared to even have my fortune told! I must confess I did get confused between the characters, there seemed to be a lot. On the otherhand, it could be the time of morning I am reading this and haven't been up long. That said, I am interested in finding out more.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Thank you for your review, Fishcake. Thanks for reading the chapter and offering your insights. Hope you'll continue to read! Take care, Bev
Comment from The Stranger
oh, here I am, sat alone at 4 30am reading about poltergeists..lol!!
Great presentation, fabulous content and all in all, a very interesting story
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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oh, here I am, sat alone at 4 30am reading about poltergeists..lol!!
Great presentation, fabulous content and all in all, a very interesting story
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi, TS. Thanks for your reading and reviewing of my chapter. I so appreciate your kind words and generosity. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Nice. Another good chapter my friend. And the Topsy Butler sounds like a great place to try sometime--anyway, I worry about Mia. I don't think the night is over for her. Keep up the good writing my friend.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Nice. Another good chapter my friend. And the Topsy Butler sounds like a great place to try sometime--anyway, I worry about Mia. I don't think the night is over for her. Keep up the good writing my friend.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Hi, PT. Thank you so much for your great review! The story doesn't have a lot of spookiness yet. But I plan to keep the Team going for a while and wanted to develop some more of the characters. I'm going to have to start delivering the goods pretty soon, though. I really appreciate your continuing to follow, PT. It means so much! Warm regards, Bev
