Nature
My view on nature.5 total reviews
Comment from rashi kumar
Dear Marq,
this is a good try at 5/7/5!
But you need to check the syllable count again!
The syllables in the 2nd lines should be 7.
You can try and rewrite it.
I would love to rate it again!
All the best!
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2011
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Dear Marq,
this is a good try at 5/7/5!
But you need to check the syllable count again!
The syllables in the 2nd lines should be 7.
You can try and rewrite it.
I would love to rate it again!
All the best!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2011
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Thank you,Rashi, I will check for more syllables on the appropriate lines.
Comment from Doug LeCroy
I know next to nothing about the rules of poetry, but I think this a very good short one. Probably just the beginning of a longer one. Keep writing. You have talent.
doug
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2011
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I know next to nothing about the rules of poetry, but I think this a very good short one. Probably just the beginning of a longer one. Keep writing. You have talent.
doug
Comment Written 13-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your comment. I will try to continue to do my best.
Comment from SeLF
I like the rhyme you put in your haiku, but your second line, which should have seven syllables, has only six.
Because your haiku was posted a month ago, someone may have already brought this to your attention.
Keep writing.
SeLF
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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I like the rhyme you put in your haiku, but your second line, which should have seven syllables, has only six.
Because your haiku was posted a month ago, someone may have already brought this to your attention.
Keep writing.
SeLF
Comment Written 28-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review, I did not realize that there was only six syllables. I will try to remember that that type of poem has a certain amount of syllables to a line. I am still learning, again thanks for the review
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You're perfectly welcome.
SeLF
Comment from Artie R. Sandbaggs
No, I'm sorry your theme is good and it is one that lots of people can relate to, which is an important aspect of poetry, but this is not a haiku, or even a 5-7-5. The numbers refer to the syllable count in each of the three lines of the haiku. It is a very old form of poetry, I think one of the oldest, and finds its origin in ancient Japan, though back then it was called a hokku or haikai and I believe was only part of a larger work of linked styles of poetry and over time it became its own form. Traditional haiku's generally encapsulate a moment of human experience with nature by taking two images and juxtaposing them, often using sensory stimuli to cut the images. In this case your theme is spot on but you need to narrow your images down to two really, although since this is just a 5-7-5 theme isn't as important so much. What is essential is that you have the correct amount of syllables in each line.
The poem you've presented is an 11-7-9, I believe, so the first and the last lines need less syllables. Sound it out, even use your fingers if necessary to make sure it's correct. Also the tense of your verb is off in the first line, it should be "loved".
If you'd like me to go into more detail about how to sound out the syllables I'd be happy to, just let me know. Also I hope some of this information was helpful and not discouraging. Poetry is in my opinion the most difficult medium of literature, so you've just got to stick with it and keep trying until you get it right
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
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No, I'm sorry your theme is good and it is one that lots of people can relate to, which is an important aspect of poetry, but this is not a haiku, or even a 5-7-5. The numbers refer to the syllable count in each of the three lines of the haiku. It is a very old form of poetry, I think one of the oldest, and finds its origin in ancient Japan, though back then it was called a hokku or haikai and I believe was only part of a larger work of linked styles of poetry and over time it became its own form. Traditional haiku's generally encapsulate a moment of human experience with nature by taking two images and juxtaposing them, often using sensory stimuli to cut the images. In this case your theme is spot on but you need to narrow your images down to two really, although since this is just a 5-7-5 theme isn't as important so much. What is essential is that you have the correct amount of syllables in each line.
The poem you've presented is an 11-7-9, I believe, so the first and the last lines need less syllables. Sound it out, even use your fingers if necessary to make sure it's correct. Also the tense of your verb is off in the first line, it should be "loved".
If you'd like me to go into more detail about how to sound out the syllables I'd be happy to, just let me know. Also I hope some of this information was helpful and not discouraging. Poetry is in my opinion the most difficult medium of literature, so you've just got to stick with it and keep trying until you get it right
Comment Written 27-May-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
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Thank you for your view, I guess I missed understood the guidelines. I will keep that in mind win writing a next poem of this nature.
Comment from 7thpoet
Well my friend you missed the mark when it came to writing a 5-7-5. Syllables are what make a 5-7-5 such, and your first line has 11. Maybe a downsize or elimination of a few non pertinent words will help. Good luck.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
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Well my friend you missed the mark when it came to writing a 5-7-5. Syllables are what make a 5-7-5 such, and your first line has 11. Maybe a downsize or elimination of a few non pertinent words will help. Good luck.
Comment Written 27-May-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
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Thank you for your view of my poem. I did not realize the count was off. I will do better at keeping the count next time.
