Adrift
a contest entry about loneliness122 total reviews
Comment from Bloomer Burbs
hi sherrygreywolf
Brilliant and completely believeable although not based on reality which takes talent of course.
VERY emotion
Maybe put a comma after Tattered, thus allowing the reader to take a breath before the revalation/ending?
Tattered(,) like storm-shattered sails.
Regards, Pete
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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hi sherrygreywolf
Brilliant and completely believeable although not based on reality which takes talent of course.
VERY emotion
Maybe put a comma after Tattered, thus allowing the reader to take a breath before the revalation/ending?
Tattered(,) like storm-shattered sails.
Regards, Pete
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Evening, Pete - Thanks for taking the time to read & critique my poem, Adrift. I think you're right about the comma - I'll go in and change that in a bit.
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from Jennlynne
Great work sherry. Your word choices for conveying the emotion is excellent. How sad it is to love someone, have them right next to you and feel alone.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Great work sherry. Your word choices for conveying the emotion is excellent. How sad it is to love someone, have them right next to you and feel alone.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Thanks for taking the time to read & comment on my poem, Adrift.
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from fastdigits
The juxtaposition of the broken
heart to that of tattered storm
shattered sails in a storm vividly
brings your words of loneliness
cascading down the screen.
Well done and good luck
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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The juxtaposition of the broken
heart to that of tattered storm
shattered sails in a storm vividly
brings your words of loneliness
cascading down the screen.
Well done and good luck
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Thanks for taking the time to read & critique my poem, Adrift. Glad you liked it!
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from Mari_
Very nice Tanka poem for the contest.
"Hot tears flood my soul"
I love that line! What a nice poem you built on a little bit of woe in your marriage. Thank goodness it was just temporary.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Very nice Tanka poem for the contest.
"Hot tears flood my soul"
I love that line! What a nice poem you built on a little bit of woe in your marriage. Thank goodness it was just temporary.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Evening, Mari - Thanks for taking the time to read & comment on my poem, Adrift.
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from phild
This is a fantastic job! The hurt, pain, and sadness come right off of the page. The line "Hot tears flood my soul" was so rich. Thank you for sharing this. It was a pleasure to read and review it.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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This is a fantastic job! The hurt, pain, and sadness come right off of the page. The line "Hot tears flood my soul" was so rich. Thank you for sharing this. It was a pleasure to read and review it.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2011
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Thanks for taking the time to read & comment on my poem, Adrift. Also, thanks for the six stars!
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from WRITER1
Everyone deals with stress differently. I know I do, I stop eating, while my friends eat more to each his own. this poem show your feelings very well.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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Everyone deals with stress differently. I know I do, I stop eating, while my friends eat more to each his own. this poem show your feelings very well.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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Thanks for taking the time to read & comment on my poem, Adrift.
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from Espresso momma
Glad to hear this was a 'bump' in the road. We can survive them can't we? You told this well and kept it exciting to read about. Thank you and good luck on the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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Glad to hear this was a 'bump' in the road. We can survive them can't we? You told this well and kept it exciting to read about. Thank you and good luck on the contest.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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Thanks for taking the time to read & comment on my poem, Adrift.
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from OldPoet555
I like it, the imagery is vivid, lots of nice lines like hot tears flood my soul and storm, all these words together, flood, storm, teares, sails, cold, they all keep within a theme which i think helps to paint the picture of a lone ship alone on a vast ocean, worn and beaten with as u say shattered sails. keep it up!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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I like it, the imagery is vivid, lots of nice lines like hot tears flood my soul and storm, all these words together, flood, storm, teares, sails, cold, they all keep within a theme which i think helps to paint the picture of a lone ship alone on a vast ocean, worn and beaten with as u say shattered sails. keep it up!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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Thanks for taking the time to read & critique my poem, Adrift.
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi sherrygreywolf,
Yup, stress is a real killer for us all, and we all deal with it differently. Well done in summing it up so well in this way.
Good luck.
Patrick
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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Hi sherrygreywolf,
Yup, stress is a real killer for us all, and we all deal with it differently. Well done in summing it up so well in this way.
Good luck.
Patrick
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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Morning, Patrick - Thanks for taking the time to read & comment on my poem, Adrift.
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from honeytree
The word stress is increasing within our world of racing
against time and not resting more.
Living today can be very stressful at work and home at
times.We live in a stressful world and we have to slow
down. Great art work and these words can be true for many.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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The word stress is increasing within our world of racing
against time and not resting more.
Living today can be very stressful at work and home at
times.We live in a stressful world and we have to slow
down. Great art work and these words can be true for many.
Honey tree
Comment Written 08-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2011
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Morning honeytree - Thanks so much for taking the time to read & comment on my poem, Adrift.
Have a great week - sherry
